Boiler
by 2cents
Summary: All that Lisa wanted was to build a future for her and her son. Will her past choices get in the way of future events?
1. 01 A Life Less Ordinary

_**Yeah, but I still got a lot of things to fix**_

_**Promises I made to myself and yet I haven't fulfilled**_

_**My words wait for the right time to be spoken**_

_**Just things of mine, maybe you don't even want to hear**_

Lisa looked down, while caressing James' hair. She could stare at his face forever and never get tired of it, but the trip got her tired for sure. It was simply unfair to ask for a 3-year old kid to behave during long hours trapped in a bus, so it was expected that he grew cranky and then, plain tired, like her. But Lisa wasn't just tired, she was exhausted. Exhausted from the life she was leaving behind. To make things worse, she searched her bag frantically for her iPod, and couldn't find it. It was probably shoved down in one of the dozen luggage pieces they brought, Lisa packed in such a hurry that it wasn't a surprise. The lack of something to occupy her mind gave place to the strangest, wildest thoughts and questionings that she really shouldn't be considering. This was supposed to be a fresh start, not the time to look back. Through the foggy bus window, Lisa caught a glimpse of Boston landscapes, snowy, grayish, and everywhere she looked, there was the underlying promise of a new life, lurking in the corners. Boston wasn't that different from Detroit, but hopefully, life would end up being a lot different.

For the past few weeks, Lisa had been secretly arranging things with a friend of a friend, so that when she got to Boston, she'd at least have a place to stay. Of course, she did all that very carefully, if she faltered, her chance could be gone forever. Despite being assured that she had a furnished apartment waiting for her, Lisa felt her heart shrinking, thinking it was one hell of a risky move just packing up their bags and leaving for an unknown city, for an unknown future. Well, their future was pretty much certain if they stayed in Detroit, and that wasn't the future Lisa wanted for James. Having her son with her made it more difficult… if anything went wrong, he was under her responsibility.

When the bus finally reached the station, Lisa woke James up, got her bag, his toys and everything else, and jumped out. The worst part was yet to come: luggage. It's not like they had that many possessions, but that boy had an awful lot of toys, and Lisa wouldn't be crazy to leave a single one of them behind. She let James jump on a baggage cart, the bags kept coming until there was no place left for him, and he reluctantly got out. Lisa started pushing that heavy cart around the station, looking for a cell phone store, finally found one and got a prepaid cell. She would definitely need one. Out of the station, the cold wind seemed to freeze her brain cells for a moment, and she couldn't even consider picking James up, to protect him, while pushing that damn cart around. She found a cab, after all.

"Can someone help me with this?" Lisa asked, in between gasps. A driver came quickly to help her.

"Whoa, that's a lot of luggage."

"I know. We're moving in." she said, looking away.

"I can see that much."

By then, James was already in between Lisa's legs, torn between the urge of running around, and helping Lisa out with the bags, but all he really did was stand in her way, poor kid. She opened the door and out him inside the car, to which he frowned immediately.

"James, it's really cold and we don't want you to get sick, do we? Stay there, and I'll be right back."

Lisa closed the door carefully, helped the driver with all the bags, and got inside. When the driver started the car, she felt an overwhelming feeling of relief. It was like she could finally relax and let go of all the worries and anxieties. She'd been living with those feelings for a long time; it would be odd not to have them around anymore.

"Where to?"

"Uh… just a second, let me find that address", she said, searching through her bag, amidst fake IDs and birth certificates, to find that small piece of wrinkled paper that she'd been guarding with her life. She handed it to the driver; he looked at it and turned around.

"Are you sure this is the right address?"

That couldn't be good. Her heart skipped a beat, as she considered the possibility of having been given a bogus address. No, Milly wouldn't do that to her. She knew, better than anyone, what she was going through.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just that… it's not a place where people usually go by choice. Most of the times people just wind up there, you know."

That was almost as bad as being lied to.

"Oh. Just… just go."

There was not much more left to say, there was no choice for Lisa at that point. James was once again napping on her lap, a soft tune came from the radio while they drove around Boston. It did look like a nice place for a fresh start, but as time passed, Lisa grew more and more concerned. When the driver pulled over… she didn't want to get out of the car, at least not with James. It looked like a dead-end, in every sense of the word. Decayed buildings, open dumpsters, shady people hanging out at the wrong corners. Lisa couldn't go back, she never would, and bad neighborhoods weren't news to her anyway.

"Hey, Sleepy! Honey, wake up, we're here." She said, shaking his shoulder as softly as she could.

James rubbed his eyes, with that sweetness that only children can have, and Lisa helped him out of the car.

"Would you carry my purse, please? I have to help the driver with those heavy bags of ours." Lisa asked him, trying to get James involved in that process that was so new and abrupt to him. She turned to the driver.

"Could you please…?"

"Sure" he nodded, a bit unsure, helping her up the stairs with all those bags. He didn't really want to stay long in that street.

"Here we go", Lisa said, under her breath, reaching underneath that cliché doormat that said 'Home Sweet Home'. It got Lisa wondering if those words were ever going to make any sense to her and James.

As they came inside, it really wasn't so bad. The furniture wasn't nearly as old as Lisa expected it to be. She took a few steps inside and James didn't follow her. He just stayed there at the doorway.

"Come on, sweetie. This is our house now."

James wouldn't move an inch, so Lisa went there to grab his hand and have him walk inside. They went through the living room, kitchen, bedroom, another bedroom, bathroom, and that was about it. For Lisa and James, though, it was more than enough. Most important, it was ready to live in. She took the time to kneel down and talk to her son. She needed him to be on board.

"So, did you like it, huh? Did you like our new house?"

The frown on his face was permanent now, and Lisa couldn't imagine how hard that was for him. Deep inside, though, she knew that he understood why they left. He'd been through what she'd been through for the past three years. Lisa held him tight, close to her chest.

"We're gonna be fine, honey. I'm gonna get your toys, and I need you to stay right here, playing, while I unpack, ok?"

Lisa spread all his toys in front of James, all of his miniature cars, and started unpacking. A few minutes later, the bell rang, and in an impulse, Lisa looked through the peephole. "What am I doing?", she thought, "I don't know anyone anyway", and opened the door to a friendly-faced woman.

"Elisabeth?"

"Yeah."

"I'm Alma."

A wave of relief washed over Lisa, and she sighed somewhat loudly. Alma was the person that got the apartment for her. She was a 30-something woman, a bit overweight, and despite her bright smile, her tough life had definitely left some marks on her face.

"Oh great! Please, come on in!"

Alma walked inside, and Lisa kept on.

"I cannot thank you enough for arranging all this. You have no idea what it means to me."

"Oh, it was nothing, really. Is this your son?" Alma said, kneeling down.

"Yeah, that's James. James, say hi to Alma, she's our friend now."

"Hi James! You're a cute little boy! How old are you? Can you tell me how old you are?"

Clumsily, he raised three fingers.

"You're that many? He's adorable" Alma said, raising up and turning to Lisa. "So, how was the trip? How's this place for you?"

Lisa scratched the back of her head, shaking her faded red strands. It was hard to keep track of my thoughts.

"Uh… it's good, so far. I mean, I still have to unpack all the clothes and stuff, but at least it's furnished so… we'll pull through."

Her eyes welled up, and one would think she had no more tears left to cry. Alma realized it and changed subjects.

"I got you a job, in case you want it."

"A job? How? Where?"

"At Ralph's… it's a supermarket, I used to work there. I know the manager, he called me a few days ago, asking if I knew someone that could work a cashier, no previous experience required… you can go there tomorrow morning and talk to him."

"Oh my, that's just… that's just great!"

"I can come by to look over James for you, and when you start working, there's the 'Teddy Bear Day Care', I know a girl who works there, and you can leave James with them. I know it's a lame name, but they're actually pretty good with kids."

"You seem to know a lot of people."

Alma grinned at that comment, and Lisa wasn't sure if that grin meant pride or resignation. Maybe a bit of both.

"Been living here all my life, dear… I know a whole lot of people around."

A shy smile came through Lisa's lips, and somehow Alma seemed to see through her.

"Don't worry, Lisa. Everything's gonna work out fine." Alma said, holding on to Lisa's hand. "I'm gonna let you finish unpacking. You and James are invited for dinner, around 7. I live right downstairs. 2B."

"That's… great. Thanks again."

"It's ok. Try and rest a little. Bye, James!"

"Bye", James said, nonchalantly, making his mother grin, in between a couple of stubborn tears that insisted on falling. Lisa leaned back on the door. Her heart felt much lighter. She felt truly blessed to be given a chance to start all over again. A sudden thought crossed her mind: she had to call someone.

"Milly?"

"Dottie? Oh, it's so good to hear your voice! So how was the trip? Where are you? How's James?"

"It was good, you know… tiring, but we made it. We're all settled now. Alma had everything arranged, she's such a kind person. The apartment is small, and the hood ain't great, but we're good. I think I'll even get a job, you know."

Milly let out a loud laugh…. Lisa knew how ridiculous that sounded.

"You won't! A job? Doing what?"

"As a cashier in a supermarket nearby."

"So you'll still be working with numbers…"

Lisa sighed.

"All right, sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But how are you gonna get this job? I mean… if they run your files, you're screwed."

"Well, since Lisa's the one getting the job, I think I'll be OK."

"Oh, right. I forgot about that. It's hard to deal with you as three different people, you know."

"Tell me about it. So… how's everything?"

"You're asking about…"

"Yeah."

"I haven't heard from him yet. You know he's gonna spend the next couple of weeks at Ann Arbor so… it will give you some time."

"I hope so. All right, dear, I gotta go now. Do not call me on this phone, got that? They might get through your phone records, I don't know. I'll call you whenever I can, ok?"

"Ok. Dottie, you take care, please."

"I will. Bye Milly."

Lisa hung up the phone, thinking about what Milly said, being three people at the same time. She had lived as one person until she got pregnant, then as another person, and now, in Boston, as yet another one. It wasn't easy to juggle three different names and personalities, but now she could finally ditch two of them, and be just one strong, put together person… and that person was named Elisabeth.

"Honey! Bath time!"

James mumbled something from the living room.

"Come on James, hurry up! We'll be late for dinner!"

Now it was Lisa's time to knock on Alma's door, and an older lady showed up.

"You must be Lisa! I'm Josephine, but you can call me Mama Jo. Is this your boy?"

"Yeah, this is James. James, say hi to Mama Jo!" Her name sounded so cool, and it gave Lisa a much needed sense of intimacy and closeness.

"Come in, come in."

Their house was pretty tidy, but Lisa could see that there was definitely a male presence in the house, trying to insert a little chaos here and there.

"Hey Lisa! Hope you guys like chicken wings."

James widened his eyes and smiled a little.

"We like chicken wings, don't worry. Uh… only the two of you live here?"

"No, I have another son,", Mama Jo answered. "Bodie. He's hardly ever home though. Kind of a troubled kid."

"I can relate to that. Well, Alma, do you need any help in there?"

"No, no, I'm all set. Let's eat!"

"Oh, this looks great", Lisa exclaimed, sitting down and noticing that they were still standing, which prompted her to stand back up, slightly ashamed. Mama Jo started to say a prayer.

"We thank you, Lord, for the love that binds us, and for the food that nourishes us. Amen."

"Amen", Lisa said, under her breath. Now she could sit down.

"So Lisa, Alma tells me you're new in town. Where are you from?"

"Detroit."

"And what brought you to Stokely Hall?"

Lisa cleared her throat, looked at Alma, searching for an excuse.

"Uh… Detroit is such a violent city and… I wanted a better place to raise James, you know."

Mama Jo laughed.

"I don't know if you made yourself a good deal moving to Boston."

"Well, one can only hope so."

"Anyway, Alma and I, we're here to help you. I'm at my sister's home a lot, because she's been sick and needs my help, but you can count on us, dear."

"That's very kind of you. We really appreciate it."

"What about you, little James?"

He was quiet. Lisa intervened.

"It's been a tough time for him, you know, moving and all. I guess he'll speak more when he gets more comfortable with all this."

They finished their meal, chatted a little more, and Alma went upstairs with Lisa and James.

"Lisa, I'm sorry about my mother asking all those questions… she's way too nosy sometimes."

"Don't worry, Alma. I know she was just trying to be nice. And thanks again for dinner."

"No problem. I'll see you guys in the morning."

"All right. See ya." Lisa said, walking in.

She was tucking James in, sitting by his bed, caressing his golden brown hair, her mind wondering about everything and nothing at the same time, when James decided to talk for the first time in Boston.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, honey."

"Why is everybody calling you 'Lisa'?"

Lisa sighed. Things had been so rushed and sudden, that she didn't even think about explaining this little detail to him.

"Because… that's my middle name, and now that we moved, I thought it would be good to use a new name as well."

"Your middle name is Mae."

"Damn it", she thought. James didn't talk much, but he was as smart as a boy could be.

"Well, honey, that's not the point. From now on, everybody will call me Lisa or Elisabeth. You just call me 'mom' and we'll be fine."

"Can I change my name too?"

She looked at him, affectionately. Lisa had been in love with him from the moment she knew he was growing inside her, and she'd do everything in her power to make him happy. That was why she was in Boston, in the first place. And little did he know that she did change his name – at least, his last name.

"But James is such a beautiful name, son. What name do you want?"

"I don't know. Maybe Stitch."

Lisa smirked.

"Kiddo, Stitch is an alien. A bad, bad alien."

"He's not bad, mom. He just needs a family, and then he's good."

"I know. But Stitch is off the table. Think about it. Let's see if you can convince me tomorrow, ok?" she said, standing up and kissing his forehead. "Good night, honey."

"Good night, mom." He said, curling up in his blankets.

Lisa walked to her room and sat on the bed. The street lights were coming in, faintly, through the window, and that was when she started to think about all that had happened in those last 24 hours. What she had planned for months was really taking shape, and that thought was enough to freak her out for a second. She held her head in her hands, sighing. "You've been through so much worse, you're gonna make this work… this is redemption, right here, right now."

She lied down, it would take a few nights to get used to that mattress. Still, tiredness won over her, and she managed to rest for a while.


	2. 02 To Catch A Thief

Chapter 02 – To Catch a Thief

_**I know I'm no saint, sometimes I go for it**_

_**Sometimes I act nicely to win you over**_

_**But I'm not a goody two-shoes, I was raised on the streets**_

_**And I won't change my ways just to please you**_

If the sun streamed through the window in an attempt to wake Lisa up, it was dead wrong. She had been staring at the blank ceiling for most part of the night. She grabbed her cell phone, it was almost 7am, and she decided to get the hell out of that bed, took a shower and headed to the kitchen, to have a cup of tea. Having unpacked the night before, she finally found her iPod and immediately turned it on. Lisa was in a dire need to hear something else than her own thoughts. As the music began, she sat at the table, stirring that tea over and over...

_**Going through the motions**_

_**Ending up nowhere at all, can't see the sun on my wall. **_

_**Going through emotions**_

_**Ending up on a frozen morning, with a heart not even broken. **_

_**Seems I've been running all my life, all my life**_

_**Seems I've been running all my life, all my life, all my life, like watercolors in the rain… **_

_**Find a place to settle down**_

_**Get a job in a city nearby and watch the trains roll on by.**_

_**I'll find the falling star**_

_**I'll fall in love with the eyes of a dreamer, and a dream worth believing. **_

_**Seems I've been running all my life, all my life. **_

_**Seems I've been running all my life, all my life, all my life, like watercolors in the rain… (Roxette)**_

"Damn shuffle mode", she said to herself, her eyes hurting from holding back the tears. There wasn't a single verse in that song that wasn't true about her and that moment in her life. Finding a dream worth believing, however… was too hard to believe.

Lisa prepared James' milk, put it on the empty fridge, and that was when she heard a soft knock on the door. Alma's first comment took her by surprise.

"You look like shit."

Her honestly was something that Lisa could feel from the very beginning. And Lisa knew a thing or two about honesty, or the lack of it.

"I know. Couldn't sleep for a second. I keep thinking, you know… nevermind. James is still asleep, so… his toys are… all over the place, actually, there's milk and some cookies, I'll get more food when I come from the market. I guess it won't take long, right?"

"Just relax, will you? We'll be just fine and you go get your job. When you get there, go to your left and look for the office. Greg will be there."

"All right. See you."

Lisa went down the stairs, and Ralph's marked was down the street, a few blocks away. On her way, she saw that day care center that Alma had told her about. How perfect was that? Day care and work within less than a 5-minute walk.

The supermarket was just like millions of others, and to her left, a door with an "Office" sign. Lisa knocked, trying to be polite, and a man, probably in his fifties, opened up.

"Hi… I'm Lisa. Elisabeth." Lisa said, stuttering. "I'm here for the…"

"Yeah, Alma's friend. Come in." he said, closing the door behind him. His office was one of the most organized places Lisa had ever seen. A few stacks of paper, schedules on a wall. She sat in front of him, pulling at her jeans, anxious.

"Alma tells me you have no experience whatsoever."

"Well, uh… Actually I worked with my father for a few years, you know, doing administrative tasks, finance, accounting and so on. I'm pretty good with numbers, I can assure you that much."

What a flat out lie. Lisa hadn't seen her father in almost 10 years, but she needed that job so bad, she couldn't screw it up by telling the truth. Greg crossed his arms for a moment, and then put his hands on the table.

"I see. And you're new in town?"

"Yes. I've just moved in yesterday. I have three-year old son, James, and Detroit was not the best place to raise him."

"All right… and who's gonna look after James while you're working?"

"Alma told me that there's this day care… James will stay there, don't worry."

Greg looked at her for a few seconds with those inquiring eyes, and all of a sudden, he didn't seem so intimidating.

"You know, we do have an open position as a cashier. It doesn't require any experience anyway, but it does require that you have some brains. And something tells me that you have that."

"I do. I really do. I'm smart, and I can learn really fast. I won't let you down."

"You better not." Greg said, standing up. "Be here at 9 tomorrow. I'll arrange someone to coach you, and if you do well in the first days, the job is yours. All right?"

A bright smile enlightened her face as they shook hands.

"Thank you so much. You have no idea what it means to me."

"I guess I do. That's why I'm giving you a chance. Now here, I need you to fill in this form, you can bring it back tomorrow." He said, handing her a paper.

"Sure. Thanks again."

Lisa walked out on cloud nine. "I have a job… my God, I have a real job. I can make it work this time." Lisa thought, over and over again. The pieces of her life were finally falling into place, and the future wasn't a blur, it was taking shape, a beautiful shape. She entered the "Teddy Bear Daycare", and stopped by the reception. So far, everything looked clean and welcoming.

"Hi, I'd like to enroll my son… he's 3 years old."

The receptionist had the widest smile on her face.

"Hi! Sure! What's his name?"

"It's James…" Lisa said, searching for his birth certificate. "Shoot, I forgot his birth certificate at home. Can I bring it to you tomorrow?"

"No problem, just make sure you bring it. So, here are the admission forms…"

"This must be the boring part of normal life, forms and bureaucracy", Lisa thought. The receptionist showed her around, explained everything to Lisa, their schedules, spaces, activities, and Lisa was relieved. If she was to leave her son in a day care, it had to be a place like that.

"Wow, this is really good. You guys are doing an excellent job."

"Thank you. We'll wait for little James tomorrow then."

Coming home had a complete different taste now. And much to her surprise, when she opened the door, Alma and James were having a blast with building blocks. Lisa took a moment to inhale that moment, that happiness, that calm… feelings that she hadn't experimented in a while.

"Mom!" James shouted, coming over to hold on to Lisa's leg. Lisa picked him up and gave a big kiss on that soft cheek of his.

"Sweetie! I missed you so bad! Are you having fun? Yeah?"

"So, how was it?" Alma asked, standing up.

"Pretty good, I guess… I'll start tomorrow."

"I told you!"

"Yeah, Greg seems to be a nice man. A little scary at first, but real nice."

"I know. He has that old sheriff look, but he's such a sweetheart. You'll end up loving him."

Lisa smiled.

"This is so great, I mean… I arrived yesterday, and today I have a home and I'm employed. I could never imagine that things would happen this fast."

"It's a new life, babe, coming your way. Embrace it."

"Now, can I ask you… why you're doing all this? I mean, the apartment, the job, the day care… I just want to understand, you know."

Alma looked right at her.

"That person who called me from Detroit told me what you're running away from. And believe me, I've seen that kind of thing happen way too many times. I wanna help you out because I know that you could use a hand to start over. We all deserve a second chance, don't we?"

Lisa lowered her head. She never deserved anything, it was hard to accept that she deserved all that.

"I just hope you can find some safety here, so that you can move on. It's right there, in your face, you've been so battered and bruised, to a point where you can't raise our heads anymore. You can't let that happen. You're much too young for that."

Lisa felt the tears warming up her eyes, and looked away.

"I appreciate it. I really, really do."

"So… enjoy your time with your little one… tomorrow's a brand new day, girl."

Alma left and Lisa allowed herself to sit on the floor and just be there for her son, she had waited a long time for this. Just the two of them, no fears, no worries, and a whole lot of hope.

As expected, it was one more time of insomnia, that damn mattress, those damn thoughts… but that night was different. She was anxious in a good way, no one could imagine how important that job was for her. It was a milestone in her life. That's why, even with a few hours of sleep, she was more excited than ever in the next morning. Lisa woke James up, tried to get him excited about the idea of going to the day care, but her heart was torn into pieces… it was the first time she'd be away from James for a whole day.

They left early, with plenty of time to stop by and make little snowballs, and Lisa promising him that they would build a big snowman on the weekend. In front of Teddy Bear, Lisa kneeled down, to look into his hazel eyes.

"James, mom has got to work now, ok? So you're gonna stay here with all these kids, you'll play a lot, watch cartoons, listen to stories, draw, all sorts of fun stuff. All right? Can you do that for mom?"

She saw as his eyes started to well up, and her first impulse was to pick him up and go straight back home. Instead, she picked him up and went inside. One of the teachers came out, her arms reaching out to welcome us.

"You must be James!"

But James wouldn't give in, and started whining as the teacher picked him up. Lisa knew that, the longer she stayed, the harder it would be. So she just gave the teacher his bag and birth certificate, kissed him on the forehead, and left… before he could see that she was about to cry as well. And when she knocked on Greg's door, her eyes were still a bit reddish, and his first words were "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just… I just dropped James at the day care."

"Oh, I see. You're early."

"Better early than late. I didn't know how things were gonna go with James, so…"

"All right. Let's get to work, get your mind busy, and before you realize it, it will be time to see James again."

Greg showed her around, from the warehouse to the bathrooms, all the areas, the product displays. Lisa was so eager to learn, she tried to squeeze all the information in her brain, she didn't want to miss one single detail.

"Kat? This is Elisabeth, our new cashier."

Lisa felt something almost threatening, bordering indifference, as Kat sized her up. But it all went away with one smile of hers, and I sighed in relief. A little sparkling jewel on Kat's tooth reminded Lisa of her piercing days.

"Hey Elisabeth, nice to meet you… welcome to Ralph's, Boston's greatest market!", she said, joking.

"I bet it is, but please, just call me Lisa."

"All right, Lisa, let's get started!"

"I see you girls are getting along, so I'm out. Let me know if you need anything, all right?" Greg said, walking away.

"Excited?" Kathryn asked, while Lisa sat on her bench and started turning on the equipment.

"You have no idea." Lisa didn't expect to be that enthusiastic. She needed to keep herself straight to get that job… and she also needed that job to keep it straight.

One hour later, Lisa was all set. Kathryn had gone through the whole process a lot of times, with some variations in it, so that Lisa could gather as much information as she needed. And the truth was that the job wasn't that hard at all. They had lunch together, Lisa was introduced to other co-workers, and the day went by with Lisa catching up to her tasks, trying not to think that much about James.

It was all going well, until a group of guys entered the market. She could feel that every head turned to look at them, but not directly, afraid. They were gang members, and certainly frightening to the average citizen, but not to Lisa. Instead of being frightened, she felt compelled by one of them, probably their leader. He was walking in front of the other two ones, his head up high, taking large steps, a tribe tattoo crawling its way out of his leather jacket, onto his neck. He and his crew walked around, quickly, and Lisa couldn't help it… she had to find out who they were.

"Kat! Hey, Kathryn!"

"Yeah."

"Who are those guys?"

"They're just a stupid gang from around here, drug dealers. They're small fish, but everybody's scared nonetheless, as they're pretty rough. Why do you wanna know anyway?"

"I don't know. That guy is kinda hot. The bald one."

Kathryn burst a nervous laugh.

"What? Lisa, you're sick, sick, sick! Did you see those tattoos?" she asked, agitated, pointing to her own neck.

"Yeah, I saw the tattoos. Wanted to see a little more, though." Lisa said, blushing a bit. It wasn't like her to say something like that, but the words just slipped from her tongue.

"You just hit jackpot then. They're coming your way."

The bald guy placed all the items in front of her, she tried her best not to look up. First, you better not face a gang member unless you have a good reason, and second, she didn't want to run the risk of being attracted to him. Given her past choices, that was very likely to happen. The beep of the scanner went on, processing the items, all the usual stuff: bleach, disinfectants, baking soda, bottles of cheap whiskey and vodka, packs of cigarettes. But as they say, shit happens.

"Damn it", Lisa shook her head, in disbelief. "Sorry, the bleach was registered twice. I'll get my supervisor to delete one of the items, ok?"

The moment she turned that little red light on, she knew it wouldn't be ok. They were no different from so many other gang members she knew and dealt with. Still, the bald guy gave her chills, for the wrong reasons. And as the leader, he was the first to speak up, with a husky voice that resounded inside Lisa.

"Do we look like we've got time to waste," he looked at her temporary badge, "Trainee?"

"I'm pretty sure you don't, but you're gonna have to wait anyway."

A younger man from the crew decided to add his two cents of irony.

"How hard it is to get a fucking item to pass through a scanner, Freckles?"

Lisa stared at him, wondering if he thought that that was a new joke. She'd lost count of how many times she had heard that in her life, she truly didn't care anymore. The answer was on the tip of her tongue.

"Probably not as hard as cooking something with all this stuff you're taking with you", she stated, wiping the smirk off his dumbfounded face. Their leader wrapped up the conversation.

"Why don't you just shut up and get your fucking job done?"

Then it happened… Lisa looked at him, shamelessly. He squinted his eyes, gazing firmly at her, waiting for Lisa to flinch or back down, which she didn't. She held her breath until the very moment when the supervisor came in and deleted that item. Lisa got the other items through, and the guys packed them up.

"That's 92.19."

He opened his well-worn wallet, and handed a 100 dollar bill to Lisa.

"Keep the change. Might wanna invest in a fucking concentration training."

And they left, as hastily as they had come in. Lisa didn't even listen to Kat's comment.

"Jesus. That guy scares the living shit out of me."

In spite of that particular event, Lisa was ultimately proud of herself, carrying a bag of groceries, whistling freely. Soon the smile on her face gave way to a frown, as she heard steps and instantly knew she was being stalked. Her steps grew quicker, her heart already racing, but the bump from behind her was inevitable, making the groceries fall to the ground. A bunch of boys quickly passed by her, grabbed her purse and ran away. All that Lisa could do was to yell at them.

"You fuckers! Come back here, you sissies! Fuck! Fuck!"

She ran her fingers through her hair, screaming at a God which she thought had long abandoned her, "What else? What else now, huh?". She furiously threw everything back into the paper bag and went on to get James, fuming with anger. Her son had no blame at all, but Lisa couldn't disguise her indignation. Arriving home, she had to tell somebody, and it wouldn't be the cops.

"Good night… not! What happened?" Alma asked, seeing the look on Lisa's face. She put the bag on the floor, and James started to look inside, seeing if there was anything interesting.

"I was mugged! Can you believe that?"

"Mugged? When? How?"

"Right now, on my way home!"

"Weird. People usually don't get mugged around here. Since you just moved, they probably thought you were from some place else."

"That's great. I got no documents on me, no money, nothing! Oh, this is the worst day ever!", she ranted, walking across the hallway.

"Did you get to see them, at least?"

"Yeah, there were three of them, none older than, say, 16, all male, all white. One of them was wearing a Celtics hood sweater. Punk. Man, I knew I shouldn't have left my pocket knife at home."

Alma widened her eyes, and that was when Lisa realized that Alma didn't know a thing about her past. She got closer, as she could never let James hear what she was about to say.

"Yeah, well, I was a gang member.", Lisa confessed, with a touch of disdain for herself.

"Life has a sick sense of irony, I guess."

"Tell me 'bout it. These things make me so mad, and I can't be mad. It brings out my… B-side."

"Hey, I don't ever wanna see that side of yours. But if you were ever in a gang, you know how this works. Tomorrow morning you'll have your purse back."

"I better, or I'll chase those punks on my own, and boy, they won't like what I'll do to them." Lisa said, feeling the blood rushing to her cheeks. Alma shook her head in disapproval.

"I'm sorry, all right? I have a hard time trying to keep my shit together. You have no idea what I've been through."

"I can only imagine. But you better control yourself." She said, looking at James, who was still entertained by the groceries.

"I know."

A part of her really wanted the best for James, but there was this rebel in her that wanted out, all the time. It was a lifetime battle.

The three guys packed into Billy's car and left the supermarket. The girl has left Billy puzzled by a reason he couldn't quite understand. But Heco was, by far, the most aprehensive one.

"Did you see that cashier bitch? Did you see that fucking attitude?"

Billy searched his pockets, and lit up a smoke, as Joe tried to talk like a tough man that he wasn't.

"Fucking idiot. Can't even get her job right."

Billy looked at Joe through the rear view mirror. That talk was starting to piss him off, but Heco kept on. The guy never knew when to stop.

"I don't like her. Did you see the way she talked about cooking stuff? She talked like she knew what we do!"

"Won't you calm the fuck down?" Billy said, raising his voice. He had more important things to worry about than some girl. "How the fuck did you go from 'stupid girl who can't pass a god damn thing though a scanner", to 'smart girl who knows how to cook meth'?

They shut up for a second.

"I don't know. I just don't like her, man", Heco wrapped up.

They pulled off in front of the office, and as they went upstairs, Bodie and Tommy were trying to hold down a very restless kid.

"Whoa, what the fuck is going on?"

"I didn't do nothing, man, I didn't do nothing!", the boy squealed.

"Hey, I haven't even asked you anything yet!" Bodie replied, and then turned to Billy. "We caught him like five minutes ago, running around with this purse, one block from my place."

Billy shook his head. Muggers were not welcome, not in his hood. He snapped the purse from the kid's hands.

"Are you fucking trying to ruin my business? That what you want?"

"No man, no! Please, just let me go, I gotta go home!"

"If any of us catch you mugging people around here once again, you know what's gonna happen to you, right?"

"I know, you're gonna kill me, please man, please!", the kid started crying in desperation.

"Now you're crying? Fuck, show some balls! We're not gonna kill you", Billy stated calmly. "Maybe rip off a few of your fingernails, just to get started." He motioned Bodie to let him go, and the kid ran for his life.

Billy put the purse over a table, opened it and pulled out a wallet.

"Let's see what we got here. Well, well, well… talk about coincidence", he said, showing that cashier's driver's license to Joe and Heco.

"That's her, that's that bitch! No way, man. Oh, no way."

"Well, she's 27… 27? Hell, she looks 22. But wait, it gets better. She has two different licenses, one from Detroit and one from Minneapolis."

That was definitely saying something about her, and now Billy knew he had reasons to be puzzled after all.

"Let me see that", Bodie said, getting one of the licenses from Billy's hand. "Elisabeth? Alma just told me that a girl named Elisabeth moved to the apartment upstairs. Could be her. She's new in town, people don't know her, she doesn't know the place… she could get mugged."

"All right. Run a little background check on her, give her purse back, and tell her to come by Four Roses tomorrow night. Let's… apologize." Billy said, with an evil smirk on his lips. That ought to be fun.


	3. 03 Risky Business

_**Like water in the desert, I looked for your uncertain step**_

_**To get closer in time**_

_**Your war codes and the certainty that surrounds you**_

_**Make me stay alert**_

James sat on the corner of Lisa's bed, waiting for her to comb his hair. They both awaited for that moment every morning, when they would talk nonsense, laugh, Lisa would comb his hair into Mohican styles… Deep inside, she felt like she needed to make up for the hours they were apart.

"So, ready for your second day at school?"

"Why do I have to go every day?"

"Well, dear, 'cause mom's got to work every day. I have to make money to buy make rent, buy us food, give you presents, everything. I'm gonna take you to work some day, so that you see what is it that mom does at the market. Ok?"

"Yeah, all right."

"Now let me see that smile, come on." she said, sitting next to him. James looked at her from the corner of his eye. "Don't make me tickle you, it will really mess your hair."

He showed her a shy smile, but it was enough to calm her restless heart. A loud banging on the door made them jump from the bed.

"Stay here, I'll be right back."

Through the peephole, a white guy, with a tattoo across his neck with some saying Lisa couldn't understand. He seemed suspicious, but then again, so did everyone. She opened the door anyway.

"Can I help you?"

"You Elisabeth?"

"Yeah. Why?"

He extended his arm and handed her purse. Lisa couldn't help her surprise.

"Wow, this was fast. Thanks."

"Billy asks you to come over to Four Roses tonight. He wants to meet you and apologize for what happened."

"Billy? Who's Billy? And what the hell is Four Roses?"

But he was already gone. Lisa went back in, sat down to check if everything was still in the purse, and it was. Nothing was missing, not one single dime, and Lisa sighed in relief.

"James! Come here, honey. Let's see Alma."

"Hi… sorry to bother you again, I just wanted you to know that they returned my purse."

By then, Mama Jo had already called James to go inside and taste some of her freshly baked cookies.

"Oh, thank God!"

"Yeah! It was some guy, I figured he's a gang member or something. The weird part is, he tells me this guy Billy wants to meet me tonight at a place called Four Roses, to apologize and shit. Who the hell is Billy?"

Alma laughed out loud, and Lisa sensed something bad was about to be said.

"He's the gang lord, I've known him for all my life. He and my brother are, like, inseparable."

Lisa didn't even want to consider that Billy could be that guy from the market.

"Un-fucking-believable. I ran 800 miles to find myself involved with this shit again."

"Well, Billy doesn't like when this kind of thing happen around here. You better go meet him, dear. You don't wanna be on his black list, or even worse, you don't wanna be in debt with him."

"In debt? I never asked for him to find my purse, I could've done that myself!"

"Sorry to say, but now you are."

Lisa couldn't wrap her head around what to do next.

"I'm not babysitting tonight, I can look after James for you, if you want."

"Shit. All right, I'll go then." She resigned. It wasn't like she had a choice.

That day was a little easier to leave James at the daycare, and so Lisa got to go to work feeling lighter and happier. She needed that peace of mind, but her peace was stirred ever time she thought about meeting that man later on.

"Are you all right? You've been quiet all day", Kat said when they were leaving the market.

Lisa stopped her stroll, and so did Kathryn.

"It's just that… I was mugged on my way home last night, and…"

"Mugged?"

"Yeah, but see, I got my purse back this morning, delivered by some guy who says that their 'leader' wants to meet me tonight at Four Roses, or whatever that is. And meeting a gang leader is something that I wasn't willing to do, but on the other hand, I don't wanna be that girl, you know? I don't want them to be under the impression that I'm ungrateful or something."

"Believe me, the Four Roses is not a nice place. But you do have a choice, right? You don't go there and that's it… so what?"

Kat's naivety made Lisa laugh.

"You know nothing about gangs, do you? If I don't show up, I'm gonna find myself in their debt, and I really don't want that to happen."

"I don't, but you sure know a thing or two about gangs."

"Blame Detroit. I guess I gotta go now… Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it." Lisa trailed off.

"Good luck! Hope to see you tomorrow with all your ten fingers!"

James ran down the hall straight to Lisa's arms.

"Whoa, easy there, buddy!" she said, as he bumped on her, making her gasp. "How was your day?"

"It was fun. Mrs. Calvin played guitar."

"She did? That's so cool!"

"Yeah. She said we can learn it when we're older."

"Hun, you can learn anything that you want. Listen… mom is going out tonight, ok? You'll stay with Alma."

"Out? Where?"

"I'm going to have dinner with a friend."

"Can I go?"

"No, dear… it's a grown up kind of thing. It won't take long, I promise."

"I really hope this towel is not your final outfit", Alma said, joking, while coming inside. They only knew each other for a couple of days, and yet they both felt completely at ease.

"Hey! I… I know this sounds stupid, but I just don't know what to wear."

"What do you mean, you don't know what to wear? It's just a bar, for Christ's sake! And a very shitty one, I might add."

"I know, but… I can't decide."

"Want some help?"

"Please."

Alma and James followed Lisa to her bedroom, and looked at her clothes.

"Wow. Are you sure you're a woman? I know a seven-year old girl that's got more clothes than you."

Lisa smiled awkwardly, and James answered for her.

"Dad burned all her clothes."

"What?"

"Yeah, it was a few months ago, so this is all I managed to buy since then."

"How did that…? I mean, why?"

Within a second, Lisa revived all that, it was still so fresh in her memory. The smoke, the madness, the chaos, the fire consuming clothes of a lifetime… the bruises.

"So, what about this shirt and these jeans?"

It was enough for Alma to understand that the subject was still too painful to be brought up.

"I think it's perfect."

Lisa wanted that night to end, before it even began. What she didn't know was that she was sabotaging herself, but Alma was honest enough to point that out the moment Lisa got out of her bedroom.

"Lip gloss? Eyeliner? Really?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Billy's really not that hard to impress, you know."

"You're drawing out a whole lot of conclusions here." Lisa said, concealing her pocket knife in her coat pocket.

"Yeah, whatever. Do you know how to get there?"

"Sort of. Don't worry, I'll find it."

"You be careful, girl."

Alma stared right at her, and Lisa felt it wasn't lip service, like she knew that Lisa needed to watch her steps.

"I can handle it." Lisa said on her way out. Alma didn't believe that, neither did Lisa. It would take some willpower to get through the night.

As Lisa set foot on the sidewalk, that freezing wind blew over her, and one would think that it was a sign from heaven, trying to make Lisa turn around and go back home. But she just crossed her arms and marched on.

"What the fuck are you talking about, man?"

"Billy, I'm telling you, man. We're on our own now, we gotta watch out."

"Same difference, Bodie. We've always been on our own."

"Yeah, but this is different, dog. It's just the five of us now. Ever thought about that?"

That was all Billy had been thinking about the past few days. As much as he hated to admit it, it was easier before Bones got killed in a deal gone bad. Money was shorter, and now Billy was starting to see who was with him, and who wasn't. That's what Bodie was talking about. After learning that two guys who were from his crew were now working for the Cutty Macks, Billy even considered killing them, but for some odd reason, he couldn't make it happen.

"I cannot believe she came", Joe said, making Billy turn around and smirk.

"Of course she came. By now, someone must have told her how things work around here… when Billy calls you, you better show up", she said, standing up.

Four Roses didn't even need a sign; the red stained glass panel was more than enough for Lisa to identify the place as a gang spot. Even before going inside, she knew exactly what kind of place and people she would find there. Dim lights, a bar that served maybe 2 different types of beer at max, and in the back, a reserved area and a pool table, probably lacking a couple of balls. "Same shit everywhere", she thought, sitting on a bench by the bar.

"Water, please."

The moment Lisa finished that sentence, she sensed a movement to her right, and a figure coming her way. She stared at that bottle of water for as long as she could, scared. Not of him, but of herself. Her sight was abruptly attracted to him, like filings on a magnet. In the dim lights, all her freckles seemed to be gone, and now she looked like her real age.

"Elisabeth?"

"Yeah."

"I think we've met before."

He blew the smoke of his cigarette, and it drew an atmosphere of mystery around him, as if no one really got to know who he was. The perfectly placed rings, the rolled up sleeves allowing Lisa to see more of that tattoo of his. But what was really fantastic about his whole physiognomy was the ambiguity that it expressed; maybe a kind of intelligence and poise, but in his eyes, shone flashes of madness. Those eyes that attempted to steal what was left of Lisa's sanity.

"We did… Billy. You and your friends shopping for groceries that other night."

He smiled, enjoying her sense of sarcasm. She had something else, it wasn't beauty – she was fairly average – but it was something sad, something missing, that ultimately defined her as a woman. Billy sized her up almost methodically, one inch at a time. The blood in Lisa's veins followed his gaze all the way up to her cheeks.

"Anyway, I heard you just moved in, and got mugged. That right?"

"Yeah, I moved in like, three days ago, and when I was coming home from work, a bunch of stupid kids mugged me."

He stared at her like he couldn't give a shit, but had to act like he care because he had a business to run.

"Well, I can assure you that it won't happen again. People don't get mugged around here at Stokely Hall."

Lisa took a sip from her water, trying to swallow the words, but they just came out.

"Bad for the business, right?"

His nose twitched, and as more as he wanted to tell her that she was a nosy bitch, the blaze coming from her eyes stopped him. She grew smarter and changed subjects.

"I heard I might in debt with you for returning me my purse."

"It's not a debt. Consider it… a deposit", he said with a smirk, so dangerously charming that made Lisa's heart jump in her chest. She looked around, trying to fight the urge to stare back at him, and saw his crew looking at them, itching with curiosity, specially that younger one.

"That a pool table?" she asked, pointing to it.

"Don't tell me you play pool", he said, the cigarette dangling from the tip of his grin. Lisa grinned back.

"Wanna bet?"

"Oh, I'm yet to see the day when I get beat at pool by a woman."

Lisa pulled 20 bucks from her pocket and put it on the counter.

"Single shots, who gets more balls down wins. I think you're gonna be in my debt from now on."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. Easiest 20 bucks I've ever made."

"And please, oh please, tell your crew that I'm not on display tonight", she said, standing up. Billy's glare was enough to get the message through. However, when she took off her coat, something fell on the floor, drawing everybody's attention – it was her switchblade. The guys looked at each other, confused, and she tried to act cool, putting it back in the pocket and moving on to choose her cue stick. Her reactions were starting to puzzle Billy.

"What the fuck is going on?" Joe asked, frowning. "What kind of woman carries a knife with her? Is she gonna play pool? I don't get it."

"I don't know."

"Hey, Bodie! Isn't the girl from the supermarket? Your neighbor?"

"Yep. Didn't like her then, don't like her now." He said, downing a tequila shot.

"I'll even give you the chance to start", he said, tilting his head back. That massive neck of his always made a point on its own, but Billy's confidence soon faded the moment when Lisa bent over to shoot the first ball. Her legs wrapped up in jeans, the strap boots, even the simple white T she was wearing, everything added up to a perfect design. All the guy's jaws dropped, but were swiftly put back in their places by yet another harsh look from Billy. At first, the attraction was unintentional, but then, he was taken by a sudden urge to find out what made that woman so damn mysterious.

Lisa got one ball down in the pocket, and didn't say a word.

"Beginner's luck", he said, going for a shot and missing it completely. Lisa walked around the table, setting up her strategy.

"What makes you think… I'm a beginner?" One more ball down. Apparently being sober wasn't working for Billy.

"I can see that. I guess I'm gonna need a drink to get started. What are you drinking?"

"Water."

"You don't drink?"

"Nope."

"You smoke?"

"Nope."

"Geez. You fuck?"

"Is this a pool game or a quiz?"

The words were just falling from her mouth, but it amused him somehow. In between shots, Lisa's attention was drawn to the tune that was starting to play. The lyrics made her smile, as the lyrics fell right into place, word after word, got her feeling that something was missing… a cigarette, a whiskey shot, Billy's skin on hers.

_**I can't shake this feeling from my head, there's a devil sleeping in my bed**_

_**He's watching you from across the way, I cannot make this feeling go away**_

_**I know it's not the right thing, and I know it's not the good thing**_

_**But kinda I want to...**_

_**I'm not sure of what I should do, when everything I'm thinking of is you**_

_**All of my excuses turn to lies, maybe God will cover up his eyes**_

_**And I know it's not the right thing, and I know it's not the good thing**_

_**But kinda I want to...**_

_**Kinda I want to, maybe just for tonight, we can pretend it's alright**_

_**What's the price I pay? I don't care what they say**_

_**I want to, I want to... (Nine Inch Nails)**_

Lisa knew he was staring at her, and part of her really wanted him to slam her down on that pool table, right then and there. It was like Billy could smell her blood boiling inside her veins, her desires had been put aside for way too long, and maybe Billy was way too much for her to handle.

"Fuck, you play like a man", he said, kind of to himself, trying to seem not so pissed off by the fact that Lisa was indeed winning the game.

"Similarities end there, though." she said, focusing on the game, keeping her eye on the ball, and away from him. But he knew better. He knew why she was avoiding contact, he just needed to be sure. Billy stood there, like a predator on the prowl, waiting for the right moment to pounce on her. And that moment came when she was bending over again to shoot another ball, and he passed by, behind her, making sure she felt the rough touch of his body. He could almost feel her shiver. Of course, it made her miss.

"That was a cheap shot." she said, staring at him.

"What?" Billy asked, staring back. She just shook her head and kept on.

Their little game didn't last long. A few minutes later, Lisa got her last ball in the pocket, and placed her hands on her waist. The guys at the table cheered as if it was a Celtics victory, couldn't even stop laughing when Billy gave them a freezing scowl. The youngest one even had the guts to shout, making Lisa laugh:

"She can't pass an item through the scan, but damn it, the woman can play pool!"

It was a risky game to play. Apparently, he wasn't used to losing. Billy scratched the back of his head, uneasy, clearly upset, but Lisa couldn't care less.

"I guess we may have a problem with losing", Lisa stated, facing him.

Billy wouldn't even look her in the eyes; all he did was rub his nose, a habit that Lisa knew all too well. When he finally looked at her, it was with complete disregard. "She's so lucky she's a girl", he thought. His voice came out husky, the words almost cluttered in his throat.

"I guess you can go now… Lisa."

Now it was her turn to be arrogant. She sized him up and grabbed her coat.

"You still owe me twenty", she said, pointing at him. With that, Lisa turned around and left, but still heard murmurs in the background, probably the guys were making fun of him. "What a waste of time", she thought. That night had only made her want to smoke and drink again, and God knows where that would lead. But the worst part was that now she also wanted Billy… ad she really shouldn't.

Billy couldn't help but stare at her hips swaying as she walked away. He didn't know whether to hate her or love her. Hell, she didn't mean anything anyway, just another chick. But Billy certainly had a soft spot for a hot girl that carries a switchblade in her pocket.

Lisa opened the door slowly, only to find Alma and James watching "Lilo & Stitch" – James' all time favorite. Or better, Alma was watching and James was already drooling on her lap.

"So, how was it?" Alma asked, as if she already knew what Lisa would say.

Lisa looked away, searching for the answer, but all she could do was grin.

"Oh, I don't like that grin. Don't tell me you… did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Well, you know"

"No, I didn't. All right? I kinda wish I did, though", she said, sitting on the armrest. "Don't worry, I behaved. I only drank a bottle of water and won a pool game."

"He must be pissed", she said, finally smiling.

"Look at me. Could I care less? He's hot and all, but in the end, he's just a prick little gangster who thinks he's as special as the bullet that killed Kennedy. The worst part is that no one tells him otherwise."

"Careful there, Lisa. Billy's not that simple to understand, he's not your regular gangster. He's selfish and sadistic, and just plain mad."

"Yeah, whatever. I just hope I never have to cross paths with him again, although he still owes me 20 bucks… Now, you go home, dear. It's late."

"I still cannot believe she beat you", Joe said, still cracking up.

"I am the one who's going to beat you if you don't shut that fucking mouth now", Billy said, lighting up a cigarette. "Unbelievable", he mumbled.

"All I know is that she can pass me through her scanner any time!" Heco replied, laughing. Billy remained quiet. It didn't take much to piss him off, and that girl did it.

"Let's talk business. Are we all set for tonight?"

They all looked at each other, not so sure of what to say. Bodie was the first one to speak his mind.

"Whatever, man. We're not selling shit these days anyway. Fucking Cutty Macks, they're taking over all the free corners and they've got all of our fucking customers!"

Billy scratched the back of his head, lit up a cigarette, downed a shot of whiskey and slammed the glass on the table.

"So you're just gonna sit there and do nothing? You're gonna stand and watch as we go fucking broke?"

"No, man. We gotta do something." Again, Bodie was the only one to talk. Billy took a deep puff off his smoke, considering all the possible moves in that situation. The checkmate was getting closer.

"Let me worry about that. Now go. We still have shit to sell."


	4. 04 Any Given Sunday

_**I want to steal you away**_

_**I never knew how to ask for anything**_

_**My road is a bit lost**_

_**But may losing be the best way**_

It was the first time since they arrived that Lisa had one whole day to spend with James. After a lazy morning doing a few chores together, such as washing dishes and doing laundry, Lisa didn't feel like cooking and decided to have lunch with James at a diner nearby. She also wanted to take some time to see the neighborhood, she needed to know where were the drugstores, coffee shops, hospitals.

They walked in and Lisa couldn't help but seat in a booth near the exit, some habits were hard to break. Lisa helped James choose what he wanted for lunch, they ordered their food, and kept talking about their newly found life, while James played with two of his Hot Wheels using the table as a race track. Speaking of cars, a few moments later a loud engine roar drew Lisa's attention, and she spotted a red muscle car parking, three guys coming out of it. She promptly recognized them from Four Roses. That was just perfection. Lisa tried not to care, as she wasn't going to talk to them, and as far as she knew, they had no reason to talk to her. From the corner of her eye, she saw them sitting at a table a bit far from her, but they wouldn't stop looking at her, to which she responded with a firm gaze, letting them know that she wasn't intimidated. They exchanged a few words, and that younger guy that had made fun of Billy the night before, seemed uneasy.

"Isn't the girl from last night? The cashier that whooped Billy's ass at pool?" Joe asked.

"Yeah, that's her. That girl has been crossing our paths too often lately", Bodie said, not amused. Heco shared the same feeling.

"I know. See the way she stares back at us?"

"Come on guys, cut her some slack. Look at her, she's got a kid. She seems nice to me." Joe said, standing up and going over to talk to her.

"Joe! Joe, come here man! Man, he's retarded. I swear to God he's fucking retarded."

Although she didn't really want to be around them, that kid had something about him. Something less threatening than the others, maybe.

"Hi! Lisa, right?"

"Yes." She replied, laconically, not looking at him.

"I'm Joe. I'm Billy's brother."

That comment made Lisa look up to him. Now, that was interesting.

"And who is this little guy?"

"He's my son, James."

"Your… your son? You have a son?"

"Yep. Is that so surprising?"

"No, it's just that… you're young and all."

Lisa stared at him, while he showed that freshness and awkwardness, so typical from youngsters. Finally, he felt like he was a little bit out of place.

"I… I just wanted to say that you did great last night. Billy never loses at pool, and the fact that you beat him, dude, it gave us enough reason to mock him for like, a year."

"I bet it did."

The waitress interrupted that non-conversation with their lunch.

"Anyway, it was nice seeing you again. Bye James! See you, Lisa!"

"Not", Lisa completed, under her breath.

As he walked back to his friends, who were clearly upset, all that Lisa could think of was that he was way too young and too naïve to be around his brother.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Heco said, slapping the back of Joe's head.

"Hey man! I was just trying to be nice and shit."

"We're not nice, Joe. When are you gonna realize that?"

"All right, all right. I like her, though."

"Did she ask anything about Billy?"

"No. Why?"

"I thought she would. Now eat your fucking burger and let's get the hell out of here."

They finished their lunch, and Lisa didn't want to stay a second longer in that place. Being around them was no good at all. As they walked home, Lisa took some time to make snow angels with James, they played a little, but it was freezing, and it was also time for his nap, so Lisa picked him up.

Back at home, she laid him on the couch and covered him with a blanket. As he got comfortable, she asked him, as sweetly as she could.

"So, sweetie, do you like this place? Huh? What do you say?"

James nodded and shot one of those straight-forward questions that only children, being so pure, can make.

"Where's dad?"

Lisa took a deep breath. How to explain that to a three-year old child, in a way that made sense?

"James, you remember the things that dad did to me? Remember?"

He lowered his eyes. As much as he missed a father figure, he also remembered all that happened with Lisa, she knew it. He was a child, but he surely wasn't dumb. She kept on.

"He yelled all the time, and hurt mom a lot of times. That's why he's not with us anymore. Here, no one can hurt us, not even him."

All that Lisa could do was hold him, and then she laid him back down on her lap. They were away from James' father, and yet, it seemed that he just wouldn't leave them alone.

It didn't take long for James to fall asleep while Lisa watched TV, mindlessly. Some time later, Alma showed up.

"Hey!" she said, in a low voice, seeing that James was asleep.

"Hey! Come in, I'm gonna put him in his bed."

"So… what are you up to?", Alma asked, when Lisa came back to the living room.

"Not much, you know", she replied, sitting on the armrest and sliding onto the couch. "We went out to lunch today, met some of Billy's 'friends'. His little brother even came up to talk to us. It was really weird… he seems nice, though. Not the type of person that would join a gang if his brother didn't lead one."

"Yeah… Joe is alright."

Alma paused for a while before asking the next question.

"How are you hanging in?"

"OK, I guess. It's only been a few days, so…"

"You still got a little bit of Detroit going on your mind, right?"

"It's hard to just let everything go, at once. I'm still getting used to people asking my name and replying 'Elisabeth', and having a real job, I mean… it's a whole lot of changes."

Alma's smile was just another proof of the blessed soul that she was.

"I won't even ask your real name… I don't want to confuse you. But I've been meaning to ask you this… how did you end up here? I mean… if you want to talk about it."

Lisa grabbed a pillow, fluffed it on her lap like a 13-year old.

"No, it's ok. It's not like I can erase it anyway. Long story short, I've been a troubled kid all my life. I was an only child, my father didn't give two shits about me, I was bored to death, looking for some fun, ended up with the wrong people… It all started when I was 13, I guess, using and then selling drugs, and that was when I met Matt – James' father. Back then he was just another dealer like me. At 17, I got busted and sent to juvie for a year and a half, and when I left, I had nowhere to go. Nowhere at all. I'll never forget that day."

She looked away, amazed at how strongly the memories came back, accompanied by that sense of desolation and complete insecurity.

"Rain was pouring that night. I walked for miles and miles, ended up completely soaked at Matt's door… he was now a small gang leader. I started working for him, next thing I know, we were dating. He knew that I was good with numbers, so I worked with his finance, moonlighting as a collector, you know, just for the kicks. Did some pretty rough stuff… Years later, when I found out I was pregnant, I got off the streets, everything changed, and it really wasn't that hard for me, you know? That baby was my attempt at happiness, 'cause I was seeing as Matt went from petty thug to one of the most feared gang lords in Detroit… and from loving boyfriend to an abusive man. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'd been beaten, stabbed, even shot at. But it's different when it comes from someone who's supposed to care about you."

Lisa took a deep breath before wrapping it up.

"A month ago, I decided it was enough. I didn't want to raise James like that, with all that fear. I wanted him to have a chance, the chance that I never had."

Alma let out a "wow", before making any comments.

"You ever regret accepting Matt's help?"

"How could I? He gave me James. I could never regret that."

"And now you go on and meet Billy." Alma said, with a smirk.

"Yeah. He's the kind of person I least wanted to meet. But I gotta tell you, he doesn't seem that bad to me. A bit fucked up, but not that bad."

"Ok, now you're just sugarcoating the devil."

"Maybe. I mean, you know him better than I do."

"Oh, I know him. I've known him since he and Bodie were kids. I remember him when he still had some hair on that head, always nosing around his father's body shop, trying to learn how to fix those cars, and his old man always shutting him down. I guess got tired of being ignored… and ended up being who he is now."

"See? Not that bad", Lisa said, with a smirk. Alma knew that she was making up excuses, and Lisa knew that as well.

"Well, I just wanted to check on you guys. I'm glad to see you're pulling though this."

She reached out a hand to Lisa, who grabbed it.

"We will pull through."

"All right. I'm gonna let you rest a bit. You take care,dear."

"You too. Good night, Alma."

Alma left, and Lisa's mind dwelled on memories of a life that seemed to be so far behind her. The distance from her old self was what helped her to move on.

Later on in the night, Lisa was all set in her warmest sweater, watching some random TV show when someone banged loudly on her door, making her jump right up on the couch.

"Good Lord", she exclaimed, her heart racing, "who is it this late at night?"

The view from the other side of the door wasn't amusing. It was Billy, already scratching his head and looking around.

"Shit", she cussed, making Billy grin. Lisa opened the door with a nonchalant "Yeah".

Billy gave her that same damn scornful look from the night before, and peeped inside the apartment.

"Aren't you gonna invite me in?"

Lisa knew that saying "no" would be pointless, so she just opened the door a bit more, and he stepped in, took off his coat, like he was an old time friend, a gun shoved down in the waistband of his scruffy dark jeans. Lisa leaned on the closed door, crossed her arms and opened fire.

"May I ask you what the hell you're doing here?"

"I still owe you 20 bucks, in case you don't remember", he said, turning around to face her.

"Right. You want me to believe you're here to pay me, when any of your thugs could have done it for you? Plus, you know I don't need your money, it was just a stupid bet. Give me a break."

He stared right at her, and Lisa could finally see all the shades of his green eyes, and the many scars that crossed his face. It was time for him to tell her the real reason why he was there.

"I hear you have a past."

"We all have a past."

"But you're running away from yours, aren't you? When you were mugged, I got your documents and ran your files. You did some crazy shit in your life, Anna Mae Taylor. Or would you be Elisabeth Marie Hastings? I'm confused."

Lisa chuckled at his failed attempt of being ironic.

"You can call me Colonel fucking Mustard, if you want."

"I guess I'll stick with Lisa. And when we met last night, you left no doubt. You have that… that attitude. A pocket knife isn't a common item in the pockets of girls that I know."

"What's your point? I mean, if you have one."

"My point is that I could use a talent like yours."

The way he put his words prompted an avalanche of thoughts in her mind. Her lack of answer showed hi that he had hit the spot. Billy smelled like an explosive mixture of alcohol, tobacco and blood, and she knew that being with him was walking a mine field: one wrong step and it would all blow up… Lisa liked that. She always liked the risk, the thrill, that rush started poisoning her veins, yet somehow she managed to control it. No. No more.

"Come here", Lisa said, walking into the bedroom. She needed to make things clear, for him and for herself. James was sleeping like angels ought to sleep. Lisa crossed her arms and said, sternly.

"This is my only talent now."

"He yours?"

Lisa smiled proudly and nodded, while Billy stared blankly at her son for a minute. It was like he went back 15 years and was now looking at Joe, sleeping on that bed. The kid looked just like him, and it got Billy reminiscing about Joe's mother. After she had her share of mistakes, she finally decided to leave them. Of course Billy didn't feel for it, having never met his own mother, but that morning when Joe woke up and she wasn't there… he'd never seen someone cry that hard. Now there he was, being confronted with his past, not knowing what to make of it.

In silence, they went back to the living room, her eyes fixed on the tattoo on his neck, she wanted so badly to see where that went. Billy realized that any thoughts would quickly vanish from his mind whenever he looked at her shifty eyes. It was time for his move.

"So… how do you want me to pay your 20 bucks?"

"Let me see", Lisa faked a thoughtful face. "How about two ten-dollar bills?"

"I have a better thing in mind."

"I'd like to see that."

Her petulance should piss him off; instead, it only made him want her even more. Lisa was falling into his intricate web of sin, and if she gave in, there was no coming back.

Truth is, no hot-blooded woman could resist when his strapping hand grabbed the back of Lisa's neck, pulling her over for a fierce, first, fiery kiss, to which she surrendered completely. His tongue wanted to invade her, in every sense, and Lisa was ready and willing to be invaded by him. Billy could smell her desire and pulled her by the waist, pressing his body against hers, so that Lisa could feel all of his excitement… and what an excitement it was. It wasn't like he wanted her… he needed her. She let herself get caught in that trance, until she regained her senses and pushed him away, panting, trying to say something.

"I'm… I just… I can't, sorry. I mean, James' sleeping right there and… I don't know. I'm sorry. I think you should go now."

Billy rubbed his nose, looked away, upset. He knew what she meant, he just didn't agree with it.

"Yeah. I'll take off then", he said, grabbing his coat and banging the door on his way out. Lisa let herself fall on the couch… all she needed was to sleep and pretend that none of that happened.

"What am I doing?" he thought while coming down the stairs. "How can a girl that I don't even know help me with my business? How desperate am I? How… tired?"

The sight of James kept playing over and over in the back of his head. Lisa was somebody's mother, and unintentionally, she threw that on his face. The thoughts wouldn't leave him alone.

"He ain't Joe, she ain't his mother, why do you even care? Fuck it, I'm losing it, I'm losing it."

On the way to his car, suddenly, he trembled when an idea that he'd been having was there again, but under a whole new shape – quitting his crime life. A while ago, this was nothing but a thought, but now the idea seemed so solid that Billy could almost touch it. Her house had something that made Billy want to stay around, but he just couldn't. With a life that was all about chaos, he had never learned how to deal with peace.

Billy drove away to the corner where the guys were, trying hard to delete what had happened from his mind. He had other things to worry about.

"How's business?" he asked, coming out of the car.

"Slow" Heco replied, counting a couple of bills.

"Fuck", Billy cursed under his breath. He could never imagine that things would actually be harder without Bones around. There were different people to pay now, and it wasn't easy. The effort wasn't enough to make real money, and for the past few months, they've been barely able to get enough to pay for their own expenses.

"We met Lisa today", Joe said out of nowhere, getting a harsh look from Heco.

"So?"

"Billy, your little brother needs to see a doctor or something. He's getting more stupid with each day, man. We were having lunch, and he just went there to talk to her. Can you believe that?"

"I told you, she seems nice and I can talk to whoever the fuck I wanna talk to!"

Billy fell back and watched as they had their little stupid argument.

"What's wrong? You barely know her! We didn't know where she came from, or what she's doing here!"

"Come on, she's just a cashier."

Billy decided it was time to talk.

"She's not just a cashier. Baggy ran her up. She has a past, but I think she quit this life some time ago. Her latest records were more than 4 years ago."

Joe widened his eyes.

"Are you serious?"

Billy just nodded, and Heco added "I knew it!"

"Well, now I like her even more!", Joe said, laughing.

"I'm telling you man. Crazy!" Heco said, walking away, followed by Joe. Billy sat back down on the driver's seat, once again absorbed in his thoughts. He had no idea now he would raise enough money that week. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to put that much effort on it, anyway. He was definitely running out of options.


	5. 05 Dangerous Liaisons

_**The song played at the wrong time**_

_**And I thought I knew it all**_

_**But when it comes to you, I know nothing**_

Being from out of town was a paradox for Lisa. It was good that no one knew her, because she didn't owe anybody any explanation; on the other hand, it was hard to find someone to lean on. Alma seemed like a nice woman, though, and Lisa needed someone she could talk to, share her concerns and thoughts.

But that night, after picking up James, a different face showed up when Lisa knocked on Alma's door.

"Uh… is Alma here?"

Lisa had seen him before, at the supermarket, at Four Roses. The guy could only be Alma's brother, Bodie. He went inside, screaming her name, as if the apartment had a hundred rooms, and soon she came up.

"Sorry about that. Bodie and his usual bad humor." Alma said, stepping out and closing the door.

"Don't worry. I just wanted to tell you that Billy showed up last night… and we ended up kissing and stuff", Lisa whispered, smiling.

"Oh my…"

"I know! Why do I always have to pick up the wrong guys? And I mean, there's wrong, and there's wrong, and there's him. He makes me want things that I shouldn't want anymore. But he was… inescapable."

"All right, listen, I feel like I should warn you here, although you know this already. Do you really want someone like Billy Darley in your life? In your son's life?"

Lisa looked down to James, who was now playing with his cars on the floor.

"I know that, all right? I mean, my head knows it, but my blood…" Lisa blushed a little.

"Yeah, he's hot, and he's got that bad boy vibe going on, but if you're gonna do this, you gotta make sure it's a one-night stand. That's the way he does it, anyway. You won't have much of a choice."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh come on. You'd have to go a hundred miles to find a girl that hasn't slept with him yet. And from what I hear, he's more addictive than everything he sells."

"I almost don't care about it" Lisa said, grinning.

"All I ask from you is, don't make me say 'I told you so'."

"Yeah. Well, I'll be upstairs. Come on, James. See ya!"

Alma closed the door with a heavy heart. Being involved with Billy was never good, and she truly cared about Lisa. But to each his own, she thought… Lisa should be mature enough to know what's best for her.

To Lisa, however, things were finally getting easier, as she tried not to think about what had happened between her and Billy, and redirected her focus to all the good that was going on in her life. James was starting to enjoy his time at day care, it was actually bringing out a brighter, happier side of him, and Lisa loved every second of it. As a mother, it did her an enormous good, feeling that she was raising James the right way. Even better, she was able to provide for them both by working, and had someone to rely on. All of those things combined calmed her restless heart.

A brand new Tuesday came, and as Lisa was arriving with James, she met Alma and a friend of hers, in front of their building.

"Hey Lisa! Hi James! This is Trudy, a friend of mine… I was just talking to her, we're going to The Pulse tonight, you wanna come with us?"

"Well, it depends… What's The Pulse?" she asked, laughing.

"It's just a club nearby. Good music, great drinks, hot guys."

It sounded good. Back in the days when she didn't have James, Lisa would never refuse an invitation to a party. But things were different now.

"I don't know…"

"Come on, you deserve some fun! Mama Jo can take care of James, I bet he'll be already sleeping when we leave anyway."

Lisa sighed. She could use a little fun. Good old clean fun.

"All right, all right, I'll go."

"I knew it! Ok, we'll leave at ten. Meet you down here."

She didn't even go upstairs – she headed straight to the nearest drugstore, to find something to dye her hair with. That was the first step to feel good about herself again. Back home, she asked James for help with her hair, and somehow Lisa managed to keep him involved during the whole process… when she finally blow-dried it, that radiant red wine tone came up, just the way she liked it. As Lisa ran her fingers through the strands of hair, there couldn't be a more honest compliment.

"Mom… your hair is awesome!"

Something about the way James said "awesome" made her giggle every time. When Lisa moved on to the next step, make up, she had to refuse James' help; it was time to tuck him in, anyway. Minutes later, when James was already sleeping and she was done with the make-up, Lisa looked different. She felt different. It was like that last touch of lip gloss brought up a feminine side of hers, which she had overlooked for years. Feminine, but never fragile.

"Good gracious, my dear. You're beautiful", Mama Jo said, kindly, coming in.

"Thanks, Mama. Uh… James' already down for the night, so I hope it won't be much of a trouble to look after him tonight."

"It's no trouble at all, Lisa. Now go, Alma's waiting for you downstairs."

"Yeah", she said, under her breath.

"Oh my God, do I know you?" Alma asked, laughing out loud. "Give me back my friend, stranger!"

Lisa smiled.

"That's all Lisa, babe."

"All right! Jump in then."

She thought twice before getting into that car, foreseeing everything that could happen if she faltered somehow. All she needed was to learn how to have fun again.

The place wasn't too crowded, the music was great, and they met some other girls there. They had loads of fun. The girls danced, laughed, until they decided it was time to celebrate.

"Let's hear a cheer!", Trudy said, raising her shot glass. All the other glasses were raised, except for Lisa, because she didn't have one. She didn't have a choice but to raise her glass of water in the air. Much to her surprise, they already had a phrase for it.

"God, may the bad ones be not that bad, and the good ones not that boring!"

"Oh, I like that!" Lisa said, cracking up, while the girls downed their shots.

"Lisa! Lisa, come here."

"Yeah."

"9 o'clock, totally hot guy checking you out", Alma said, sounding like a 12-year old.

"Really?" she said, turning around and trying to be discrete. "He's hot indeed! But I'm telling you, after all these years, I am so not on my A game."

"Well, you better…"

Alma had no time to finish it. A male voice interrupted her with a "hi", followed by a touch on Lisa's shoulder.

"Hey."

"Mind if I buy you a drink?"

"And we're off to a bad start", Lisa thought.

"Uh, actually I don't drink, but thanks anyway."

"I see. What's your name?"

Time to pull out an old trick.

"Melissa", I said, looking at Alma, who was looking like she was about to burst a laugh.

"You know, they call me Chaz", the guy said, as if he was proud of that.

"Aw… you can't get them to stop?"

He chuckled, nervously, and looked around.

"That's funny, you're… funny."

No need to say that the guy walked away a few seconds later, mildly embarrassed, and Lisa turned around, cracking up. But Alma's smile was now faded, she was gazing firmly at one direction. Lisa followed her sight, and saw Billy standing there, in the crowd, surrounded by a pack of girls. Her legs almost failed her. In the heat of the club, he was wearing only a black t-shirt, jeans hanging low on his hips, those tattoos fully exposed, as if drawing a trap of their own… and Lisa was ready to get caught.

As the music started, those girls opened up a space for them to dance, and Lisa couldn't believe her eyes. It was like Billy had his own private show.

_**I saw him from a distance**_

_**And I watched him make his way to the bar**_

_**He walked up to me slowly, whispers and he says**_

_**"I know who you are, I wanna get to know you"**_

_**I can tell he was a player**_

_**But he knows just how to make ya lose control**_

_**Somehow I knew, shawty is a killa**_

_**But I really want him, and I gotta have him tonight**_

_**Straight a heartbreaker**_

_**But it really don't matter, 'cause I really want him tonight**_

"Did I miss something?", she asked, turning to Alma. "What the fuck is that? Line dancing or something?"

"See that one with the braids? That's Stacy. Dated Billy for a while, didn't take it very well when he dumped her. It was like a year ago and she's still not over it."

The girl was throwing herself all around Billy, and he was only half-amused, looking around. Lisa realized it was time to vanish for a while.

"I'm gonna get some more water."

_**The way he licks his lips, I'm in an infatuated state of mind**_

_**He's so hard to resist, I gotta tell you, baby boy, you're so fine**_

_**Just gotta have you, oh yeah**_

_**I can tell he was a player**_

_**But he knows just how to make ya lose control**_

_**Somehow I knew, shawty is a killa**_

_**But I really want him, and I gotta have him tonight**_

_**Straight a heartbreaker**_

_**But it really don't matter, 'cause I really want him tonight**_

The lyrics got Lisa convinced that the song deserved a routine indeed. It described Billy so perfectly that it got her smiling as she reached the bar, and she was swaying her hips to the beat when she felt his presence by her side.

"Those pricks don't know how to approach you, do they?"

Lisa felt her heart flickering like a flame in the wind. He had been watching her the whole time and she didn't notice it.

"What makes you think that?", she asked, fighting her will to look at him.

"Come on, you scared the guy away in what, 10 seconds?"

She finally turned around and couldn't help but tease him.

"And what he should have done then, Mr. Know-It-All?"

That question made Billy think that he was right. She had fallen for him, and he knew exactly what she wanted.

_**It feels so wrong that it must, it must be right**_

_**And I'm so high, don't wanna come down, just let me fly**_

His eyes pierced right through her, as he began to talk his game.

"You don't wanna be touched", he said, his fingers slightly touching her arm, just to clutch at her wrist. "You wanna be grabbed."

Lisa looked at his hand gripping her wrist, and it started a reaction that she tried to fight right back, in vain. She tried to play cool, but Billy didn't buy it.

"That all?"

He came closer. So close she felt his every breathe, and it was like he reveled in his own words.

"No, no. You don't want him to say something like, 'you have nice eyes'."

By her ear, he whispered, his husky tone caressing her darkest senses.

"You want him to say that you look fucking hot tonight. You don't want it nice and slow, no. You want it rough, and you want it bad."

Suddenly, she wasn't thinking straight. She knew, though, that she needed to deny that feeling.

"You're wrong."

Billy fell back, took a sip of his beer. He couldn't understand why she denied it so badly.

"Am I? Well, you have too much make up on then. Your face is pretty much matching your hair."

"Fuck", she thought. Some signs cannot be controlled, no matter how hard you try. He was the perfect idea of a one-night stand, a great night of sex, and that would be it. Would it?

"I could start by buying you a drink, if you ever drank one. Such a shame."

"Believe me, you don't want to see me drunk."

"I doubt that", he replied, with the devil dancing in his smile.

"I don't need to be drunk to do what I want to do, if that's what you're thinking."

"Finally, a hint of honesty", he thought.

"Whoa. And what is it that you want to do?"

"Don't you know it all… Billy?"

The words were just slipping from her tongue. She really shouldn't tease him like that.

"You're playing with fire, girl."

He checked her out, from head to toe. Her eyes still had vestiges of a street life, which made her all the more tempting. Lisa started walking away.

"I'll get back to the girls."

"You're gonna leave me just like that?", he yelled.

"Just like that!" she yelled back.

"You must be out of your mind, walking out on Billy!" Alma said, smiling.

"I'm just warming him up." Lisa winked at her.

"You're pissing him off, that's what you're doing!"

Lisa didn't care. She was having a blast that night, and thought nothing could change that… until she caught a glimpse of the girl with the braids, Stacy, coming her way. Lisa pretended not to see her, but she had the nerve to keep walking until she slammed into Lisa, spilling beer all over her top.

"What the fuck?", were Lisa's first and loud words, her arms open, beer dripping on the floor. Quickly, a circle was formed around them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

Lisa knew that she was lying, and that she did it on purpose.

"Am I a fucking ghost or something?"

"You're awful white, that's for sure."

Lisa narrowed her eyes, as the girl walked up to her, and Lisa finally understood what it was all about.

"You keep your hands off Billy, you hear me, white bitch? You have no business in here."

"Oh!" Lisa exclaimed, and then laughed out loud, resting her hands on her hips. "What did you call me again?"

"You have a problem with that, white bitch?"

"This can't be good", Alma said, worried.

Billy was calmly smoking, his thoughts on Lisa, and whether he should look for her again or not. Joe snapped him out of his daze shouting "Girl fight!"

He made his way through the crowd, and was not amazed when he saw that it was Lisa. Stacy would never have a chance. He saw Lisa shaking her head, trying to keep her shit together, but from where he was standing, he could also see an animal trying to jump out from inside her and beat the hell out of Stacy.

Lisa shook her head, chuckled nervously, trying to control herself.

"You turn around and leave now. You have no idea who you're dealing with."

"Oh yeah? Why don't you show me then?" she asked cynically, turning around to the curious crowd.

Lisa never ran from a fight, and that wouldn't be the first time. She knew Stacy would sway from the first punch, and got her coming back, with the hardest hook punch she had ever given in her life. Stacy stumbled, and that gave enough time for the security guards come in and try to break them off. Billy just smiled, while Joe was watching everything mouth wide.

"Man, I love her. I swear to God I love her", he said, while Billy was already on his way out.

"Who's the bitch now? Huh? Who's the bitch, say it!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, while the guards yanked her off the floor and threw her outside. At least they gave her time to pick up her coat, because it was freezing outside.

"God damn it", she cussed, texting Alma to stay in the club and don't worry about her. Lisa didn't want her night to be ruined. Seconds later, the doors opened again and someone else was thrown outside. It was Stacy, and that brought a smile to Lisa's face.

"Want me to punch the other cheek to get them even?"

"Out here? You don't stand a chance, bitch."

Lisa stepped back and bent down, pulling her blade from inside her boot, and wiping it against her jeans.

"I told you that you had no idea who you were dealing with."

When Billy got out, there was Lisa, blade in hand, ready to fight. As much as he'd love to see her skills, the outcome wasn't worth it.

"Hey, Lisa! Enough."

The blade slid shut in her hand, and she put it back where it was. Stacy didn't want to waste time and ran towards Billy.

"Billy, this bitch is crazy, crazy! Thank God you arrived, I don't know what she would have done to me!" she squealed, wrapping her arms around Billy, who didn't move an inch.

"Oh, please", Lisa said, rolling her eyes and turning around.

A bunch of crazed girls stormed out of the club, talking all over each other, snapping Stacy away from Billy and Lisa. They knew better – the calmer Lisa got, the more harmful she was. At the corner of her eye, she saw Billy light up a smoke.

"What was that all about?"

Lisa burst out a laugh. She was smarter than Billy gave her credit for.

"Yeah, like you didn't know."

"She can get really protective sometimes."

"I never thought you needed protection."

"Not from you, I don't."

"Are you sure about that?" Lisa asked, when she knew that she was the one that needed to be protected from him and all the danger that he represented. There was no use denying the tension that was building up between them. She looked around, realizing she didn't know how to get back home.

"Wanna ride?", he asked, guessing her darkest thoughts, walking past her. Lisa lowered her head and followed him.

"I guess I'm ready to punch a few more faces."

Billy threw his cigarette butt in the slush, and they walked against the freezing wind, until Lisa was exactly where he wanted her to be: in between the cold steel of his car, and the heat that exhaled from his body. By the time his hand got a grip on her hips, Lisa got utterly blinded by lust. He moved closer to her, and she flinched, almost instinctively, making him reassure his desire by tightening his grip. And when their lips crashed, a hidden fuse was lit up inside her. His kiss was entrancing, Billy wanted to feel every inch of her body, Lisa could feel their temperatures rising, as he managed to open the passenger door, behind me. He fell back a bit, and by the look in his eyes, she realized it was an invitation.

"Oh, I don't think so."

Billy narrowed his eyes. He obviously didn't enjoy being thwarted. That little game of hers was pissing him off already.

"I knew it."

"What?"

"Just saying. You stir, and you stir, and you walk away", he said, stepping closer to her again, with that insane, unpredictable look in his eyes.

"You already left me alone once tonight."

Her entire body was calling out his name, and Lisa couldn't ignore that any longer.

"I never asked you to stop kissing me."

Without a word, he resumed their torrid kiss for a few moments. This time Lisa didn't think twice and surrendered completely when he started pushing her into his car. Hastily, she moved on to the backseat, struggling with the lack of space, her mind set only on that man breathing down her neck, loosening her buttons, weighing on top of her. The foggy windows of the Mustang were their only witnesses.


	6. 06 Something's Gotta Give

_**I won't ask for an open door, it's like looking back**_

_**I won't lie, I'm not capable of everything I said**_

_**I won't steal your time, I've stolen too much already**_

Lisa had been sitting under the shower for God knows how long, waiting, wishing that the overwhelming guilt she was feeling would be washed away. She felt like she had betrayed James, but what hurt the most was that she betrayed herself, and all the promises of a new life. Deep inside, she knew it. She knew that that kiss was the end of it. It wasn't the beginning of anything, it was just the end. The tears melted within the running water, and in between sobs, Lisa couldn't believe she let herself fall for Billy that fast, that intensely, and yet, he wouldn't leave her mind. Who was she fooling? Lisa knew who he was, what his deal was. She could still feel his skin scorching on hers, his rough moves, his scent.

"God, I need to get a grip", she said to herself, getting out of the shower and into her bedroom.

In her nightstand drawer, something she'd been saving for when times got rough – and eventually they would. Looking through the window, Lisa watched the purple stripes paint the sky as that cold day dawned. With the flame of her old Zippo, she lit up a cigarette and stood there, so that the silence could provide a little order to her scattered, scarred thoughts.

_**It's not what you thought when you first began it**_

_**You got what you want, now you can hardly stand it, though**_

_**By now you know, it's not going to stop**_

_**It's not going to stop, it's not going to stop till you wise up…**_

_**You're sure there's a cure, and you have finally found it**_

_**You think one drink will shrink you to your underground**_

_**And living down, but it's not going to stop**_

_**It's not going to stop, it's not going to stop till you wise up…**_

_**Prepare a list for what you need**_

_**Before you sign away the deed**_

_**'Cause it's not going to stop, it's not going to stop**_

_**It's not going to stop till you wise up… (Aimee Mann)**_

Lisa was used to being sleep deprived, but Kat wasn't used to seeing her like that. Trying to be polite, she asked Lisa if everything was ok.

"I just had a hard night, that's all."

"Well, you better be ready for the toughest day of work since you started here", she said, turning on her equipment. And she was right. What an endless, over the top busy day. It was like people wanted to buy their lives at the market the day before Thanksgiving, that damn beep didn't stop for a single minute.

Lisa got to finish her shift and went on to buy her own Thanksgiving stuff. She had never cooked a dinner like that in her whole life, but that year, she felt like doing it. To her, it was the perfect opportunity to celebrate with her family, even though it was just her and James, but who cared? They were enough for each other, and Lisa realized that more and more with each time she got to pick him up at day care, and he ran straight to her arms, just like he did that day. Seeing his mother with all those bags, he had to ask.

"What did you buy, mom?"

"Oh, it's nothing special. Just a few things for our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow."

"We're having a Thanksgiving dinner? Cool!"

"I know, right? Super cool!"

"Mrs. Calvin told us the story of the pilgrims."

"Really? Tell me then, 'cause I don't know."

That night, alone with her son, made Lisa consider how much time she wasted the night before. She could be with him, and instead, she was letting him down. Every time she thought about it, it made her feel dirty and disgusted, but deep inside, there was this secret part of her that enjoyed every second of that. And it made her despise herself even more. She ended up having James sleeping with her in her bed – that was the only way she could find some comfort from the remorse.

The next morning, Lisa woke up more excited than ever. Put some music going on in the kitchen, while James was caught in between helping her and watching TV, and when she opened the fridge to get the stuff to make the dessert, she realized she hadn't bought any eggs. She had bought every single thing, but the eggs. Damn it.

"That's what neighbors are for", she thought, already on her way out. "James?"

He never took his eyes off the TV. Ben 10 was on.

"James, I'm gonna run to Alma's to see if she has... nevermind. You just stay there, I'll be right back."

Alma's door was open, and Lisa could hear a discussion going on inside the house. She stood by the door for a few seconds, trying to decide whether to get in or not. When she overheard Alma crying and yelling "she could have died", Lisa had to get in.

"It's not like she's my fucking aunt, is it?", Bodie yelled, at the top of his lungs.

"Shut up, you're gonna wake up the whole building!"

"I don't care! I! Don't! Care!"

"Stop behaving like a 5 year old!", Alma yelled back, freezing on her feet when she spotted Lisa by the kitchen door. She and Bodie were standing up, on the verge of turning that brawl into a physical thing. Then Lisa realized she had to say something, and she didn't really know what.

"I'm sorry, I was just... the door was open, and..."

"You think you can come into people's houses like that?" Bodie turned to Lisa, drunk as a skunk, his eyes bloodshot.

"Well, the door was open. And I just wanted to ask if you could lend me an egg, then I'll go straight back to cooking my Thanksgiving dinner", she said, never taking her eyes off Alma. She was torn in pieces.

"Sure", Alma said, opening the fridge and handing Lisa an egg. She had the nerve to ask.

"Need any help there, Alma?"

She felt like Bodie could kill her right then and there if he wanted to.

"She don't need your fucking help! Now haul your ass and that egg back to your fucking place, and away from us!"

Lisa knew that by "us", he didn't mean him and Alma. He meant him and Billy.

"Don't worry, Bodie. I will stay away", she stated, turning around to leave. Jerk. Lisa figured that something happened with Mama Jo's sister and Bodie wasn't around to help them out. And she felt blessed for finding peace in her own house, and finally being thankful for the life I was trying to lead.

"Come in, dog" Bodie said, opening the door.

"Cured your hangover yet?" Billy asked on his way in.

"Tell me 'bout it. I feel like my brains are coming out through my ears, man."

"Wouldn't be a surprise", Billy trailed off. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing there, like he ever gave two shits about Thanksgiving. But he could use some good food for free. Surprisingly, it didn't seem like anyone was cooking anything.

"What's up with the dinner?"

"Alma's all upset about last night, so... it took her a while to start, and it will take even longer to get it done."

She came out of her bedroom.

"Hey Billy. Joe."

"So… you got a snack or something? Dude, I'm starving", Joe said, going to the kitchen. As Billy followed him, he smelled something real good, but it wasn't coming from there. Joe sniffed a bit.

"What's that smell?"

Alma just pointed upwards.

"Someone up there is cooking something real good."

Billy shook his head, they all remained silent. Joe felt something was going on.

"What?"

"It's Lisa."

"Lisa? I'm so going up there to get me some food."

As he turned around, Billy pressed his hand against Joe's chest, pushing him back to where he was.

"You ain't going nowhere."

"Come on, man!"

"We're staying."

"We? I said I am going", he said, moving Billy's hand away and heading for the door. Billy was unsure. It wasn't like things ended up very smoothly the other night. He would never know what hit her, but she didn't say a word on the way back to her place. Damn it, it was just a dinner. And it had been a long time since they had a decent meal. He followed Joe upstairs, but stood by the wall.

Lisa had just finished the mashed potatoes, and when the bell rang, she was kind of expecting it. It was probably Alma taking some time off to tell her what happened earlier that day. However, it wasn't her.

"Joe?" she asked, frowning. He didn't mind her frown, he just smiled when he realized Lisa was actually wearing an apron.

"Whoa, you're all like, really cooking."

"Well, maybe it's because I was cooking."

"I know, I mean, that's pretty much why I'm here anyway", he said, gesticulating. "Your dinner's smelling so good, and we're all starving down there. Alma's dinner isn't going to be ready in like, 8 hours, and to be honest, it doesn't look good. She's not in that mood today, you know."

Lisa grinned with all that babbling. She could be very wrong, but there was something so friendly about him, maybe it wouldn't be that bad to have him over for dinner.

"All right, you got me convinced. Come on in."

"Great", he said, excitedly, walking in. As soon as Lisa turned back to close the door, she watched, disgusted, as Billy came in from the hall and into her apartment, silently, like a wraith. Joe was feeling right at home, though, and started talking right away.

"This is a nice place... hey, it's James, right?" he asked, kneeling down to talk to her son. "Remember me?"

James didn't give a damn about Joe, he was too busy staring at Billy's scary figure.

"Oh, this guy? This is my brother, Billy."

From the kitchen, Lisa insisted that he greeted him.

"Say hi, honey, come on."

"Hi", he said, shrugging a bit. "I don't have a brother."

"He didn't say that", Lisa thought, feeling her chest tighten, while Joe kept on with the conversation.

"You don't? Why don't you ask your mother for one?"

"But I ask her, and she always says, 'not in a million years'."

She felt Joe's eyes resting on her, and she certainly did not like where that conversation was leading to.

"That's just mean. Well, just keep asking. Maybe someday she'll give in."

Lisa stood there, on the couch, her head in her hands, rubbing her temples, trying hard not to blame herself for what happened. She knew it wasn't her fault, but then again, she'd been blaming herself for a lot of things that were going on lately. "Why did I have to get so nervous?" That wasn't the right question. Why did she insist on being with someone like Matt? Why did she believe in his every promise? What would it take for her to see that she needed help, before anything even worse happened?

Lisa's belly was still a bit hurt, making her cringe and sigh as she stood up.

"You shouldn't be standing", Milly said, coming from James' room. Lisa didn't know what she would do without her. She was looking over James since the day before.

"I know", Lisa replied, sitting back down. "I didn't think it would hurt this much."

"You're unbelievable. Yesterday you almost bled to death, and now you're telling me you didn't think it would hurt this much."

Lisa looked at her, and that was when they got interrupted by a key going into the front door lock.

"Matt? What... Why? What are you doing here?"

He closed the door behind him, and Milly knew it was time to leave. She and Matt didn't belong in the same room, ever.

"All right, I'll take off. Let me know if you need anything."

"Yeah. Thanks, Milly."

"All right, will you tell me what the fuck is going on? Why was Milly doing here this late at night? And why are you sitting there looking at me like you were sick or something?"

She raised her eyes, though she really didn't want to look at him. Lisa looked at the table, and he went on to get the papers that were on it. He flipped through the exams and medical records once, twice, until he threw them all back on the table.

"What... the fuck... is this?"

Those paused words were never a good sign.

"It's exactly what it looks like."

He laughed. The son of a bitch was laughing at her disgrace.

"You're really useless, aren't you? Can't even hold a damn baby in."

Lisa's vision blurred, and next thing she knew, she was holding up a kitchen knife, like she had a chance against him. She should have known better by then. In a split second, he took the knife from her hands, and she started hitting him desperately, and in the middle of that brawl, the knife ran down her thigh, drawing a line of blood – like she hadn't lost enough blood the day before.

"You sick motherfucker! You bastard! How dare you? How dare you?" Lisa screamed, her voice already rasping. Immediately, James started crying, and Matt just looked at her, that cynical smirk he had on all the time, like he was the next best thing. Well, he had reasons to believe that – he had been mistreating Lisa for years and she stuck with him.

Lisa wasn't even feeling the cut on her leg, she ran towards James and picked him up, pressing him hard against her chest. He wasn't crying 'cause he was hungry, or sleepy, or bloated. He could feel the stress, and that wasn't going to go away any time soon.

"Good. Now that you have him, tell him you just killed his unborn brother."

The words got caught up in a huge lump in her throat, along with the thoughts that maybe some good could come out of all that. How could she raise another child like that? Lisa felt the tears rolling down her cheek, the blood pouring down her leg, soaking her foot.

"Get the fuck away from me."

"I'm not going anywhere. This is my house, in case you forgot. And that is my son you're holding."

"There's nothing yours here", she said, fearing the worst.

"We'll see. And I'm gonna go, but only 'cause I can't stand looking at your disgusting face any longer. You enjoy your time with my kid."

With the closing of the door, Lisa should feel better, but she didn't. She couldn't stand the possibility of him taking away her son, if that's what he meant. James was all she got. Losing one child was enough.

Lisa was just wiping away a stupid tear when Billy showed up at the kitchen door.

"What's up?"

She knew it was lip service, so she didn't even bother answering. Billy wouldn't insist. He just leaned on the doorway and lit up a cigarette, those eyes that seemed to harbor all the lies and deceits. In the background, the cartoon that James and Joe were watching.

"No smoking in here", she stated, rather firmly.

"You're kidding right?"

"Go to my bedroom, you can smoke by the window. Dinner will be ready soon."

Rules. Billy had never adjusted to them very well. In her bedroom, the tidiness and cleanliness caught his attention. Her bed seemed so comfy. He searched his pockets for a lighter, couldn't find one. That was when he turned around and saw a pack of smokes and a silver lighter on her nightstand… for some reason, it made him grin. She had told him at Four Roses that she didn't smoke. Billy could bet that she was lying about everything else.

Lisa couldn't wait for him to leave, his presence rattled all the cages that she'd been trying so hard to keep shut. To prove himself even more, minutes later he came back to the kitchen and placed her pack of smokes and her lighter on the sink, right next to her.

"Someone's been giving in to temptation."

"Yeah, and someone's sorry about it."

"About the smoking or..."

He never knew when to stop. Lisa dropped everything she was doing to face him, look him right in the eyes, the knife already running between her impatient fingers.

"You listen to me. You came here to eat dinner, didn't you? So shut the fuck up, eat the fucking dinner and get fucking lost. Take that pack and the lighter with you, if you want. I'm done with temptation."

She took off her apron, tossed it somewhere she didn't mind, took the turkey out of the oven and onto the table, as if Billy wasn't even there.

"Dinner's ready."

"Yay!" James exclaimed, running to his place at the table.

"Look at that bird... that's enough to feed both of you for a month!"

"I know, Joe... I got a lot of leftover ideas already", she said, cracking up, finally relaxing a bit. Billy, on the other hand, couldn't relax.

"Which leads us to... James needs a brother to help you guys eat all of this."

Lisa started to serve James' plate.

"Not in a million years."

James looked at Joe, as if saying, "I told you!"

"Oh, come on, Lisa! This guy needs a little brother, you know, to beat and be beaten", Joe said, already with his mouth full, looking at Billy, who was staring intently at his plate, swallowing his food as fast as he could. That situation was getting him restless.

"I wouldn't know, I never had a sibling. And... I was going to say that I turned out all right, but I really didn't, did I?" she said, chuckling. "Neither did any of you two, so... what does it mean?"

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just saying, you know? It's good to have someone around, as bad and annoying as it may be sometimes."

"I can imagine, Joe. But sorry, it's off the table."

"Well, James... I'm trying, buddy, but your mother is one tough lady."

Lisa couldn't help but smile at his "tough lady" comment, while she noticed Billy's eyes running up and down her legs. It was freezing outside, but being close to that oven all day long, she was just wearing shorts. Some minutes later, he had to ask. He just had to hit the sore spot again.

"That's a nasty scar you got there on your thigh."

She looked at him, but he wouldn't return the stare. In the void of silence, all she heard was the tinkling of the forks hitting the plates. Billy realized that the scar must have had a story she didn't want to remember, and he could relate to that. He was right, but Lisa also wanted to answer and get it over with.

"It's always harder to stitch yourself up. Way easier to do it with others."

Joe almost choked on his food, leaning to his side to see the scar.

"You what? You sew that? That big? How could you?"

A moment of silence followed. Another one, filled with confused memories, and even more confused ideas of a still uncertain future. It was too much. Billy snapped.

"You know what? We're finished, right, Joe? We're gonna take off."

Joe widened his eyes, looked at his plate, then back at Billy.

"What are you talking about? I ain't done!"

"Fine. I'm out of here", he said, standing up and walking out.

"No one's holding you", Lisa replied, trying not to look too disappointed. But she did follow him to the door.

"Sorry for ruining your dinner", the cigarette already at the corner of his lips.

Lisa closed the door behind her, and started shooting the words at point-blank, no mercy.

"You're not sorry. You don't even know what the word means. Now, I am sorry for you, I really am. You could have enjoyed this, as much as Joe did. We could have stuffed ourselves, watched a game, have an argument about something silly, that's what Thanksgiving is about, isn't it? That wouldn't make you less of a man. Now, go on and leave, go. I was a leaver once too, I understand you. I just hope you'll realize in time that no matter how far you go, you can't run from yourself."

He had that insane look in his eyes, and wanted so badly to tell her that she could go fuck herself, that she didn't know shit about him, but apparently she did. And Billy couldn't allow her to know more than she already did. Without saying a word, he turned around and left, while Lisa went back inside.

Billy started walking down the hall and sat on the steps, missing a life he never had, trying to wrap his thoughts around what just happened. When he stepped into her place, why did it feel like the safest place on Earth? Why did she have to be so damn different from every single woman he had ever met? He finish his smoke, and getting to no conclusion, Billy went straight back to Bodie's to wait for Joe.

"That was a fast dinner", Alma pointed out as he came in. He never answered. He just fell on the couch, and Bodie knew Billy well enough to know he didn't want to talk. He just wanted… he didn't know what he wanted. And that was the problem.

Lisa, James and Joe went on with their dinner, exchanged a few phrases, enough time for Joe to finish his plate.

"This was real good, Lisa, but... I better go check on the big guy."

"I know. Thanks for coming, Joe."

"See ya", he said, messing with James' hair.

"Mom?", he asked, right after Joe left.

"Yeah, honey."

"I didn't understand what you said about Stitch."

Lisa laughed.

"No, dear, it's not the cartoon. You know when you get hurt? Like, when you get cut by something? The wound can't stay open. Then, you have to give some stitches, like a cloth, with a special needle and a special line, so that the wound can heal."

"That hurts."

"A little... but you know, mom's a tough lady."

He giggled, and kept on munching on his food. Lisa rested her head in her hand... she could stare at James forever.

"What took you so damn long?" Billy asked, when Joe showed up.

"What do you mean, what took me this long? It's a fucking Thanksgiving dinner, bro. It should last hours, but thanks to you, I couldn't even eat what I wanted!"

"Stop whining like a bitch. It's just a stupid dinner", he said, trying to convince himself of that. By then, Alma was already by the kitchen door.

"To you, maybe! Didn't you see the effort Lisa was putting in there? I mean, the food was awesome! And she wasn't even expecting us, which means that it was all for her and the kid. But then Billy Darley has to fuck it all up, right?"

"You know nothing."

Bodie finally felt like he could open his mouth.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"I bet Bodie will agree with me. He's acting all weird these days, isn't he?"

Billy turned to look at Bodie, who shrugged.

"Yeah, dog. You're all quieter than usual and shit."

"There you go. You're different, and it's not because of her, it goes way before Lisa even arrived. You know what? I think you're just tired. I know I would be tired if I was in your place."

"In my place? How fucking dare you? You couldn't walk a fucking mile in my shoes, neither of you!"

"Shit, man", Joe said, shaking his head. "You're becoming more and more like Bones. I'll end up hating you if you keep that fucking attitude going on."

Like Bones. Billy tried so hard not to be him, how did he end up being like the man that he despised the most? Bodie and Alma just watched, attentively, as the little Joe kept on shoving some truths down his big brother's throat.

"Look, all I wanna say is, that girl up there is different, and you're afraid you might like it. It's right before your eyes and you're too fucking blind to see it. I mean, didn't you see the way she looks at you? She can't hide it. Do you wanna go back? Back to, like, Stacy or any of those bitches?"

"I ain't going back."

Joe sighed, as Alma interfered with a comment that resounded deep in Billy's mind.

"Then go forward."

Billy shook his head, and turned around to leave. The ultimate fact was that Billy had seen the sickest, craziest looks in the eyes of his enemies, but what he saw in Lisa's eyes was far more terrifying. It was change.


	7. 07 Before Sunrise

_**I run from waiting for you, from never forgetting you**_

_**The stars meet me before night falls**_

_**I look at the city around me, I never go back**_

_**No more hiding the hurry, I've already hidden too much**_

Working on a Black Friday wasn't Lisa's idea for a holiday, but oh well. Being a newbie, she couldn't even complain, and thank God for the day care center being open. Close to lunch break, Lisa spotted Greg coming their way, with those hurried steps. Something was up.

"Lisa? Kathryn?"

"Hey Greg."

"Listen, uh… Can you work until 10pm today, both of you? Meredith just called in sick, and we really need someone to cover for her, plus an extra one. We're way too busy today." Greg had a way with people, that was for sure. Kat frowned a bit, but agreed. And of course, Lisa couldn't say no.

"Thanks, girls. You're both awesome!", he said, pointing at them on his way out.

"Bodie! Come on, dog!", Billy yelled from the living room. "Fuck, what the hell is taking him so long"?, he asked Alma, while walking around. She just shrugged, as Mama Jo's voice came from the kitchen.

"Can't help yelling, can you, Billy? Good Lord almighty."

He just shook his head, impatiently. Billy couldn't waste time. In his case, time was real money.

"Fuck, man! It's not like we have an appointment or anything!", Bodie said, coming out of the bathroom.

"We have work to do, in case you forgot", Billy stated, over the loud phone ringing. They were just heading for the door, when the words "Hi, Lisa!" made Billy stop his stride. He fell back to listen in, deliberately.

"Alma! Hi, it's Lisa. Listen, Greg just asked us to work 'til 10, and I could really use the money, plus I didn't really know how to say 'no' to him, so… could you please, pretty please, pick up James for me?"

"Sure! I'll pick him up, he'll have dinner and all, don't you worry about it."

"Thank you so much, dear. I'm gonna call the day care to let them know you're coming."

Alma hung up and Bodie immediately asked.

"Who was it?"

"Mind your business, Bodie. Billy, would you please get him out of here?", she asked, on her way to the kitchen. Billy watched – and listened – attentively.

"Mom? Can you fix us some dinner tonight? Lisa asked me to pick James up for her, she will have to work until 10 tonight."

"Of course!"

That was all Billy needed to hear. But until 10pm, they had a lot to do.

"We gotta get rid of all that dope we have lying around", he told Bodie as they got into Billy's car.

"We'll think of something, man. We're gonna sell all that shit this week, I know it."

"How the fuck would you know, Bodie? Huh? How the fuck would you know that?", Billy asked, one angry word at a time.

Bodie didn't answer. Billy lit up a smoke, for the first time in his life he was worried about his future. He even suspected that one of the guys was light-bagging him, but he had no proof, and by then, he had no energy to look into it. He figured he'd have to sell one of Bones' cars that were lying around the old body shop. As much as he hated to admit it, Billy had been postponing that idea for a long while. Those cars were part of the few good memories he had.

To Billy's amazement, the evening turned out to be very profitable. Junkies were all looking for kicks for their weekend, and soon he had sold all the dope that was with him. That ought to mean that he was up for a good night. When that last client drove off, Billy grabbed his cell phone to check the time, it was already half past nine. More than quickly, he jumped on the Mustang, went home, took a quick shower and sped off to the market.

Lisa had noticed that Kat had been fidgeting all day long, as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't , or wouldn't. When 10 o'clock finally hit and they were on their way out, she couldn't hold her curiosity any longer.

"All right, I can't help it, I need to ask you this. I heard you knocked down a girl at The Pulse last Tuesday. Is that true?"

Lisa grinned. Hell, she was proud of that.

"Yeah, it's true. She 'accidentally' spilled her beer on me, so I 'accidentally' punched her across the face. It was fun, actually."

Kat burst a laugh.

"I can't even imagine that scene. Why would she start a fight like that, anyway?"

"Well, remember that guy… the one from that gang? The bald one?"

"That scary guy that you thought was hot? Yeah, I remember."

"He kinda came on to me, and she didn't like it. Told me to stay away from him and shit."

"I guess she deserved to be punched then. But did you… did you stay away from him?"

"Nope… Actually I stayed… pretty close to him", she said, with a smile on her face, wondering why she was smiling, when she should be ashamed.

"Oh, you didn't! God! I mean, I'm not trying to be nosy or anything, but… you know what, to hell with it, I'm curious. How is it like, with a guy like him?"

Lisa crossed her arms, trying to protect herself from the freezing wind, as they stepped out of the market, and couldn't believe her eyes as she spotted that bad-ass black Mustang parked a few yards away from where they were. Of course, Billy was leaning on the driver's door.

"It's, uh… interesting." Lisa said, walking towards him without thinking twice, while Kathryn's jaw dropped to the ground. And before Lisa even opened her mouth, Billy already knew what she was going to ask.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, half pleased, half worried.

"I was at Bodie's when you called Alma."

"Right", she replied, looking around.

"What?"

"Just making sure there's no one around to punch."

Billy grinned that killer devilish grin. He loved her attitude.

"I guess not. You hungry? You should be, working this late."

"I am but… I should probably go home, you know."

"Oh come on, Alma's got your kid. Seize the opportunity."

Lisa didn't want to seize anything. Her mind was set on going home, back to James. But one look from Billy made it so easy to change any plans that she might have.

"All right. But listen, I can't…"

"I know, ok? Just get in the fucking car."

"Jerk" Lisa mumbled, getting in. Billy grabbed his pack of smokes and handed it to Lisa, mindlessly. He just couldn't stop tempting her. She shot him the harshest look, enough to make him get one for himself and put the pack back in his pocket.

"Just trying to be nice", he said, keeping his eyes on the road. Lisa chuckled.

"Trying to be nice? Who are you trying to fool?"

"Not you, I guess."

"Where are we going?"

Billy took a deep puff of that cigarette, and looked briefly at Lisa. He didn't want to tell her where they were going. Not that he was taking her to a fancy place or anything, he just felt like surprising her with something, with anything… and he knew he wasn't good at that.

His constant lack of answers made her really uncomfortable. Unpredictability was written all over him, and she didn't like that at all. A few minutes later, he pulled over in front of the same diner that she had met Joe the other day. Without a word, they got inside and sat at a table in the corner. Her freckles were almost imperceptible at night, which made her look more like her actual age. And she was beautiful. So much that Billy didn't really know what to think, or to say. He just wanted to keep looking at her.

Lisa flipped over the menu, but she wasn't really reading it. She was just trying hard not to look at him, 'cause she knew his eyes were on her. The waitress came in, and interrupted everything that wasn't happening.

"Hey Billy! Haven't seen you in a while."

He didn't even look up, as he replied with "Vicky." Lisa did take a good look at that blonde girl, feeling her blood boiling already.

"You gonna want that special menu tonight?", she asked, running her fake nails through her fake blonde hair. Yes, she was totally ignoring Lisa, who was now blushing heavily.

"Just that prime burgers and fries."

"And Coke, right? No ice."

"That's right."

Finally, she turned to Lisa, with a cynical "You?"

"Spicy chicken salad", Lisa replied, trying to hold herself down, as Vicky snapped the menu from her hands. "Unbelievable", she thought. Lisa glued her eyes to Billy's car, which was parked outside. What was she doing there? Before she knew it, she had already said it.

"Vicky's special menu sounds real good."

The sarcastic smile that Lisa was expecting never showed. Billy was dead serious, looking at her intently. Little did she know that he had been thinking about what to tell her for the past 10 minutes.

"Could you at least tell me what I'm doing here?"

"Why? Is it so strange?"

"It's not strange, Billy, it's just… all right. What do you want from me? Can you answer that much?"

Billy lit up yet another cigarette. In his mind, he was looking for that answer, but couldn't really find it. Lisa felt like he wanted to say or to do something that he himself didn't know what it was.

"There's something. Something about you."

"Something? Oh, that explains everything."

"You know, Joe really likes you."

The words were just falling from his mouth, for no reason whatsoever, bringing that conversation to a path that was making him nervous. All he wanted was to sit down with her for a moment, just that. Why was it so damn hard?

"So you invited me for dinner because your little brother likes me?"

"Fuck me. What do you want me to say? It's just a fucking dinner."

Lisa shook her head. He couldn't see that it wasn't just another fucking dinner.

"You don't get it, do you? The thing is, you keep giving me the wrong reasons to be around you. Bars, bets, fights. And right now, I'm kinda needing the right reasons."

What Lisa wasn't aware of was that she didn't need any more reasons. Sometimes, all the reasons in the world are not enough; but there are times, like that moment, when one single reason would do. But Billy didn't know his own reasons, and he didn't think he could ever answer to that… and Lisa knew it somehow. He fell back, sighing heavily. Relationship discussions weren't his thing. Relationships weren't his thing. Lisa stood up, and put her coat back on.

"What the fuck are you doing? Lisa?"

"I want you to feel free to ask for your special menu. I'm sure Vicky doesn't ask you for any reasons at all."

"Lisa! Where are you going? Fuck", he cussed, standing up.

She was already on her way out, but had to turn around and take a good look at him. There she was, walking out on him once again.

"Look at you. 6'2, 200 pounds, bald head, tattoos up to your neck, that ridiculous goatee. All of that just screams out loud, 'Please look at me! I don't know if I'd be noticed if I didn't look like this!' You know what? There's no room for me in your one man show. Enjoy your – and my – dinner."

Of course, every head turned to look at her, and then back at Billy. He didn't even stop to recognize the truth in her words.

"What the fuck are you looking at?", Lisa heard him yell from the outside. He put his hand on his waist, nodding, making a fool out of himself.

It was going to be a long walk home, with plenty of time to think about why she got into that car in the first place. The sight of him waiting for her that night wouldn't leave her mind, as hard as she tried to shake it off. Yes, he was a pretentious son of a bitch, but whenever she looked deep into his eyes, she saw someone else. Or was it just wishful thinking?

Back in the diner, Billy stayed, and ordered a beer. After a few beers, he was ready to order a special menu from Vicky.

"Good morning", Vicky said, making her fingers walk on Billy's back. He buried his head in the pillow, as she kept on. "Wake up, sleepy! Aren't we gonna have breakfast or something? I'm starving."

He remained quiet, Vicky was used to that. From the corner of his eye, Billy saw as she went to the bathroom, and he rolled over on the bed, his head exploding. More than quickly, he got up, put on the same clothes from the night before, and headed for the door. He just couldn't stand another minute in there.

It was more than expected that, by the time Lisa stepped into the market on Saturday, Kathryn ran towards her.

"Oh my God, oh my God! I cannot believe he came to pick you up! That was so… oddly sweet."

Lisa rolled her eyes. Kat didn't know half of it.

"Believe me, he won't be picking me up any time soon."

"Don't you tell me you gave up on very your own private gang leader."

"I'm not really sure on who is giving up whom. But yeah, that's pretty much it. Now let's get to work… I just need to shake him off somehow" Lisa said, walking up to her register.

The day just dragged on by, with only a few customers and those isles filled with boredom, in all sizes and shapes. And like a cloud of mist, Billy was there, covering up everything with his absence. Lisa was simply not able to let him go.

Still, it was Saturday, and she needed some time with her son. After picking him up at the day care, they went straight to the mall, enough staying home, for both of them. They had to go out, see different things, meet different people, get back in touch with normal life. Her joy was to see James having loads of fun in that huge indoor amusement park, his eyes sparkling, not knowing which game he would play next… and how badly Lisa wished she was 3 years old again to join him in that ball pit. He came out of it exhausted, completely disheveled.

"Boy, did you have fun in there", she said, helping him put his sneakers back on. The poor kid was even panting a bit.

"Did you see, mom? Did you see that I went there, and, and I went there…"

"I saw everything, honey! You dove right into all those balls! Now… what about some ice cream?"

Lisa couldn't remember the last time they went out and had that much fun. Actually, she didn't think they ever did that. Everything was so new, and exciting, and exactly how it was supposed to be.

When Billy came back to his place, in the evening, there were no signs of Vicky. And a police chase was all he needed to end that awful day. On his way on the run, Billy leaped over a wall, and didn't even see the barbed wire. Needless to say, his hand got cut pretty badly, and as he hit the ground, he could already feel the blood pouring. Billy knew that he'd be arrested the minute he set foot in the hospital. He looked at the cut, and immediately remembered the scar on Lisa's leg. It was the perfect excuse to be with her again.

Back home, Lisa almost didn't have time to bathe James before he fell asleep, and Lisa herself also didn't take long to hit her mattress. She was exhausted, but utterly satisfied. In the deepest part of her slumber, Lisa was awaken by a sound, she couldn't quite know what it was. She lifted her head from the pillow, but the noise stopped, so she went back to sleep. Then, she finally came to her senses, and realized someone was knocking on the door. She jumped right up, as if she was ripped from her bed, sighed, and mumbled a few words on her way to the door. It was Billy, once again. She had the most confused look on her face.

"I'm sorry… did I open the door to yesterday or something?"

Billy just looked at her, then looked down. Lisa followed his stare in time to see the blood dripping from his right hand.

"Thought you could help me with that."

"Do I look like Doctors Without Borders? Go find yourself a hospital."

"I can't go to the hospital, not tonight. Why are you acting like you don't give a shit?"

"Uh… 'cause I don't."

"Liar."

Lisa swallowed the first answer that came to her head, she knew he was right… she cared about him. That was why he was there, in the first place.

"What do you want?"

"This shit won't stop bleeding, it's pissing me off. It's like I've fucking committed suicide."

"God", she whispered, pulling him in. "You wait here, hold that hand up and try not to bleed on my floor."

Lisa went to the bathroom, washed her sleepy face, took a good look at her reflection in the mirror. "Just give him a few stitches and go back to bed", she kept repeating to herself like it would help her believe it. In the living room, Billy took off his coat and sat on the couch. The silence, the darkness, the comfort. Once again, he was in safety, and it felt good. She came back, turned the lights on, squinted a bit.

"Barbed wire? Rookie mistake", she said, sitting down and checking the wound.

"I was in a rush."

Lisa rolled her eyes and pressed a piece of gauze against the wound, prompting him to yell right away.

"Ouch! Motherfucker! I need that hand, you know!"

"William Darley! There's a kid sleeping in there!", she hissed, trying to keep her voice down.

He widened those greenish eyes of his, incredulous. It had been years since someone called him by his name. Even the pain from the cut was suddenly gone.

"What? Ain't that your name?", Lisa asked, going back to her normal tone.

"Yeah, I just… it's just weird."

"Such a nice name… I know, Billy is like a 'Billy the Kid' thing. We all have nicknames, that's how it goes, I guess." she said, never taking her eyes off his injury.

"What was yours?"

"I so don't wanna talk about that."

A heavy pause followed, until Lisa started working on his cut, and felt like sharing that bit of information.

"Rusty."

"What?"

"Rusty. That was my nickname."

He obviously laughed.

"What kind of a nickname is that?"

"Not that hard to guess. The freckles, the hair… it used to piss me off as a child, but then it kind of toughened up as I did", she said, cautiously stitching his skin, not really knowing why she was being so careful with such a rough man. The softness of her touch balanced the sharpness of the needle. That was when Billy realized that Lisa knew what she was doing.

"Where did you… how did you learn how to do this?"

"You're pretty talkative for a thug."

"You're pretty rude for a woman."

"Oh, shut up. It's 2 in the morning, I'm taking care of you against my will, and you have the guts to tell me I'm rude. Fuck you."

Billy looked around, uneasy. He kept messing things up, and he was starting to get upset about that.

"Is this gonna take long? I feel like taking off."

"I'd be more than happy to leave it like this."

Once again, he sighed. Damn it, the woman has high maintenance. To Lisa, he was there simply because he didn't have a choice, and therefore, she also didn't have a choice. She thought she might as well keep talking – at least, it would make the situation a little less awkward. Still, there was no other place Billy would rather be.

"When I was in juvie, I used to spend a whole lot of time in the ward, around the nurses. I saw pretty much everything in there. After a while, they realized I wasn't just fooling around, and they let me help them in the simple procedures, such as stitches and stuff. It really helped me stay away from all the madness going on. Ever been locked up?"

"Nope. Just a couple of overnighters."

"You're lucky."

"I'm smart", he replied, trying to sound confident.

"You can be smart. But you've been in this for too long, so you were probably lucky at some point. Being smart isn't enough to save us some times."

He put his left hand in his pocket, trying to get his pack of smokes. Lisa let him struggle for a few seconds before offering help.

"Want me to get that for you?"

"I'm all right", he said, pulling out the pack. "Want one?"

"Don't you ever learn? I told you I don't smoke."

"All right. I don't want you to lose your willpower", he mumbled, the cigarette dangling from his smooth lips.

"That's ok. I'm not very good at controlling it anyway."

"I could see that much when I found that secret pack of yours the other day."

Lisa was working quickly, and was just a couple of stitches away from finishing, but if she spent one more second with him, she would either slap him or… something else. He was adding fuel to a fire that she fought so hard to extinguish. They just stirred each other, all the time.

"You know what? We're done here."

She cut the line, cleaned his hand, stuffed the things back into the box and stood up, almost at once. Billy just stood there, on the couch, looked at the wound, then back at Lisa.

"But you didn't…"

"That's all you're gonna get. Now won't you please, please go."

"I still have to repay you for your services as a nurse."

The words feel from his mouth so mischievously, Lisa felt herself surrendering, bit by bit. He stood up and approached her, making her flinch a little and take a step back. If he ever touched her, that would be it.

'I don't want anything from you."

"Liar", he whispered, making his voice echo inside Lisa's head. "That's what you are, you're a liar, and a dealer… maybe even a killer, who knows?"

She had no answers to that. Her thoughts were completely void with the feeling of his hand over the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. The tone of his voice remained slow when he said what she wanted to hear.

"I saw you eyeing my gun… and the way you held up that knife… we both know what you really want."

_**You're no good, heartbreaker, you're a liar and you're a cheat**_

_**I don't know why I let you do these things to me**_

_**My friends keep telling me you're no good**_

_**But they don't know that I'd leave you if I could…**_

_**I guess I'm uptight, but I'm stuck like glue**_

_**Cause I never, I never, I never, no no**_

_**Loved a man the way that I, I love you…**_

_**Some time ago I thought you should run out of fools**_

_**But I was so wrong, you've got one you'll never lose**_

_**The way you treat me is a shame, how could you hurt me so bad?**_

_**Baby you know that I'm the best thing that you ever had…**_

_**Kiss me once again, don't you never say that we're through**_

_**Cause I never, I never, I never, no no**_

_**Loved a man the way that I love you…**_

_**I can't sleep at night, and I can't eat a bite**_

_**I guess I'll never be free since I've got your hooks in me**_

_**I never loved a man the way that I love you… (Roxette)**_

All that was left for them was a passionate kiss, so avid that made them run out of breath, just to break it off and start all over again, her lips crashing, Billy wanted to sip every ounce of her. Lisa gave in, her hands already running over his back, going completely out of control. She thought that maybe the cut in his hand would stop him, but she was being so naïve. The cut hurt badly, but as soon as his blood boiled, Billy didn't even think of it. He grabbed her butt and lifted her up, placing Lisa in the back of the couch, his hips fitting perfectly in between her legs. He was the most damned, profane and coward craving she'd ever have.

But standing up wasn't enough for them. Once again, he lifted her up and carried Lisa to her bedroom, where they both fell on the bed. After a brief moment, he broke their kiss, to get on his knees and take off his shirt. As Lisa sat right up, the faint lights allowed her to see the outlines of his bulked up torso, but she didn't have enough time to look. In a second, her top was off, and as Billy got closer to her, he caught a glimpse of a shade on her back – he never got to see it when they were in the backseat of his car.

"Whoa. Let me see that."

He made Lisa turn over and lay on her stomach, and curiously, he spent a few moments staring at her tattoo, a mighty phoenix that took around 3/4 of her back, even if he couldn't see that much. Billy couldn't help but think that the tattoo was just perfect for her, the bird that rose from the ashes. The second he started trailing the outline of the phoenix with his fingers, Lisa couldn't help but close her eyes and sigh, as he saw each hair in her body rise up with his touch. That sight was enough for him to turn Lisa on her back again, making her heart jump and start racing, and she couldn't fight it even if she wanted to. His grasp pinned her hands above her head, while he devoured her neck, her mouth, making her twirl around. Caught in that madness, Lisa found her way to undo his belt, zipper, whatever else that was separating them, as Billy got rid of his jeans. She kept pulling him closer, craving his body. Billy ran his fingers through her hair, with that grin that killed her.

"Someone's in a hurry."

Lisa didn't grin back. She was serious, and Billy was about to find that out.

"I want you", was all she managed to say, catching her breath. It sounded so good.

"Say that again."

Lisa yearned for him, rendering her blind, reckless, careless, and his bossy tone was just making it more intense. She clawed her nails on his back, which only turned him on even more.

"I want you… right now."

Billy could never ignore that plea, and before Lisa knew it, he was sliding inside her. He wasn't exactly gentle, but then again, she didn't really want him to be. Her bed gave Billy all the space that he needed to enjoy her… and he certainly did. His moves were so damn good that Lisa found herself muffling her mouth, so that James wouldn't wake up.

When Lisa finally fell asleep, that was when Billy should be willing to leave. He surely wasn't willing to do that.


	8. 08 Drag Me To Hell

_**And it feels like I know exactly why I lied**_

_**I know where I came from and where I'm going to**_

_**But with you I don't know where I am.**_

"Mommy?"

James' voice never failed to wake Lisa up. She opened her eyes, turning to see him standing by the bed.

"You're already up, sweetie? It's Sunday, you can sleep a little more" she said, fluffing his hair.

"Why he's here?"

Good thing that he didn't know how to talk properly yet, because what he really wanted to know was what that scary man was doing at their home again, and why the hell was he sleeping in his mother's bed.

"All right," Lisa said, sitting up on the bed. "go on and turn the TV, I'll be right there and we'll talk ok?"

James left and Lisa stared at Billy for a while... if she didn't know him, she could swear that he wasn't that bad at all. Something boyish about showed through his looks, as if deep inside, he never wanted to be the man that he ultimately had to become. He just happened to be pretty good at it. Standing up, she felt her hips hurting, and put her hand over her mouth, thinking "I think I might have dislocated my jaw or something". There was also a small pool of blood near Billy. She'd definitely remember that night for a long time.

Still yawning, Lisa went on to brush her teeth, and sat beside James, on the couch. His sad puppy eyes were back, and it broke her heart.

"James, look at me, honey. You remember him, from Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah. He and his brother."

"That's right. He hurt himself last night, it was pretty bad, and came over here because he knew that mom could take care of him, just like I take care of you when you get hurt. It was really late, so he stayed and slept here. That's all. Ok?"

"I guess."

"Come here."

Lisa embraced him, and then laid him down on her lap. A shy smile lit up his face.

"Now let's get ourselves a nice breakfast, shall we? How about a pile of pancakes?"

Billy woke up and spent a few seconds trying to pinpoint his location. The lavender-scented pillowcase gave him a hint, and when he rolled over and spotted a portrait of Lisa and James, it sank in: he had slept with her. He couldn't even remember the last time he actually spent the whole night with a woman, and truth be told, he hadn't slept that tight in a while. Mindlessly, Billy headed to the bathroom, like he was in his own place. Nothing seemed strange or unfamiliar. When the running water hit his hand, it reminded Billy of how much he had used that hand the night before. It stung really bad, but he couldn't care less. Meanwhile, a sudden idea crossed his mind.

James and Lisa were cracking up at each other, about Lisa having burnt a pancake, when Billy showed up at the kitchen door. The sight of them laughing was almost surreal to Billy. In his head, Lisa was a rebel, a junkie, and that was good to him; but from time to time he was forced to face the fact that she was much more than that… which was even better. Lisa turned to him, with that Sunday morning face that showed zero worries, and asked.

"Morning. How's that hand?"

"Damaged. But I'll live."

Lisa took his hand to check it out, always so careful. The man was fresh from the shower, and he didn't seem that menacing at all in the morning. James was still staring at him with a puzzled face.

"It's not that bad, we can take the stitches off in a week or so."

She could feel his eyes on her all the time, and let go of his hand as soon as she realized that she was stroking it.

"Breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry in the morning. At least, not for food anyway."

Lisa gave him a hard look, which surprisingly make his everlasting smirk go away, and turned to James.

"Hun, you want to sit?"

"I wanna take you to a place tonight", he said, out of the blue, lazily lighting up a smoke.

"Not interested", she replied bluntly, while setting the breakfast table.

With all his audacity, Billy passed by her and whispered, "Liar!" And he was right once again. Yes, she was interested. Yes, she'd go to wherever he wanted to go. But that was Rusty talking. Lisa picked up the coffee pot.

"I just don't think it's a good idea."

Billy's eyes settled on James, who was quietly sitting at the table, observing it all, as always. Once again, Billy felt he was out of place.

"I, uh… I'm gonna take off. Don't wanna ruin yet another meal."

"Yeah, you better…"

A knock on the door interrupted me. It was Alma, as energized as she could be.

"Morning! Mama Jo just baked a whole lot of buns, and she asked me to bring you some… Billy?"

Alma could see him from where she was, and gave Lisa the most judgmental look ever. Lisa looked at him, then back at Alma.

"Look, do you think you could look after James for a few hours this evening?"

"Sure. Where are you going?"

Alma's tone had gone from cheerful to dead serious, never taking her eyes off of Billy. He stared back.

"Out."

"I see. Well, just let me know then."

"All right. Say thanks to Mama Jo, it was very thoughtful of her", Lisa said, taking the batch of buns from Alma's hands.

"Yeah, no problem. See you later."

Lisa closed the door, sighing.

"I take it as you're going."

She passed by him on the way to the kitchen, thinking that maybe that night would be a chance for them to do something different.

"All right."

Billy headed for the door.

"Pick you up at seven."

Impulsively, Lisa followed him outside, closing the door behind her. He turned around to face her, the look in his eyes like he was sailing off to a World War. And as his woman, part of Lisa wanted to plead him to stay, but she knew she didn't have that right. Billy wasn't a man to be held down.

On his way down to Bodie's, Billy just couldn't erase the look on Lisa's face from his thoughts. Walking out of her apartment was like walking out of heaven and into hell. "What the hell is wrong with me?", he wondered, without an answer. He belonged to the streets, not in some cozy apartment. He crossed paths with Alma, and knew that she was ready to give Lisa the lecture of her lifetime.

"Hey, Bodie, how did it go yesterday?"

"Fuck, I never had to run that fast in my whole life, dog. Fucking cops came out of nowhere! I thought one of us would get caught, I did, man. What's with your hand?"

"Got caught on barbed wire."

"God damn it. Shit's getting harder and harder."

"Yeah. Listen, I want you to tell the guys that we're keeping it low today. Only show up at the office at night."

"All right, dog. See you later."

A second after he left, Alma ran up, and that time, she didn't even knock. Lisa knew that it wasn't a conversation to have in front of James. She poured more syrup on his pancake, a bit more milk in his mug, and headed for her bedroom with Alma.

"What the hell were you thinking?", she snapped, trying to keep her voice down. Lisa took a deep breath, as she had no answer for that.

"You think you can just shove that man into your house like that? You think it's safe for you to do that, really? Do you know that he was being chased and ended up here? What if the people who were chasing him, who were cops, by the way, followed him up to your place?"

"Hey, hey, easy now, all right? I didn't know about that chase, he just asked me for a favor and I did it."

Alma walked around, bobbing her head in frustration.

"You're out of your freaking mind, Lisa. I'm sorry, a'ight? I shouldn't be talking to you like that, but I just can't believe you can't see what you're doing here! You have no idea what that guy is capable of."

"I guess I do. You know I ain't scared."

"Oh you don't. Believe me, Lisa, that man right there, he obeys to no laws, he's got no rules but the ones he makes as he goes. And he's gonna tempt you, I know that. He's gonna tempt you in ways that you can't be tempted, and you'll fall for it."

"I can be strong", Lisa said, trying to make herself believe in that.

"Where are you going tonight?", Alma asked, going back to the living room.

"I don't know, he didn't tell me."

"All I ask is, don't make me feel that all I did to help you was in vain. I'll be here at 7."

Lisa sat silently on the stairs, waiting for Billy, still unsure awfully unsure about what would happen that night. Her outfit was a step back in her past: biker boots, jeans, a slim t-shirt, her old black overcoat, gloves. The thought of going back home crossed her mind a million times, but her blood was frozen in her veins. It didn't take long for his '69 Mustang to show, she stood up and it was like entering another dimension when she got in.

Billy sized her up, as she went down the stairs and into his car. The way she looked, the way she walked, it was a whole different person from the woman cooking pancakes earlier that day. Lisa was gone. The woman sitting beside him was insanely hot, and Billy knew that if he pressed the right buttons, he could bring out the wildest side of her.

"Look at you. And you have the guts to tell me you retired."

"Save it. Where are we going?"

"Nowhere."

Apparently, it was true. He didn't even start the car.

"What?"

"Nowhere until you kiss me."

Lisa laughed out loud.

"This was a fun ride. Thanks, I had a blast", she said, opening the door, just to feel him grasping her arm, like she knew he would. Lisa closed the door, and the smirk on her glossy lips made him believe he was on the right path.

"You like that, don't you? You like me pulling you around all the time. You know what? Next time I'm gonna roughen things up a bit more."

She was about to say that there wouldn't be a next time, but to hell with it. Lisa craved him from moment zero, and for reasons she knew well, she kept blowing him off. Not that night. She turned around to kiss him, almost violently, as his fingers ran through her hair, then underneath her coat. Her hands slid over his chest, tugging at his shirt, down to his legs, close enough to feel the reaction that she was provoking.

"Enough" she said, pushing him away. He just smirked and lit up a smoke, his eyes widened when Lisa picked up the cigarette from his hand, and he had to light up another one. She was slowly giving in, one temptation at a time... and it felt good.

The roar of the engines was music to her ears, as her heartbeats kept up with the car speed, faster and faster. Lisa had always been an adrenaline junkie, and there was no use denying it, it was there, pumping in her veins and giving her the high of a lifetime. It got better when Billy turned on the radio… she looked out the window, started singing along, believing it word for word.

(Youtube link: .com/watch?v=yVA-xTBeHyM)

_**Feel it coming in the air, hear the screams from everywhere**_

_**I'm addicted to the thrill, it's a dangerous love affair**_

_**Can't be scaring nickels down, got a problem, tell me now**_

_**Only thing that's on my mind is who gon' run this town tonight**_

_**Is who gon' run this town tonight… We gon' run this town**_

_**Life's a game but it's not fair, I break the rules so I don't care**_

_**So I keep doing my own thing, walking tall against the rain**_

_**Victory's within the mile, almost there, don't give up now**_

_**Only thing that's on my mind is who gon' run this town tonight**_

_**Who gon' run this town tonight? (Rihanna)**_

Billy pulled over before the song ended, and the place gave Lisa the creeps even before they got in. It was a huge, decaying manor, or something like that.

"What the fuck is this place?", Lisa asked, reluctantly getting out of his car.

"The office."

"This… is your office?"

"Yeah. It's an abandoned nuthouse."

"Fits you good then."

At first, it had a strange sense of warmth, as if there was too much blood in there to let it cool down. It was like there was something lurking in every corner, every shadow, screams muffled by invisible hands. Each one of those graffiti paintings must have meant something someday, and whatever it was, it wasn't good. There was not a single whole thing in that place, everything was somehow broken, or incomplete, or both. It was the perfect hideout, at least for Billy and his crew. It wasn't really discrete, but it surely scared the hell out of people. A sign saying "Ward 13" was covered with a graffiti that said "Welcome to hell". That was welcoming. Billy knew the place like the back of his hand, but he noticed that Lisa was attentive, observing. Given her past, he was sure that she was looking for the exits and hideouts, creating a mental map of the place, in case she ever needed it.

The boys were gathered in the second floor, and Lisa knew what it was all about when the reek of chemicals hit her nose. Some of them were working, some just chilling, but all of them were shooting suspicious looks at Lisa. She kept on following Billy, until they reached a rather large room, which probably was a lecture room or something. He stopped right in the middle of it.

"So?" she inquired, her hands in her pockets.

"So I decided to test you."

"Hah. Test me?"

The son of a bitch was testing her from day one, waiting for her to draw the line. Little did he know that all the lines she had ever known in her life were either to be crossed or snorted. He walked up to her, towering over her poor 5'7.

"I wanna see how good you are. And I think you wanna show that to me, don't ya?"

Lisa scratched the back of her head, as she always did when she got nervous. Rusty was crawling out of her every pore. She took off her coat, placing it somewhere she didn't mind, and watched as he lit up a smoke... and this time, he handed it to her.

"So… exactly how you wanna test me?", she asked, with a confidence that Billy had never seen before.

"As much as I know you'd like to blow up some heads, we have none here tonight. So we'll start with those signs we have up there", he said, pointing towards a few old, corroded signs were hanging from the wall.

"Shit, you gotta be kidding me. I don't shoot at signs since I was, I don't know, 14?" she laughed, blowing the smoke away. Her smile soon faded when he took off his jacket, grabbed his pistol and put it on what was left of a table. Lisa swallowed hard and said, while he went around checking the signs.

"Glock 357, 12 rounds… light as a feather."

He looked back at her, obviously pleased.

"Someone's been doing their homework."

"You can never forget these things."

Her whole body shivered at the sight of that gun, sitting there, waiting to be fired. Billy walked up to where she was.

"Five shots each. I start."

"That's too close, don't you think?" Lisa said, smirking. He threw her a disdainful look, that one she knew so well, held the gun and fired away. That metallic noise of the bullets piercing the signs echoed around the place, making Lisa's heart jump out of her chest. He had missed one shot, though, and she wouldn't let it pass.

"I think I only heard 4 hits. You're too eager."

He turned around, slowly.

"Teaching me how to shoot? Really?"

"I'm just saying that you have to be patient. Wait for your best moment."

"Bullshit", he hissed, as the entire crew got to where they were, panicking, to see what was going on. Heco started complaining right away.

"Oh fuck, you scared us man! You can't just start shooting like that! Got us all jumpy for no reason! What the fuck is going on here?"

Billy didn't feel like answering, especially to Heco. The guys just stood there, watching as Billy handed Lisa the gun. The minute she grabbed it, it felt like an extension of her body. From the tip of her cigarette, to the barrel of the bun, it was all one single thing. Nothing was heard except for the mumbling of the guys, and Lisa's own heartbeats.

She gave it a second thought, but it was helpless. Within the blink of an eye, an overload of emotions took over her body and mind: the fear before the crime, the thrill of success, and just how damn good she was at all this. Billy couldn't possibly imagine how hard it was for her to be there. She rested the cigarette on the edge of the table and tried to shake it off.

(Youtube link: .com/watch?v=ZQ2nCGawrSY)

_**Take a breath, take it deep, calm yourself, he says to me**_

_**If you play, you play for keeps, take the gun and count to three**_

_**I'm sweating now, moving slow, no time to think, my turn to go**_

_**And you can see my heart beating, you can see it through my chest**_

_**And I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving, I know that I must pass this test**_

_**So just pull the trigger. (Rihanna)**_

She did it. Lisa lifted her right arm and fired five perfect shots. It came so easy for her, it always did.

"Bitch didn't even blink!", Baggy exclaimed, in shock. "Who the hell is this girl?"

Billy turned to her, narrowing his eyes. Now, he knew who she was.

"Rusty. Her name's Rusty."

Lisa was a bit paralyzed. He came in and got the gun from her hand.

"I knew you were good, babe. I just needed to see it."

"What does this mean? Is she gonna work with us?", a baffled Bodie asked, making Lisa come to her senses. That thought had never crossed her mind, but it had crossed Billy's. He had lost two men to rival gangs, and she had what it takes.

"No! No, I was just… I was just practicing, that's all."

The look on Billy's face said otherwise. A second later, he turned to the guys.

"What the fuck are you still looking at? There's work waiting for you!"

They walked away, nodding their heads, mumbling around.

"What you're smiling at, shithead?", Heco asked Joe, who was grinning uncontrollably.

"How awesome would it be to have a hot chick in our crew? Did you see the way she was shooting?"

"Billy would never let that happen", Bodie stated as if it was a certainty. Heco didn't agree.

"I'm not too sure of that."

"He better not even try it. There's something very wrong with this bitch, and I'll find out what it is, before it's too fucking late."

Lisa was still trying to calm herself down. She picked up her half-smoked cigarette and tried to light it up again, but she was trembling too much. Billy came to her rescue.

"Why are you so damn nervous?"

Her stare was fixed on the clear moonlight stripes coming through the fractals on the windows. She blew the smoke away, along with a bit of her anxiety.

"It's… too much. This whole thing… being here, being with you, it brings back a lot of memories that I've been trying hard to forget."

Billy didn't want her to forget. He just wanted her to remember enough to be the woman he wanted her to be, untamed, dangerous. He grabbed her hand, brought it close to his face and took a deep breath. Lisa found that oddly exciting, as he whispered by her ear:

"I smell vanilla… cigarettes… and gunpowder. That's a nice mix, you know."

With a shiver, her body gave in. Firing that weapon had already got her blood racing, Billy was only bringing it up to full speed when he sniffed her neck, brutally, like a predator sniffing his prey, putting all her cells on red alert.

"Come." He said, taking her by the hand and running away to what used to be a bathroom, shutting the door on their way in. It was probably the dirtiest place in the whole world, but none of them were really concerned. There Lisa was, back in the filth, in the vileness, back to that underworld where she once belonged. In there, under flickering lights, Billy slammed her on a wall, old tiles cracking and falling over the floor, his hands pulling her hips, making her gasp for air, in an uncontrollable state of raw desire. Lisa ran her hands over his jeans, yearning to feel him inside her, making him want to possess her, right then and there. Billy undid his belt and zipper, then undid hers, grabbed her by the waist, and demanded.

"Turn around."

Caught in the insanity of that moment, Lisa didn't even flinch and obeyed to his command, surrendering completely to him. She looked for somewhere to lean on, a half broken sink would do, and before she could realize, her pants were down to her ankles, and Billy was sliding into her, steadily, sending Lisa to the moon and back. He grasped her hips harshly, his thrusts growing harder and harder, his breath over her neck, locking his fingers into her hair, until the old sink couldn't stand their passion and broke down, making Lisa lose her balance. It hurt.

"Shit, shit, shit!" she cussed, seeing blood on the edge of the broken sink.

"What?"

She turned to look at him, messy hair, her eyes bloodshot with lust and pain, and pleaded.

"Don't you stop it. Don't you dare stop it."

Lisa looked at the cut on her forearm, blood pouring, and she couldn't care less, as long as Billy was inside her. She didn't just want him, she craved him desperately, and just like a drug she wanted to inject him, inhale him, until she passed out from a Billy overdose, and then she would do it all over again.

"You sure you don't wanna go to a hospital?" Billy asked, watching as she wrapped a rag from her shirt around her arm, a ciggie dangling from her lips. Her mindset started to tune back to Lisa, and that sight made Billy feel a bit upset. He wanted all of her madness, but he was only ready to witness the rise. The fall was way too unpleasant to watch.

"I'm good. Just take me home."

They drove off in silence, and Billy started to think about James, and the fact that he would see his mother like that. A hint of guilt started to find its way into his thoughts, and he had to turn it around before it took over him.

"What now?"

Lisa sighed and kept looking out the window.

"Just keep driving, all right?"

"Guilty much?"

"Shut up. You don't know shit about me."

"Well, whose fault is that?"

She gave him a long, sorrowful glare.

"You don't want to know who I am."

"What if you're wrong?"

"I'm not. Believe me."

"Keep telling yourself that, Lisa. That doesn't make it true, though."

He pulled over, and she got out without saying a word. Lisa couldn't afford to let him see her breaking down in tears.

Lisa stepped in carefully, trying not to wake up Alma or James, got her first aid kit, her pack of smokes and headed for the kitchen. Silently, she sat down at the table, lit up a cigarette, unwrapped the rag on her arm, as her eyes drowned in tears.

(Youtube link: .com/watch?v=P1PB2_vR8qw)

_**It's like you're a drug, it's like you're a demon I can't face down**_

_**It's like I'm stuck, it's like I'm running from you all the time**_

_**And I know I let you have all the power**_

_**It's like the only company I seek is misery all around...**_

_**It's like you're a leach, sucking the life from me**_

_**It's like I can't breathe without you inside of me**_

_**And I know I let you have all the power**_

_**And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time...**_

_**It's like I'm lost, it's like I'm giving up slowly**_

_**It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me, leave me alone**_

_**And I know these voices in my head are mine alone**_

_**And I know I'll never change my ways if I don't give you up now…**_

_**I'm hooked on you, I need a fix, I can't take it**_

_**Just one more hit, I promise I can deal with it**_

_**I'll handle it, quit it, just one more time, then that's it**_

_**Just a little bit more to get me through this…**_

_**It's like I can't breathe, it's like I can't see anything**_

_**Nothing but you, I'm addicted to you**_

_**It's like I can't think without you interrupting me**_

_**In my thoughts, in my dreams, you've taken over me**_

_**It's like I'm not me, it's like I'm not me… (Kelly Clarkson)**_

Alma nearly couldn't believe what she saw. Lisa was sobbing, trying to wipe out blood and tears, all at the same time, her eyes all black from the ruined makeup, the cigarette resting in an ashtray, her unsteady hand trying to hold on to a needle.

"What the hell?" she rushed up to Lisa, who looked at her, hopeless, completely lost.

"I just… I can't…"

"For the love of God, Lisa, calm down!"

Alma sat in front of her, holding her hands on the table, cleaning the blood from her arm. It was time for a much needed reality check.

"Lisa, look at me. Or better, look at you. You're a mess. He's dragging you into his chaotic life, you're allowing it, and of all people, you should have known better."

"I know."

"No, I think you don't! Don't you see that James has no one else but you? Or do you want him to go back to his father?"

Lisa chocked in her tears.

"No, never!"

"So why the hell are you going down this road?"

"I couldn't… control it."

Alma tried to help Lisa by trying to stitch up the cut.

"I don't know if I can get this right."

"It's like sewing two pieces of cloth together."

"Good lord… how did this happen?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Was it worth it?"

Lisa sighed, as her heart started racing again, and again for the wrong reasons.

"You know, when it's good, it's… amazing. But when it's bad, it's just awful."

"I was kinda hoping you could bring him out of his world and into yours, and not the other way around. Am I missing something here?"

"Why the hell is this so hard? I mean, I barely even know him! This is just so fucked up."

Alma didn't say one more word. Lisa had to endure the pain from the stitches on her flesh, but that was nothing, compared to her crushing heart.


	9. 09 The Descent

_**You made me feel so good, as no one did**_

_**And I fooled myself without feeling it**_

_**And I opened doors without leaving**_

_**Dreaming blindly, without sleeping**_

_**I don't know who you are**_

Lisa tried to put on her best face to wake up her son, and shook his shoulder, lightly.

"Good morning, honey! Time to wake up!"

James rolled over and rubbed his eyes, the same way he did every morning, but this time he noticed the bandage on Lisa's arm, resting on top of him.

"Are you hurt, mom?"

Oh boy, what a question. Yes, she was hurt. Not only her arm, but her soul.

"Uh, yeah," she replied, standing up. "Mom cut herself last night."

"How?"

"I tripped and fell over."

"Where?"

"All right, too many questions, young man. Come on, you gotta get ready for school and mom's got to work."

"Every day the same thing", he rambled, sitting up on the bed.

On their way out, they met Alma, who was taking out the garbage.

"Hey. How's your arm?"

"It's good, I guess."

Lisa was so damn embarrassed by what happened the night before, that she could barely look Alma in the eyes.

"We're on our way so…"

"Sure. I'll catch up with you later. Have a good day, both of you!"

"Thanks", James replied, gracefully, making Lisa smile.

Alma watched as they walked away, hand in hand, in the freezing cold.

"You better get yourself together, girl… you better."

"What the hell happened with your arm?" Kat asked, right away.

"Good morning to you too, Kat."

"Uh… good morning, Lisa… what the hell happened with your arm?"

"I'll tell you over lunch."

"This smells like gang leader", she stated, and saw Lisa starting to blush a little. "Yeah, definitely smells like gang leader."

Kat didn't know anything about how a gang leader smells like. Lisa did. In a second, she recalled his smell, the bittersweet taste of his kiss still lingering on her lips. Somewhere inside herself, Lisa knew that the closer she got to him, the further she was from where she wanted to be.

The week passed by slowly, slightly monotonous, with Lisa struggling to shake off any memories from that dreadful, amazing night. She hadn't heard from Billy ever since. But every time she had to take care of that damn bruise, a rush of feelings took over her… being an adrenaline addict, she secretly enjoyed it. If she couldn't have him, she just wanted to hang on to those feelings. Then she got to go home… and spending time with James made Lisa forget all about that.

Friday finally came to an end, and they were walking out of the supermarket, when Kat popped the question that Lisa was hoping she wouldn't.

"So Lisa… you're coming tonight, right?"

"Kat, I don't know… I mean, I really shouldn't be going out this much."

"Oh, come on… Is this because of James?"

It wasn't, but that was the easiest explanation.

"Yeah, I'm away a lot, and I feel I should be around more, you know."

"But you got Alma to take care of him! You're always telling me how much he likes her!"

"I know, Kat, but it's not the same, all right? Plus, we gotta work tomorrow."

"Yeah, like you never did that before. Come on! We're gonna have so much fun!"

Fun. That word had a major impact in Lisa's brain, that week had been a complete bore so far.

"I could use some fun. In fact, I've been trying to have fun ever since I got here, and I really haven't succeeded in doing that."

"All right! I'll pick you up at 11, ok? You'll be able to tuck little James in, and will be back before he even knows you were gone."

"Yeah. See you then", Lisa trailed off, walking away. It would be the final test for her to know if she was finally able to separate fun from trouble.

From the distance, Lisa saw Alma going inside their building.

"Hey, Alma, wait!"

She rushed up to Alma, dragging James by the hand.

"Hi! Hey, listen, what are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, I guess. Why?"

"Well, Kat invited me to go to a club with her and some of her friends… I thought maybe you…"

Alma smiled, with a hint of humbleness.

"You want me to take care of James?"

"No, actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to come with us… and Mama Jo could take care of him."

"Thanks, dear, but I'm gonna take a rain check tonight. I'm way too tired. What time are you gonna leave?"

"At 11."

"All right, I'll sleep at your place, no problem. James will probably sleep the whole night anyway."

"You sure you don't want to come?", Lisa insisted. She had her reasons. She needed someone to be the voice of reason, if she ever lost hers… and she felt that that was very likely to happen.

"I'll be there at 11."

Lisa had worked on her guilt by taking care of James until the moment he fell asleep. And as she got ready, her excitement grew more and more… putting on those clothes and getting the makeup done helped Lisa to see herself as somebody else, somebody who was allowed to party. When Alma arrived, she was just giving the final touches to her lips.

"Whoa, where are you going dressed like that? Looking for a night job in a strip club?"

Lisa looked down at herself, knowing that Alma was right, but right then, she didn't mind. She felt free, like she hadn't felt in quite some time. All Lisa wanted was to go out and have fun, but mainly, to be able to forget about Billy. He had been crossing her mind every other minute.

"No, I just… I just felt like having fun, that's all."

"The boys will think you're up for a shitload of fun tonight, that's for damn certain."

"I can take care of myself, all right?"

"Like you did last weekend?"

The cut on her forearm was still there, trying to heal. But Lisa knew too well that the bruises on the outside can heal. The ones on the inside not always do. Her cell phone rang, meaning that Kat had arrived; Lisa put on her coat and headed for the door.

"I can handle this. And thanks again."

"Hey!" Lisa said, unable to contain her enthusiasm, hopping in Kat's car.

"Oh my god, look at you! Are you the same girl that works with me?"

Lisa grinned, and it wasn't in a good way.

"I'm not really sure about that, you know."

Kat introduced two of her friends who were in the backseat, whose names Lisa didn't really mind learning, and they left for the night.

The moment Lisa stepped into that place, her guts told her everything she needed to know. It wasn't the right place for her – it was the perfect place for Rusty. There was some kind of illegal substance stashed in every pocket, full glasses, empty minds, eager bodies. It wasn't Kat's fault, though. She didn't know anything about Lisa's past, and it was probably better that way.

"All right!" Kat said, excited, reaching the bar. "Hey, you! Pour 4 tequila shots for me and my girls here!"

For a second, Lisa considered telling Kat that she wasn't going to drink, but the thought fled her mind as soon as she saw that liquid gold being poured into the shot glasses. She could down all of them without wincing, but she behaved… at least for the first ten minutes. As soon as that one shot hit her brain, Lisa felt her self-restraint fading away, that numbness in the tip of her fingers, her cheeks burning up, and that growing feeling that she could do anything. No limits. She loved that.

And there went another shot. Then a glass of whiskey… and another… and another. Lisa was dancing, sweating, feeling the beat resound inside her chest.

"Kat! Kat!" Lisa yelled, trying to make herself heard through the loud music.

"Yeah!"

"Where's the bathroom in here? I have to pee!"

"It's right there, around the bar", she yelled, poiting ahead.

Lisa struggled with the crowd, felt some hands touching her arms and shoulders, maybe later on she would check some of them out. When she flung the door open, right there, in front of her, everything she couldn't see: two girls doing a couple of lines of coke, on the sink. The reaction was immediate: Lisa felt a rush, starting on her toes, spreading through her veins, her heart attempting to skip one too many beats. She closed the door cautiously, and popped the only question she shouldn't ask.

"You got any more of that?"

The girls raised their heads, looked at each other, didn't answer.

"How much is it?"

"How much do you want?"

"That much", Lisa said, motioning her head towards the sink.

"It's all we have left."

Lisa never had patience for that kind of bullshit.

"Just give me the fucking price."

"20."

"All right."

Lisa pulled 20 from her pocket and gave them; they fled from the bathroom, living Lisa alone with her ghosts. She locked the door, took a deep breath, it had been so long… and it felt so damn good. The first blow made her brain twirl around in her skull, her blood racing, and Lisa enjoyed every minute of it. People were pounding on the door, she just didn't give a shit. The second line intensified everything, Lisa was breathing so loud that she could actually hear it. She crumpled the tin foil in which the coke was lined up, threw it away; wiped her nose clumsily, trying to get rid of the traces, peed and left the bathroom. Thank God no one tried to mess with her for locking that door, otherwise things could go bad real fast.

Now everything was brighter and louder, Lisa stopped by the bar to get another whiskey shot. On her way back to the girls, a certain song started and made Lisa change her mind. It was too good of a song to be wasted on the dance floor.

"Kat! Hey Kat? Isn't that Lisa on that sound box?"

Kat looked in the direction her friend was pointing, and the only thing she could say was "Fuck me."

_**She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before**_

_**Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood hoe**_

_**I'm trying find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful**_

_**The way that booty movin' I can't take no more**_

_**Have to stop what I'm doing so I can pull her close**_

_**I'm trying find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful**_

_**Damn girl, you're a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch**_

_**Damn girl, you're a sexy bitch, damn girl (David Guetta feat. Akon)**_

Kat watched Lisa's raunchy moves, while the men crowd was cheering and reaching hands out to her. She was also too frantic to notice the frenzy surrounding her. One of Kat's friends approached her.

"I think you should pull her out of there… 'cause when she sets foot on the dance floor, those guys are gonna rape her!"

"Well, she's kinda asking for it, isn't she? I mean, look at that! She's wearing a skirt, for crying out loud!"

They made her way through the crowd, and Kat grabbed Lisa's ankle, making her lose her rhythm.

"What?"

A loud boo came from the guys around her, followed by screams like "Get off her!" and "Let her dance!"

"Lisa, come down right now!" Kat shouted up to her.

"Kat! All right, join me or fuck off and let me dance!"

But Kat wouldn't let go, and started pulling Lisa's ankle, making her lose her balance, she would fall over if she didn't get down. Just like they expected, dozens of guys were all over her, and Lisa tried to dodge their eager hands on her back, butt, arms, wherever they could reach. But she did all that with a huge smile stamped on her face.

"What the hell are you doing?", Kat asked, apparently upset. Lisa could barely focus her sight.

"I was just dancing!"

Kat squinted her eyes.

"No more drinks for you!"

" Says who? You?"

"Yeah!"

"Let me break it down for you, then", Lisa said loudly, her voice already rasping, her eyes bloodshot and wide open, the whiskey shaking inside the glass. "You think I drink to find joy? Huh? You fucking think that? Well, you're wrong, my friend. I drink to suffer better, and deeper."

"Stop treating me like a child! Let me tell you something, you think that I drink to find joy? You fucking think that? You're wrong, my friend. I drink to suffer better, and deeper. I find pain in the bottom of these glasses, I found it, and I drank it. Now leave me the fuck alone!"

Lisa swallowed the last gulp of whiskey.

"In the bottom of this glass, right there, there's pain. I found it, and I drank it. Now just leave me the fuck alone."

Kat ran her hands through her hair, unable to react to those words, as Lisa slammed the glass on a table and went on to get her coat and leave.

"Fuck me, it's freezing!" Lisa cursed under her breath, curling into her coat, pulling her gloves from the pocket. Her teeth were starting to grind, she tried to stretch her jaws, knowing it was useless. Lisa walked a few blocks, stopped, looked around, she had no idea where she was. To her right, a parking lot, full of motorcycles and cars by the sidewalk, making her eyes sparkle. There was no one around, it was perfect. She jumped over the low fence, cautiously surrounded the bikes, and spotted a well known 900cc model. She wouldn't settle for less. The rush of adrenaline was building up again, and by then, Lisa was trying her best to ignore the coke bugs that she was starting to feel, crawling under her skin. She shook her head, sniffed, looked at the rear view mirror: her makeup was all smudged, she rubbed her nose, her hair was messed up, she was ready to go.

Lisa pulled her hair back, trying to put herself together, but that wouldn't be the first bike she hotwired under the influence, anyway. She reached for the wired, pulled them out, and with the same dexterity she had 8 years ago, she got the engines started.

Freedom. That was all Lisa was feeling right then. That freezing wind was blowing right at her, but she didn't mind. Lisa rode for miles, without a single worry in her head, until she heard a sound that she knew too well – sirens wailing. She just pulled over, letting the bike fall on the ground, and started a frenetic run on foot, through sidewalks and corners, up to a dead-end alley.

She paced around in the darkness, to finally lean on a wall, looking for the darkest spot, waiting, hoping the cops passed right through her. The thought of going back to jail hit her like a sledgehammer. That could not be happening, although Lisa did provoke it. She tried to control her breathing, her heartbeats, but she just simply couldn't.

"Miss? Yo, miss?"

"What the fuck do you want?"

"We just wanna talk", one of them said, coming closer to her.

"Yeah, right. I got nothing to talk to you, flattie! Fuck off!"

The man towered over her, and leaned over to make sure he was being heard. The way she stared at him, fearless, wasn't helping.

"Me and my partner? We saw you on that bike."

"Pig", Lisa thought, thinking that the man smelled like a crooked cop all the way, she would recognize one of those motherfuckers from miles.

"You saw nothing. You got nothing on me."

He knew she was right. Lisa had gloves on, which meant no fingerprints, probably no hair, no evidence whatsoever.

"Let's not waste our time here."

The cop looked back at his partner, who was a few feet away from them, and then forcefully grabbed Lisa's chin, almost lifting her up off the ground. He really shouldn't have. Lisa felt her heartbeats on her fingertips, and her first and obvious reaction was to grab his wrist and kick him right in the nuts, prompting him to let her go. Lisa ran away, shoving the other cop to the ground, with a strength that always came from an unknown place. She kept running, then she ran some more, until she ran out of breath. She put her hands on her knees, panting, then leaned back on a marquee, realizing she got to some kind of abandoned construction. As Lisa gasped for air, she had some straightening out to do with herself.

"All right, all right, all right, Lisa, come on, come on. You gotta mellow out, gotta mellow out right now. Why did you have to go and do those lines? You're way past that! Don't grind your teeth, come on, you know those bugs are in your head, not under your skin, come on. You gotta get home now. If you fuck this up, it's over."

_**I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence**_

_**The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth**_

_**Please don't tell me that we had that conversation**_

_**I won't remember, save your breath, 'cos what's the use?**_

_**Oh, night is calling, and it whispers to me softly 'come and play'...**_

_**Oh, I am falling and if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame!**_

_**I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me**_

_**Why do I feel this party's over?**_

_**No pain inside, you're like perfection**_

_**How do I feel this good sober? (Pink)**_

Billy was pacing around, it was a slow Friday. And as much as he hated to admit it, the fact that he hadn't heard from or seen Lisa all week was bothering him somehow. Her presence made him feel different, and that was the feeling he missed the most. But hell, he wouldn't be the one to chase after her. Besides, Billy had plenty to worry about. The lack of money was getting to his nerves, and he had Bodie trying to come up with a good job to give them a break, and it had to work, otherwise… he didn't even want to think about that.

Joe was with him that night. Suddenly, he turned around and got closer to Billy.

"Billy? Hey, man, isn't that Lisa over there? I think she's… talking to herself."

He looked to where Joe was pointing, and yes, it was Lisa. Wearing high boots, a heavy coat, leaning on a marquee, talking and gesticulating to no one. It couldn't be good. He walked up to her, not sure why he was doing that, and when he finally got up to her, she was absolutely unrecognizable.

"Lisa? What the fuck…?"

Lisa could never fool him. The moment her eyes met his, Billy knew she was on something. Her pupils were the size of oranges, and she wasn't even careful enough to wipe the dust from her nose.

"Oh, fuck. Are you chalked up?"

There was no use denying it.

"Just a little bit." She said, putting her thumb and index fingers together.

"This ain't funny, Lisa! Look at you. Fuck, your nose is bleeding."

As he brought his hand closer to her face, Lisa moved quicker and wiped her nose, leaving that red trail on the back of her hand. He was ashamed of her. Billy grasped her arm and started walking, he needed to get her out of there, he wanted to hide her until she was back to her own self again. But before that, Billy needed to know if there was something that needed to be covered up before they left.

"Where were you?"

"Around."

Billy spun her around to face her, never letting go of her arm, and said, staring right at her, his eyes fuming.

"I know a guy named James who would love to hear that."

Her eyes went from amped to glassy in a split second, and she sighed deeply, feeling that the tears were on their way. Billy had to hit her where it hurt, otherwise she wouldn't get a grip. And then she came up with a phrase that he had heard one too many times.

"I fucked up, all right? Won't happen again."

"Bullshit. I know the drill, Lisa, I know a whole lot of junkies and they apologize way too fucking much. Apologizing doesn't change shit, and you know that. Promises don't tell me much either."

A minute of the guiltiest silence followed, until he resumed their walk.

"Come. You can't go home like this."

"What?"

"You're coming to my place."

"I can't! I have to work tomorrow, and James is waiting for me! I'm fine!" she said, rather loudly, shaking her arm to escape from his grasp, but Billy wouldn't let her go.

"Oh, you're wrong. James is waiting for his mother, not for you. You're coming and that's it."

He was right, there was never a choice, it was never a possibility. It was fate, right there, just waiting to happen. Lisa got into his car, as he went back to talk to Joe.

"Joe! Hey, Joe, I'm taking Lisa home. You gonna be all right?"

Billy got what he still had in his pockets and shoved down in Joe's.

"She all right? What's going on?"

"No, she's not all right. You take care out here, ok?"

They drove off, and he knew that, at any moment, the cocaine blues were about to kick in. A few moments later, he heard Lisa sobbing, and remained speechless, staring at the road. He wouldn't be the one to make it any easier on her. As for Lisa, she could not torture herself more. It was the first time she relapsed since James was born, and because of that, she had more than enough reasons to feel upset.

"You know", she said, trying to swallow the tears, "I could really use a smoke right now."

"You're not smoking anything." he replied, bluntly, and then changed his tone to an almost soft one.

"How much did you use?"

"Not much."

"Well, how much is 'not much' for you?"

"Two lines, all right? That's all."

"You do realize that you've been clean for so long, that two lines could've fucking killed you, right?"

"I know, I know. I'm fine now."

He raised his voice again.

"Why do you keep saying that? You know you're not fine, you're a fucking mess! I can only imagine what you went through before I saw you there talking to yourself."

"I…" she cleared her throat, sniffed once again. "I boosted a bike… got busted by two dirty cops, kicked one of them in the nuts, then… you know what, it's not funny now that I'm saying it."

"You're out of your fucking mind. What if they brought you in?"

"I don't… I don't know."

"Yeah, I can see that much. We're here."

Lisa followed him up the stairs. It was one of the many decayed buildings around that neighborhood, and his apartment wasn't any different. In fact, it was just like Lisa was expecting it to be. The complete mess going on in his place was mirroring the mess going on inside Billy himself. Lisa paced around the living room, with her arms crossed, trying not to trip over boots and clothes scattered on the floor, and sat on the couch armrest. Billy went inside, and came back with some clean clothes.

"Come. You need a shower."

Billy would never know how much she needed someone else to make decisions for her then. The decisions she had made by herself that night were a disaster. Lisa took off her gloves and coat, and he felt his blood racing when he saw the way she was dressed – or undressed. It wasn't lust, it was jealousy. He started wondering what could have happened before, and what she wasn't telling him.

She got the clothes from his hands and entered the bathroom. Billy leaned on the doorway until she looked back at him, with those eyes pleading for forgiveness, mercy, whatever that would make her feel a little less remorseful. She closed the door, and one by one, the pieces of her clothing came off, together with the pieces of her disguise. Lisa was a struggling and loving mother; the cokehead's name was Anna. She was now someone else, caught in the middle of that.

As the water hit her head, memories started tear their way out in the back of her mind. The peak of her addiction, the day when she was taken to the youth detention center, and the endless days and night suffering from the most horrendous withdrawal symptoms. Ten minutes in that shower were enough to recap more than ten years of her life. Lisa stepped out of the shower, took a good look in the mirror and tried to see herself as Lisa, but failed miserably. All she saw was Anna, the same helpless, terrified girl, screaming silently for help.

Back in the living room, Billy tried to at least clean up the couch – and that meant throwing everything that was on the couch onto a pile on the floor. He sat down, took off his boots, wondering how Joe was doing and how much they'd make that night… then remembered to call Bodie.

"What up, dog?"

"Where are you?"

"At my corner, with Heco, dude. Why?"

"I need you to call your sister and tell her that Lisa ain't going home now."

"I ain't giving her no message from that bitch, bro. You do that yourself."

Billy took a deep breath, trying his best to keep his impulses under control.

"Just fucking do it."

"Why she ain't coming back anyway? You banging her?"

"It's not of your fucking business."

"It is of my fucking business when it comes to our business, dog! You're with her, which means Joe is out there by his damn self, when you know we're being watched, man."

"You know what? Forget it, I'll do it. Thought I could count on you, bro. Looks like I can't. Not anymore."

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're my brother, dog! You're my… fuck! Motherfucker hung up on me."

Heco just turned around, high as usual.

"Billy?"

"Yeah. He's with his little bitch."

"There's something wrong about her, I know that. She's no good, I'm telling you, man."

Bodie just walked away.

"I'm gonna go pick up Joe."

"You look nice", Billy said when Lisa came out of the bathroom in his clothes. Somehow, they fit her.

"Shut up."

"I called Alma to let her know that you're gonna sleep a couple of hours here, and then you'll go home."

Lisa thanked him almost shyly, and sat beside him. Her bare, porcelain thigh was just inviting Billy to touch it, and he couldn't resist. She was so not ready to have his hand grazing her thigh; his touch on her bare skin seemed to burn it. Lisa looked at him from the corner of her eye, and it seemed so wrong.

"Come. You gotta get some sleep."

Lisa put her hand over his, making his shifty eyes set into hers.

"Why?"

Billy looked away, and this time it seemed that the answer wasn't that hard to find. It was there, somewhere in his mind, he just had to get it off… and that was the hardest thing to do.

"You, me, Joe, we had shitty parents who screwed up all the time, and… look where we are. You can do better for that kid. You have to."

_**Now that I've met you, would you object to never seeing each other again?**_

_**'Cause I can't afford to climb aboard you**_

_**No one's got that much ego to spend**_

_**So don't work your stuff, because I've got troubles enough**_

_**No, don't pick on me, when one act of kindness could be**_

_**Deathly, deathly, definitely**_

_**'Cause I'm just a problem for you to solve and**_

_**Watch dissolve in the heat of your charm**_

_**But what will you do when you run it through and**_

_**You can't get me back on the farm**_

_**So don't work your stuff, because I've got troubles enough**_

_**No, don't pick on me, when one act of kindness could be**_

_**Deathly, deathly, definitely**_

_**You're on your honor, 'cause I'm a goner**_

_**And you haven't even begun**_

_**So do me a favor, if I should waver**_

_**Be my savior and get out the gun**_

_**So don't work your stuff, because I've got troubles enough**_

_**No, don't pick on me, when one act of kindness could be**_

_**Deathly, deathly, definitely… (Aimee Mann)**_

Oddly, Lisa felt comforted and smiled. Her thoughts were finally clearing up, and apparently, so were his.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just that, from all people, I never thought you'd be the one telling me all this."

He realized that her hand was still over his, and something inside him needed to break free from that. He stood up, leading her to his bedroom.

"You, uh, you sleep in my bed, I'll just crash on the couch", Billy said, scratching the back of his head. As he turned to leave, Lisa called his name, and until then, he had never realized it, but she said it just the way I've always wanted to hear it.

It took him a moment to turn around, but when he did, Lisa went on to hold him, without any fear or embarrassment for being needy or desperate. She was needy and desperate that night, he knew that, and he didn't care at all. Billy held her tightly, and Lisa felt like she could just melt into him, into the shelter of his arms. He ran his fingers through her still wet hair, kissed her neck, her forehead, and let go of her.

"Good night, Lisa", was all that he said on his way out. Lisa let herself fall onto his bed, and laid her weary head to rest. His scent on the pillow was enough to calm her soul, and she finally fell asleep. Billy lied on the couch, lit yet another smoke, his thoughts all over the place… and he wasn't even used to think that much. He thought about James, sleeping without his mother, just as him and Joe did for so many nights. He thought about Bodie and the job that he was supposed to get, Billy wanted that money so bad, just to take a break. He needed a break. He tossed and turned so many times, that damn broken TV. One pack of smokes wasn't enough for him that night. After a long while, Billy went in to take a shower, and from the bathroom, he went straight to Lisa's side. She opened up her eyes, feeling that Billy was crawling his way in, and pulling her closer to feel the warmth of his chest. She could lay there forever… in peace, at last.


	10. 10 Good Night And Good Luck

_**I'm sorry if I look deeply at you, close to the skin**_

_**So close that I can see your ancestry in your features**_

_**So close that I can see the road well before your steps**_

It was 6am when the faint sound of the alarm hit Lisa's ears, meaning that it was time to go. Billy's breath was still washing down her neck, he hadn't let go of her all night. Lisa tried to move his arm, and had to push it hard to get out of his grasp. As she did it, he woke up.

"Where are you going?" Billy asked, trying to open his eyes, the words falling lazily from his mouth.

"Home. I gotta go, I have to work."

"Just… just come back here."

Lisa smiled at his sleepy attempt to keep her there. She really wanted to stay. But by the time she opened her mouth to answer, he was asleep again.

Lisa pushed the door open really slowly, and found Alma sleeping on her couch; she just knew that her heart was breaking for the first of many times that day. Lisa had a natural talent for screwing things up.

"Alma? Alma?"

"What?", she frowned.

"Come. You need to go home and sleep on a decent bed."

"Yeah, I do."

Alma sat on the couch and looked at Lisa… pierced right through her.

"How did you end up with Billy? He called me, but I was so sleepy that I didn't bother asking."

"I don't think you wanna know."

"I'm sure as hell I don't wanna know, but I guess I deserve to."

"I fucked up. All right? Again. I got real high, did some other shit I'm not very proud of, and ended up in one of Billy's corners. He wouldn't let me go home like that, so I went to his place to get my shit together and rest a little. But nothing happened, I swear", I said, as if it would change anything.

"If something did happen, it would be just the icing on the cake for a perfect night, right?"

"Come on, Alma, don't torture me. I'm already doing that."

"Well, apparently it's not working, is it?"

Lisa shook her head in silence.

"At first, I thought Billy was the problem, but he really isn't. You're the problem, Lisa."

Alma looked at Lisa insistently, waiting for her to say something, anything.

"I won't let you down. I won't let my son down."

"It's not enough to say that, Lisa. You know that."

"I know. And thanks, I really appreciate it."

With the closing of the door, Lisa felt this overwhelming sense of loneliness

"Bye Lisa."

The moment that Alma closed the door, Lisa felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness crushing her bones, almost too hard to cope. She still had a whole day ahead of her.

As she walked into James' room, Lisa couldn't prevent the tears from falling, and she didn't even want to. She kneeled by his bed, he was sleeping so peacefully… her little angel, the only person on Earth that could get her out of that egotistic way of life. It was all for him.

Lisa didn't know if it was the fact that she was rubbing his arm or the choking from the tears, but he woke up.

"Mom?"

After a brief moment, he gathered his senses and frowned, asking.

"Mom, why are you crying?"

She just smiled, feeling a deep need to cherish that kid every single minute of her life. But he was much too young to realize that he was, right then, her one and only reason to live.

"I missed you."

The deep dark circles under Lisa's eyes were enough for Kat to understand that saying "good morning" would be just lip service. Lisa turned on her equipment, sat down and said, under her breath:

"All right, here we go."

_**If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine**_

_**If it had a home, it would be my eyes**_

_**Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this?**_

_**Well, here we go now one more time...**_

_**I tried to climb your steps, I tried to chase you down**_

_**I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground**_

_**I tried to earn my way, I tried to tame this mind**_

_**You better believe that I have tried to beat this...**_

_**When will this end?**_

_**It goes on and on, over and over and over again**_

_**Keep spinning around, I know that it won't stop**_

_**Till I step down from this for good... (Lifehouse)**_

The day went by and Lisa only opened her mouth to thank the clients. She didn't even want to have lunch, to escape Kat's judgmental looks, 'cause she knew they were coming. When their shift was finally over, there was no escaping her questions.

"You know, I kinda feel that I deserve some kind of explanation for what happened last night."

Lisa kept on walking, still with her head low, pressing her lips against each other.

"Lisa?"

"All right", Lisa turned around, taking a deep breath before spilling it all at once. "So, you wanna know? Ok, I'm going to tell you then: I'm an ex-drug addict, ex-convict, ex-gang member. I guess that explains pretty much everything. Happy now?"

"You're… you're what?" she inquired, with those big blue eyes of hers, trying to make sense of all those revelations.

"Yeah. And yesterday was a bit too much for me to handle. I found a couple of girls in the bathroom doing coke, so I did some lines and it got completely out of control, so I just ran out."

"Wait… ex-con?"

"A year and a half in juvie."

"How did you get this job?"

"Oh, I didn't get the job. Lisa did."

The frown on Kat's face could not get deeper.

"What the fuck…?"

"My real name is Anna."

"Oh… oh my god. Oh my god. Just let me… That's why the gang leader… it all makes much more sense now. Are you… are you working for him?"

"No! No, I'm just… I don't really know what's going on between us."

There was more than just surprise in Kat's expression. There was also now a bit of fear.

"Kat, relax, won't you? I'm Lisa now. I'm not that person anymore. There's nothing to worry about."

"If you say so…"

"I know it. All right?"

"Yeah, all right. Well, you go home and get some rest. You look like shit… must have been a rough night."

"It really was. See you Monday, then."

"Hey honey!" Lisa said, hugging James in the daycare hallway. She held him so tightly that it made him gasp a bit. Lisa had to keep her shit straight, or she'd risk losing him for good. And she wasn't willing to let that happen.

"How was school today?"

"It was ok."

James was losing his spark again. How was Lisa supposed to cheer him up, when she needed to be cheered up herself?

"So, what do you want to do tomorrow?"

"I don't know, mom."

"How about… how about we go to the movies, huh? What do you say?"

His smile lit up the whole street. He'd never been to the movies before.

"The movies, mom? Really?"

"Really. We'll have so much fun!"

It came as no surprise for Lisa that James behaved so well in the movie theater. He had always been a quiet kid, and was blown away by the screen size and all the effects and sounds. He was happier than Lisa had ever seen. And slowly, but firmly, she started to realize that James was the only person that could keep her on the right path. She could never let herself forget that again… never.

They got out of the movies and walked around the mall – Lisa should have known better. Of course, James stopped in front of a toy store window.

"Come on dear, let's go inside. You deserve something for being such a good boy today."

Lisa hadn't even finished her phrase when James let go of her hand and rushed inside, making her wonder why the hell kids had to run all the time. It's not like they're gonna be late for an appointment or something.

He got hypnotized by a Hot Wheels display, and it couldn't be different: there were a gazillion cars to choose from.

"I'm gonna let you pick one. Ok?"

Poor kid… it was too much to ask from him. James asked Lisa to pick at least a dozen for him to "see with his hands", when one car in a lower shelf caught his attention. He grabbed it himself and handed it to Lisa.

"This one."

"What are the odds?", Lisa thought out loud, seeing that he had picked a black Mustang.

"Are you sure, honey? Look, this orange truck is pretty awesome."

"No, mom, I want this one."

"All right, all right", she resigned. A black Mustang? Really?

On their way back home, they walked by a tattoo studio. Lisa walked by it every day coming back from work, but this time she couldn't help but go in. There was something she had to do.

"Hey, until what time you're open tonight?"

The receptionist with a million piercings and tattoos turned around, looking bored to death.

"I don't know. Why? You wanna get something done?"

"Yes. It's not gonna take more than 15 minutes. You have a piece of paper?"

Lisa scribbled down two words and handed it to the girl.

"This is pretty much the size... and make it block letters. I'll be back in a few."

"That lady looks weird", James commented on the way out, making Lisa grin. He started talking very early, and now he sounded like a grown up.

"You think?"

"Yuh-huh."

After a few knocks on Alma's door, Mama Jo appeared with that smile that never faded.

"Lisa! James! How are you doing, my dears?"

"Mama!", Lisa exclaimed, not really sure why she was so happy to see her. Maybe it was because she impersonated the mother that Lisa never had and that she always wanted to be.

"Come in, come in! We're about to have dinner."

The smell from inside the apartment was amazing.

"I'd love to, Mama, but I have to run some errands... can I leave James to have dinner with you, and I'll come back to pick him up in, say, 30 minutes?"

"Of course you can. Come on, James, let me see what you got there in your hand."

He looked up to Lisa, with those pleading eyes. She knew that, somehow, he was terrified of her leaving him. Lisa knew that feeling too well to let him go through it. She took the time to kneel and talk to him, he needed safety, and now she felt confident enough to provide that.

"James, look at me. Look at me, honey. Mom is going to talk to that weird lady, and I'll be right back. Ok? Mama Jo is cooking dinner, you show her your new car, and then I'll come back for you."

"All right", he said, with a bit of resignation, and went inside, as Lisa ran down the stairs. She couldn't wait one more minute to get that done.

"I told you I'd be back!", Lisa said, peeking in. They were all still at the dinner table, except for Bodie, and she joined them.

"Hey! Come, sit with us... what's that on your wrist?"

She unwrapped the plastic and held her arm up.

"Never Forget", Alma read, wide eyed. "You just got that like, right now?"

"Yes."

Her surprised expression turned into a smile, as she realized what it meant.

"I like it."

James was munching on his dessert, and he was the one Lisa had to show it the most.

"Honey, did you like it? Huh? It says, Never Forget. You know what that means?", she asked, sitting on a chair beside him.

"Mom? My tongue is weird."

Lisa looked at him and his lower lip was starting to swell. She glanced at what was left from the pie he was eating and suddenly felt the ground fleeing away from her feet.

"What's in that pie?"

"Pecan pie! Why?" Alma asked, in a high-pitched tone, sensing Lisa's despair.

Lisa just grabbed her purse and stormed out, dragging James along with her.

"He's allergic to nuts."

Lisa ran for at least two blocks with James weighing on her arms, looking for a cab, a ride, anything, until an old cab pulled over and they hopped in the backseat.

"To the nearest hospital, please, hurry!"

She laid James down on her lap, Lisa knew that she was more nervous than he was, but the swelling of his lips and tongue were freaking her out, not to mention that his throat was swelling up as well, and he started wheezing. Was that a test? Whatever it was, it got Lisa completely desperate.

"Oh my God, please, please, please..."

"We're almost there, ma'am, almost there."

She didn't even look up to see to which hospital he was taking them, she just felt the car moving and held James close to her chest, the tears falling from her eyes onto his hair. The wheezing became louder, he was having trouble breathing. Lisa put her hand on his chest, his lungs were trying so hard.

"Please, honey, please, just hang on, all right? Just... please."

The cab pulled over, and Lisa just tossed 10 dollars at him, hoping it would be enough, and ran into the hospital. The receptionist saw her storming in and stood up right away.

"I need a doctor. Right now!"

James was getting tired, and for all she knew, starting to lose consciousness. To her left, a doctor was coming up, and hurried his steps when he saw Lisa panting, with a kid almost passing out in her arms.

"Come", he said, leading them inside. "What happened?"

"He's having an allergic crisis, he's allergic to nuts and he just ate a pecan pie, and when I looked at him, his lips were swelling", she said, jumbling the words, her voice fading and tremulous. He got them into a room and Lisa laid James on the bed. His face was becoming distorted, and she tried her best not to break down in front of him.

"Honey, you be good, all right, James? Dr...", Lisa looked at him, searching for his name.

"Gates."

"Dr. Gates will help you out, all right?"

"He had this before? How do you know it's allergy to nuts?"

"He had it once, a long, long time ago. I don't think he even remembers it. He was having dinner at a friend's house, and it didn't even occur to me to mention this."

Guilt was finding its way into Lisa's jaded heart fairly quickly, dilacerating her chest from the inside out. She grabbed James' hand tightly, almost squeezing it. Dr. Gates checked his pulse and heartbeats, his mouth and throat, and stated the obvious.

"He's got all the signs of an allergy", and looked at Lisa right in the eyes. "We 're gonna have to give him an epi shot, you know that, right?"

"I know. Just do it, all right? Whatever it takes."

James turned to Lisa, wide-eyed, and all she started fluffing his hair. It didn't work. He started whimpering and mumbling something that could only mean, "I don't want a shot", and all she could do was shush him and rub his arm and chest, trying, in vain, to calm him down when Dr. Gates came back with the injection. Lisa watched, with my heart torn in two, as her son tossed and turned on that gurney, whining, while the doctor lowered his pants and held his leg still.

"Help me out here."

Lisa helped him holding James' leg, and Dr. Gates injected the shot on his thigh, making James cry even louder.

"Shhhh, it's over now, sweetie, it's over", Lisa tried to console him, wiping away his tears.

"I gave him a lower dose, to minimize side effects... but it will also take a little longer for the swelling to go away. His breathing will get back to normal in a few minutes", Dr. Gates said, with a calm that affected Lisa in a good way.

"Thank you, Dr. Gates. I really mean that."

He threw the needle away and took off his gloves.

"You're welcome...", he said, trailing off the same way she did before.

"Lisa."

"That's a nice tattoo you got there, Lisa. I'll be back to check on James later on... I want you to spend the night here so we can keep an eye on him."

"Oh... ok. No problem."

He closed the door and Lisa pulled a chair to sit by the bed, holding James' hand. He was breathing a lot more freely... and so was she.

_**As I lay me down, heaven hear me now**_

_**I'm lost without a cause, after giving it my all**_

_**Winter storms have come and darkened my sun**_

_**After all that I've been through, who on earth can I turn to?**_

_**I look to you, I look to you**_

_**After all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong**_

_**I look to you, I look to you**_

_**And when melodies are gone, in you I hear a song, I look to you...**_

_**My love is all broken**_

_**My walls have come tumbling down on me**_

_**The rain is falling, defeat is calling**_

_**I need you to set me free**_

_**Take me far away from the battle**_

_**I need you to shine on me... (Whitney Houston)**_

James was sound asleep now, and Lisa was just texting Kat to ask her to tell Greg that she wouldn't be able to work the next day, when Alma's head showed through the door.

"Hey."

"Hey. How is he?"

"Much better now. His lips are almost normal, and... he's just fine. Kid scared me big time", she said, chuckling.

"I bet he did."

Alma came up and placed her hands on Lisa's shoulders.

"Anything I can do?"

"I really, and I mean really need a cigarette."

Alma laughed, making Lisa laugh as well.

"You know I don't smoke."

"I know. Is there a liquor store or something around here?"

"Yeah, like two blocks away."

"All right. Just stay here with him for me, I'll run there and get my fix. I'll be back real fast."

"Ok", she said, caressing his hair. "James, see what you did? You made your mom want to smoke again."

On her way out, Lisa smiled. Things were back to normal and she just needed five minutes to decompress. She got to the store, got herself two packs, and in no time she walking back, inhaling that smoke as if it was a tranquilizer. Well, it was, in a way. From all the things that could keep Lisa calm, cigarettes were the least harmful. She leaned on a storefront, the sight of James' face, the sound of him panting, it just wouldn't leave her mind. A sudden smirk came across her lips, as she realized that she was able to take care of him on her own. Lisa did all that by herself. That feeling was way too good, better than anything else she'd been doing or drinking the past few days. It should be enough to keep her on the right track. It had to be.

Her thoughts were scattered by the sound of screeching tires. Lisa glanced at her right, and she saw a black truck speeding off. Something was just not right. She flickered the ashes on the ground, and as she turned around the corner, there was a dumpster by the sidewalk, and her heart froze when she saw a leg falling out from it.

"Fuck me", she said to herself. Lisa looked for the truck, trying to make out the plate, but they were already too far. She looked around, took one more drag and threw the butt away; climbed on the lower part of the dumpster, and there was a body, made into a sieve by a shitload of bullet holes. Lisa could never forget that Carpe Diem tattoo, though... it was Baggy. The sound of screeching tires meant that they were coming back for her.

"Fuck me sideways."

The nights at Four Roses were getting more boring by the minute. Still it was one, if not the only, place where Billy could relax and have a little fun, and what was most important then, for free. If he had to pay for what he drank there, he'd have to kill Sammy, and he didn't really want to do that. He'd rather pull out the job that Bodie was setting up for them. It was a fake heist in a cash transportation company – definitely not the type of job that they were used to, and that was why they needed someone from the inside on their side. That someone was named Roger, and was there at the Four Roses that night.

"So, Roger, you aware of what we're going to do?"

"Y-y-yes, yes, I am."

"Good. 'Cause if you're not, you better fucking be. You owe Bodie 2 grand, which means you owe me 2 grand, which means you're in deep shit. And you should be fucking thankful for us helping you get away with it. It's either the job, or they will have to look for your body in the bottom of the fucking river."

"I know, all right? I got this", he said, in a whim of toughness.

"When?"

"Next week, my supervisor will be on vacation. There will be no one else there, and we can easily stage a robbery."

"Cameras?"

"Just one."

"Security guards?"

"Two"

"Armed?"

"Old pieces... I think they don't even know how to use them. Plus, the one from the night shift sleeps almost all night long."

"All right", Billy turned to Bodie. "You better plan this thing. It's too fucking easy to go wrong."

As easy as it was, Billy didn't really want to do it. But as they say, desperate times demand desperate measures. He downed one more whiskey shot, and his cell started ringing.

"Billy! Hi, it's Lisa! Uh... I got a situation here..."

It was hell breaking loose. Lisa ducked behind the dumpster, the loud banging of the bullets hitting the metal, a storefront shattered into shrapnel. She tried to cover her head, still holding on to the phone, and they left just as suddenly as they arrived. Billy had to look at the screen to make sure it was Lisa calling.

"Billy! Billy, you still there?"

"Where are you?", he yelled, standing up, trying to overpower the noise, and that also drew all the attention to him. By then, he was already on his way out, beckoning Bodie, Heco and Joe.

"I need you to come to the corner of Drew and 3rd, right now."

He sensed the apprehension in her voice, and didn't even answer. Billy knew that the fact that she called him meant that she was alive, but he feared the worst – that someone found out about them and tried to hurt her to get back at him. It wouldn't be the first time that it happened, but it would be the first time that Billy really cared about it.

"What's going on, man?"

"That's what we're going to find out, Joe."

Lisa paced around, had to light up another smoke 'cause she didn't know where the previous one ended up, and avoided looking at that corpse at all costs. Seconds later, he pulled over, and him, Bodie, Joe and Heco got out of the car. Yes, he definitely sensed her desperation.

"What... what the fuck?", Billy asked, seeing the shattered storefront. Lisa just motioned my head towards the dumpster, and Joe was the first to say something.

"Oh, shit. That's Baggy's shoes, man. That's Baggy there."

"What?", Billy asked, approaching the dumpster.

"It's him. I saw the tattoo. They got him pretty bad."

"Fuck, fuck!", he cussed under his breath, slamming his hands on the dumpster, wondering how Baggy could be so dumb to let himself get caught. And although Billy had a gut feeling about who did that, he still had to ask, and he did, after a long, deep breath.

"Is this all you saw?"

"I saw a black truck speeding off."

"Did you get the plate?", Bodie asked, not without a touch of disdain.

"No", Lisa said, sternly, turning to face him, like few women dared to. "The first time around, when I got to them, they were too far... and when they came back for me, I was too busy ducking behind this fucking dumpster."

"You could at least have just stuck your head out."

"The thing is that, Bodie, unlike you, I have something to live for."

"Wait, wait", Billy said, coming from behind the dumpster. "You said they came for you?"

"Of course they did. They must have thought I saw them or made out their plate."

The silence that followed was enough for the guys to leave them alone for a second. As they proceeded to check on Baggy's body, Billy walked up to Lisa. There wasn't a single hint of fear in her. Maybe she didn't get it.

"If they knew...", he trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence. "If they knew, they wouldn't have let you live."

Lisa lowered her head.

"There's nothing to know."

There was a lot to know. More than she could possibly imagine.

"What the fuck were you doing around here this time anyway?"

"I went out for smokes", she replied, putting her hair up in a decent ponytail again. That was when Billy noticed something on her wrist, and grabbed it to take a look. It was her brand new tattoo, still a little reddish around the edges, saying "Never Forget". Lisa had forgotten how crystal clear his eyes could be sometimes… especially when the gang leader persona faded away, even if it was for just a second.

"I have to go back. James... he's in the hospital."

"Hospital? Why didn't you call me?"

Fucking lighter, giving up on Billy in the most ungodly hour. Lisa frowned and handed him hers, which he didn't even care about giving back. He couldn't have her, so he might as well have something from her.

Lisa frowned.

"Why would I call you? I took a cab and that was it. He's better now."

Meanwhile, Bodie couldn't believe what was happening.

"I don't know, man, it's just so fucking weird that she was the one to find his fucking corpse", he almost whispered to Heco.

"She just ain't right, dude."

"Yeah... and I'm gonna find out what's wrong, before she gets in our way."

"Dude... she already did."

Bodie kept pacing around, shaking his head, until a bright lamp shone in his mind.

"Oh, fuck! Tank has a fucking black truck. Fucking Cutty Macks, man. I say let's get them. Let's go get them now."

Joe agreed, excitedly.

"Yeah, man! Bunch of fuckers!"

Lisa chuckled at that ridiculous comment, pissing Bodie off.

"Tonight? You do know that they're waiting for you to do that, right?"

"So what? We're ready for them."

"As ready as your friend here?"

"Shut her up, man. I mean it."

She snickered, and Billy had to hold back a smile that was beginning to show. She wouldn't shut up, but now she was talking directly to him.

"Come on, you know better than that. You go after them tonight and you'll all get killed."

"You go back to your son. I'll take care of this."

Right then, Billy saw a sign of fragility in her, that lasted for about half a second.

"All right. You be careful. I…"

The rest of that sentence would be "…can't lose you", but the words didn't come out.

"I know", he pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "Now go."

The sight of watching her leave once again was interrupted by Heco and his constant questions.

"So what, Billy?"

"We wait."

"You gotta be fucking kidding me. She's our boss now?"

"You fucking son of a bitch", Billy cursed out loud, grabbing Heco by his collar and slamming him onto the dumpster. "I am your fucking boss! And while you work for me, you do as I fucking say! I say we wait, so we fucking wait!"

Bodie and Joe didn't dare to interfere, and Billy let Heco go.

"Remind you of someone?", Joe turned to Bodie, but the question was for Billy. And Billy knew exactly what and who he was talking about. God damn it.

"Put him in the trunk", Billy said, passing by Bodie. He had had a couple of corpses in his trunk before, but that was the first time that it was one of them in there. Billy wondered which one of them would tell Baggy's sister about it. Bodie was probably the best person for that task.

Lisa walked back into the hospital, still a bit shocked by what had just happened, a bit afraid of what might happen next.

"My goodness, what took you so long? Were you smoking a cigar or something?"

"Baggy's dead."

"What?"

"And out of all people to find his body, I did. God damn it."


	11. 11 Where The Wild Things Are

_**I didn't come here to understand or to explain**_

_**Nor to ask for anything for me, I don't want anything for me**_

_**I came for what I know, and as far as I know you like me**_

_**That's why I came**_

Billy had been staring at that Zippo lighter for a few minutes, not knowing if he missed Lisa that much or not. What he knew for sure was that he missed the man he was when he was with her. Someone had to snap me out of those thoughts.

"Billy? Billy! Fuck, man!"

He stood up slowly, opened his arms.

"What now, Bodie?"

"I'm worried about tonight, dog. We cannot afford to fuck this up."

"Why are you so fucking worried, man? When was the last time we didn't get our job done?"

"When Baggy got fucking killed! Or you forgot that already?"

Billy just sighed. No, he wouldn't forget that any time soon.

"Tonight we'll not only kill the motherfucker who did that, but we'll also hit a job that could give us like, a month of vacation!"

That word sounded magic. Vacation. Billy didn't know what was like to have some days off in years, in many years. Not having Bones around made things easier in a way, but the business was growing harder, it was the first time that any of them got killed in a deal gone bad, and that meant something. He lived for danger, he lived by it, but Billy was starting to accept the fact that he was just getting tired. What would he do? Open up the body shop again and repair cars? Twice the headache, for half the money?

"Fuck it", Bodie grumbled, seeing that Billy got all thoughtful again. "That bitch has got you weird. Too fucking weird."

"Mind your own fucking business, Bodie."

"Come on, man. We gotta meet Roger in like, 5 minutes for the last arrangements."

Billy had sat in that chapel, on that same old bench, with that same damn red light coming through the glass panels for countless times, every time he had something important to take care of. That time, he was thinking about what he didn't want to do. But he didn't have time for that bullshit.

People say that, as the end of the year arrives, the days pass by faster. Lisa had never felt that happening as much as she did then, everything was changing so fast. Now, James was whining about leaving the day care. She was doing pretty good at work, James was making new friends and developing his skills as any other kid, they could not ask for anything else. Lisa was even starting to make plans, maybe buy a car, refurbish their house… plans finally made sense now that they had a real future to look forward to.

Lisa hadn't heard from Billy since that night when Baggy was killed. That was a good sign, because if anything had happened to him, she would have known. But every other minute, the thought of him popped in her mind. Some days she woke up searching for his arms, and I never found them. She couldn't quite understand what was going on: we couldn't stand to be together… and they couldn't stand to be apart, it seemed Life was proving to be hard all around, once more.

The week passed by real fast, and the lack of news started to get on Lisa's nerves. She spent all day checking her cell phone, although she knew he never called her. Lisa missed him, she really did. But she knew she hadn't gotten that tattoo for nothing. Every time Lisa looked at it, it made her stronger and set her mind back to James and James only. Kat was also proving to be a great friend, cheering Lisa up and taking her mind off of Billy.

Oh, the awaited Saturday. Lisa walked out of the supermarket feeling so much lighter, Kat had told her about The Children's Museum and Lisa was really excited about taking James there on Sunday. From the distance, she saw Bodie's car parked across the street from the daycare, and felt the blood rushing to her neck. He couldn't be that crazy.

As Lisa walked into the daycare, she caught a glimpse of Bodie kneeling down, and trying to start a conversation with James, while all the other kids were on their way out. James looked puzzled and clearly didn't trust him. Smart boy. But Lisa was too blinded by fury to see past that.

"Stay away from my son", she stated, bluntly, one word at a time.

Bodie got up and faced Lisa, trying to get her intimidated. And failed, like he knew he would.

"He's a bright kid. Didn't get it from his mother, I guess."

Lisa held James' hand tight, before he broke loose and went on to play with a few of his classmates.

"You heard me. Stay away from us."

He snickered, and Lisa felt a chill running down her spine. She knew something was very wrong when he got closer to her and whispered what was a secret indeed."

"I know who you are."

She swallowed hard. She couldn't let him get to her.

"You know who I am? Good. Then you should also know that if I ever see you around my son again, I'll fucking kill you without flinching."

"I'm so not afraid of you… Lisa."

"You should."

"No. You're the one who should be afraid. And for your own sake, I hope you stay out of our fucking way."

"Don't worry, Bodie, I am out of your way."

With that, he left, and Lisa got really upset. Why should she be afraid? What the hell did he know, and to what extent?

"Mom!"

His voice always brought Lisa back to reality.

"James. You know that guy who was talking to mom? What did he tell you?"

"He said, 'do you know who I am', and I said no. Then he said he knows you, then you arrived."

"All right, if you ever see him again, you don't talk to him. Do you understand me, James? You do not talk to him."

"All right, mom."

They walked in silence, only the sound of their boots stepping into the slush on the sidewalk, Lisa's thoughts running wild. When they got close to their building, that voice that never failed to cheer them up

"Hey! There you are! I haven't seen you guys in ages!"

Lisa just smiled, as James ran towards Alma.

"Don't be dramatic. It's been only a few days."

"I know, but I was starting to get worried!"

"Thanks, but… we're ok."

Alma picked James up, and looked at Lisa.

"Are you?"

Lisa lowered her eyes.

"Yeah, I mean… I can't say that I don't miss Billy. For some reason, I do. But this is how it's supposed to be, I guess. We're moving on now."

"I see. Well, we're going to the church now. Do you want to join us?"

"Church? Uh, Alma, I don't know. I can't recall the last time I went to one."

"One more reason you should go."

Lisa rolled her eyes, torn in between the will to go and maybe finding some real peace of mind, or avoiding having to think about her life.

"Listen, I'm not trying to convert you or anything. I just think it might be a nice place for you to keep in touch with your heart and soul. Everybody needs that sometimes."

"Well, you should know that people tried their best to convert me to a lot of things in juvie, and they all failed. If people start yelling at me, I'm out of there."

Alma laughed out loosely and put James down the ground.

"Don't worry. They even got a special place for kids to stay. We're gonna have a lot of fun, right James?"

He shrugged, as he'd never been to a church before, and held Lisa's hand.

"Where's Mama?"

"Oh, she always goes a bit earlier… you know, she wants to sit in the front row."

They started walking, talking about any and everything. A few blocks later, Lisa spotted Billy's crew gathered around their cars, Bodie had already joined them. She kept walking, as much as her thoughts sent her right into Billy's arms, she didn't even understand why.

"I hate to say this, but he won't take his eyes off of you."

That was enough to make Lisa look their way, and Billy was indeed staring at me. She felt like he was the only one standing still, while all the others were gesticulating and talking. Although Billy tried to convince himself that he didn't look for her 'cause he didn't care, in fact it was the opposite. He didn't want to drag her back into that life. He had hopes for her and that kid. Lisa fought hard against her mind, her heart, her feelings, and got into the church. Enough was enough.

"Yo! Let's roll!", Joe said, excited, as if they were going to do something fun. Well, Billy used to think that way. It wasn't fun anymore.

"I'll meet you at the headquarters."

"What? Where are you going, dog?"

Billy had literally no patience left for anyone, let alone for Heco."

"You listen to me, you fucking prick. You work for me. You owe me fucking explanations. Not the other way around."

They vanished into their cars and left Billy alone with his demons. They were all he had then.

Religion had never been one of Lisa's strengths. It never really helped her find any comfort throughout her turbulent life, so she had just given up on it a long time ago. However, there was something inside that temple, a sense of peace that made her heart feel so settled and reassured. Lisa had forgotten the power of a gospel choir, though, and she couldn't hold back the tears as they started singing.

_**Now Lord, don't move my mountain, but give me the strength to climb**_

_**And Lord, don't take away my stumbling blocks, but lead me all around...**_

_**Lord I don't bother nobody, I try to treat everybody the same**_

_**But every time I turn my back, they scandalize my name...**_

_**Now when my folks would slay me, these things they will try to do**_

_**But Lord, don't touch them but within their heart, make them give their life to you...**_

_**Jesus, you don't have to move my mountain, give me the strength to climb**_

_**And Lord, don't take away my stumbling blocks, but lead me all around...**_

Alma put her arm around Lisa's shoulder, in a sign of comfort.

"I'm glad you're here."

A smile found its way between the tears.

"Me too, Alma. Me too."

That hour wasn't nearly as boring as Lisa thought it would be; it was comforting and encouraging, giving me a much needed strength to carry on. When they left, the guys were gone, and Lisa's peaceful state of mind was disrupted by thoughts of what they were doing, if Billy would be safe, if she'd ever see him again.

"Aren't you worried about Bodie?"

Alma chuckled.

"As the older sister, I've been worrying about Bodie since the day Mama Jo brought him home. It comes to a point where… I worried so much about him, that I forgot to live, you know? I lived to make sure he'd come home, to make his bails, to rescue him from ODs, and I watched as me and my mother grew more and more exhausted. He made his bed, he's gonna lie in it. I know that's an awful thing to say but it's the truth. I can't live his life, I never wanted to."

Lisa thought for a while, and Alma knew exactly why she had asked that question.

"You worried about Billy?"

"I know I shouldn't. But I am a little. A lot."

"Don't worry. All the other guys would die first."

"None of them have to die in the first place."

"You've got a point." Alma said, climbing the stairs. "Now I'm gonna go home, bake a delicious chocolate cake with the creamiest frosting, and I'll give you a piece when it's done. How does that sound?"

James looked up at Lisa, with a smile in his eyes.

"We would love that."

After a Saturday special – pizza and diet Coke, Lisa gave up to James's insistence and they watched "Lilo & Stitch" for the gazillionth time. She already knew all the lines, but couldn't help smiling whenever James chuckled at something, which happened every other minute. Her son's laugh was a balm to her soul. Lisa's mind kept on wondering about one thing, though.

"Where is Alma and that cake? I could really use some chocolate."

"Me too, mom."

"Well, we will have to wait, dear. You know mom doesn't buy candy during the week."

"But today is Saturday."

"All right, smart-pants. We'll buy some candy bars tomorrow, ok?"

A well-timed knock on the door cheered up both of them.

"Yay! I guess we've got chocolate!" Lisa said, clapping her hands and rushing to the door. "You have no idea how… oh."

"You forgot this." Billy said, handing her the lighter.

"I didn't forget it. You can have it."

Billy put the lighter in his pocket, and asked Lisa the most unexpected question.

"Mind if I… Mind if I come in?"

Lisa couldn't help but notice that there was something so different about him that night. From his tone of voice to the way he was standing, everything was unusual, and suddenly, the look in his eyes made all his lies worth believing.

"Hi Billy", James let off as soon as he stepped inside, leaving Lisa wide-eyed. Billy approached him.

"Hey, big guy."

"I saw your car today."

Lisa kept on watching, completely amused. She had no idea that James had noticed Billy or his car earlier.

"You did, huh? Did you like it?"

"It's awesome. It has a tattoo, just like you. I wish you could give me and my mom a ride some day."

Billy turned to Lisa, a serene expression on his face, like Lisa had never seen.

"Anytime you want."

"Cool."

Lisa wasn't sure of what surprised her the most: was it James being so open, or was it Billy showing some real interesting?

"Ok, we're gonna ride in Billy's car some other day, but right now it's bed time for you, kiddo."

Lisa looked back at Billy.

"I'm gonna tuck him in. Are you staying or…?"

Billy didn't gave her a chance to finish. Now he knew what he wanted.

"I'm staying."

While Lisa tried to get James to sleep, Billy walked around. Lisa got new white lace curtains in the kitchen, the house smelled like cleanliness and care, the couch was calling out his name. In his life, all he ever knew were shitholes, dark alleys, low-level clubs, dirty motels. Places with no name, no purpose, he just went on, from one to another, never really finding any meaning. Her place was… a fortress. He'd never looked for one, but ended up finding it anyway.

She came back to the living room, and there was a cloud of grief and concern weighing over Billy. Lisa sat by him, in silence, showing no condemnation, no censure, no judgment. That was the only way to show him that she was there for him. He blew the smoke from his cigarette away.

"I was supposed to be going after the Cutty Macks right now." He uttered, looking at her from the corner of his eyes. "I just… I just needed a break."

Lisa knew exactly how hard it was for him to admit that, and making a fuss about it wouldn't help. She made everything look so easy, and maybe it was easy after all. If there was a future for Lisa, there had to be a future for him as well. And she wanted to be a part of that. There was something deeply egoistic about wanting to be the rescuer, but this could be her redemption… and his salvation.

"How long is that break?"

"Can't really say."

"I'll be right back."

Lisa went to her bedroom to find a bottle of whiskey that had been stashed in the back of her closet for God knows how long.

"I cannot believe he's almost one hour late. Where the fuck is he?", Bodie yelled, pacing around.

"Hey, relax, won't you? He's gonna show up, sooner or later."

Bodie came up to Heco.

"Later will be too fucking late."

"Hey, hey! Chill, man. Let's wait a bit more."

Bodie was furious that Billy didn't show up. He knew it, he knew that that night they had to carry out the two most important missions of their lives: avenge Baggy's death and get the highest paid job they've ever done.

"All right, that's it. I'm done waiting." He snapped, walking out of the office.

"Where the fuck are you going?"

"Oh no, not me. We. We're going, with or without him. This is a one-time chance, and I'm not gonna miss it because our 'boss' is out there, doing God knows what. He knew exactly what had to be done, and if he's not here, I'm guessing he doesn't give a shit about it. Or about us. Or ever fucking worse, he's just afraid of going to jail."

The guys all looked at each other. For the very first time, Billy wasn't there to lead them, and there was enough reason to suspect his motives. It would be weird, but the money was way too high to let it pass. Silently, they all got into Bodie's car and drove off into the night.

"Let's start with this", Lisa said, shaking the whiskey bottle on her way to the movies. Billy grinned a little, and it was clear to her that he didn't really know what he was doing there. Lisa didn't care, as long as he was there, in her sight. She poured two generous doses and handed him a glass.

"What are we drinking to?"

He threw the cigarette butt out the window.

"There's really no reason to toast."

"There has to be."

Ther wasn't. Lisa watched as he completely ignored her comment and swallowed half of the whiskey, leaning back on the sink. The liquor brought back the Billy that she hated, but was learning to deal with.

"So, you went to church with Alma today. Found Jesus yet?"

_**I heard there was a single chord that David played and it pleased the Lord**_

_**But you don't really care for music, do ya?**_

_**And it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift**_

_**The baffled king composing hallelujah...**_

"I'm not looking for him."

"What are you looking for then?"

"Peace."

"Shit, that's even harder to find."

"I disagree", she said under her breath. Lisa reached for his pack of smokes, which were on the sink, and as she fell back, he stopped her, placing his hand on her back and pulling her closer. She put the smokes back where they were, and gave in to him. It wasn't time to fight… it was time to settle down. No more dirty whores, preppy junkies, or girls from the hood who were just after protection and status. This time, Billy had a real woman, giving herself entirely to him, and asking for nothing in return. That scared him more than getting killed on the streets.

_**Your faith was strong, but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof**_

_**Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya**_

_**She tied you to her kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair**_

_**And from your lips she drew the hallelujah...**_

His mouth tasted like malt and tobacco, and it was again intoxicating. But this too was atypical. They moved slowly to her bedroom, where he took his time to kiss every single inch of Lisa's body. She knew that being gentle wasn't his thing, but somehow he was really invested in cherishing that moment, as if it would never happen again. Lisa didn't care. All that mattered was pleasing him, then and there. She pulled out some tricks she had hid up her sleeve, turning the man into a volcano, ready to blow. Lisa managed to keep his desire right there at the edge, so that when he moved inside her, they were both in a complete state of awe. She could tell by the way he touched her. No words were necessary, just his rhythmic moves, her legs wrapped around his waist. He put his head up a little, it had been resting on her shoulder, and kissed her deeply, their fingers intertwined. That was it for Lisa, she couldn't hold it a second longer. Much to her delight, a few seconds later he collapsed on top of her worn-out body. That was the closest they would ever get, like their bodies could melt together, and neither would mind if that happened.

"You're kinda heavy, you know", she said, giggling.

"You weren't complaining about it until now."

Lisa took a good look at him, swept a drop of sweat from his forehead. The words got stuck in her throat. Some things are better left unsaid, anyway.

Billy got up and headed to the bathroom, while Lisa was left there, rolling over the bed, still not quite believing what had just happened, or how it happened.

_**Baby, I've been here before, I've seen this room and I've walked this floor**_

_**You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya**_

_**And I've seen your flag on the marble arch, and love is not a victory march**_

_**It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah...**_

Billy found Lisa sitting on the kitchen floor, wearing his t-shirt, with a half-full glass of whiskey and a half-smoked cigarette.

"Stealing my smokes?"

Lisa wanted so badly to tell him that he had stolen so much more than that.

"I'll repay you, William."

He sat down in front of her, also served with whiskey and a smoke.

"You can bet on that… Anna."

"Please, don't call me that. It reminds me of someone I don't ever wanna be again."

_**There was a time when you let me know what's really going down below**_

_**But you don't really show that to me, do ya?**_

_**Remember when I moved in you, and the holy dove was moving too**_

_**And every breath we drew was hallelujah...**_

She shook the memories off and stretched her leg over his. That scar on her thigh was hideous. Still, Billy ran his thumb over it.

"This ain't no street scar, is it?"

Lisa just shook her head, sighing.

"Nope. It's a… homemade scar."

"Who?", he asked, squinting his eyes.

William was just trying to get away from Billy. Her silence was enough of an answer.

"You didn't need no fucking tattoo to tell you that you could never forget. That scar should do."

She grinned and raised her forearm.

"This… is so that I never forget what matters most. Now this", she pointed to the scar, "this represents everything that I have to forget, no matter what it takes."

"James' father."

"Yep."

"Coward motherfucker."

Lisa was about to say that it was her fault, but she had to stop making excuses already. It wasn't her fault, it never was.

"He was… he was a gang leader", she revealed. Billy chuckled at that statement, and the quirk of fate that it represented.

"How the fuck did you end up with another gang leader on your kitchen floor?"

"Ironic, huh?"

_**Well maybe there's a god above, but all I've ever learned from love**_

_**Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya**_

_**And it's not a cry that you hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light**_

_**It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah...**_

The whiskey bottle was down to half, so were all of our constraints and shames. Lisa had been talking for the past 40 minutes or so, with Billy oscillating in between listening attentively and wondering off for a minute or so. She had also yawned about a hundred times.

"I guess it's bedtime for me", she said, standing up and getting a head rush that made her lose her balance for a moment. He promptly grabbed her arm.

"Someone drank too much."

"I didn't."

They went back to the living room, and Lisa hated that he was leaving. Again.

"Are you gonna be all right here?", he asked, while looking at her bed and the mess they had made. It looked so much more inviting now that he had left his mark on it. His eyes looked at hers in a way that spared the use of words. There was an idea of Billy Darley. To Lisa, that idea was gone forever.

Lisa rolled over the bed, confident that she'd find the arms that she searched for almost every night, but all she found were pillows. She didn't even open her eyes, asking herself over and over again, how could she be so naïve? Of course he wouldn't stay, why would he? Lisa just sighed deeply, and when she got up, she caught a glance of Billy by the window, lighting up a smoke. The alarm clock showed that it was too early to be waking up in a Sunday.

She managed to go to the bathroom, brush her teeth with a wet toothbrush, which indicated that someone else had used it before her, and come back to the bedroom while he was still smoking.

"Morning", she said, trying to sound indifferent to the fact that he was still there.

"Morning", he replied, without looking at her.

"Why are you up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep."

There was a deep frown forming on his forehead, as Lisa wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I'd better go."

Part of Lisa wanted to let him go, but couldn't. She knew Billy long enough to know that no one ever lasted in his god damned life. Lisa was willing to last.

"I was hoping I could persuade you to stay."

"What's the offer?", he asked, smirking.

"Uh… breakfast?"

"Not good enough."

Billy pulled her closer and, with that laziness that's so typical from Sundays, they made love again, without hurry or worries. Their inner beasts were finally tamed by each other.

"Now I really have to go."

"Got what you wanted and now you can leave, right?"

That was supposed to be a joke, but Billy wasn't amused.

"Geez, I was just kidding."

"Well, just fucking don't. It's not like…"

Lisa had the guts to shush him, placing her index finger over his lips.

"You don't have to explain anything. I'm gonna make you some coffee, and then you can go."

The tired look was now permanent on his face. Lisa felt like he wouldn't stand another minute in the streets if he had a choice. She wasn't enough of a choice yet.

They got up and silently parted ways – he went to the bathroom, she went to the kitchen, prepared the coffee and sat down to watch some TV while it got ready. That was when she noticed that Billy had left his gun on the side table.

"Unbelievable", she thought aloud, shaking her head and grabbing the gun. On her way to the bedroom, a loud thud and her door burst open. A disturbed Heco came in, and her reflexes pointed the gun right at him. Lisa felt like shaking on the inside, but her hand was steady as a rock.

"Where the fuck is he? Huh, bitch? Where the hell is he?", Heco yelled, uncontrollably.

"What the fuck? You think you can break into my house just like that? Just like that?"

"Get the fuck out of my way, bitch! You think you scare me with that gun?"

Lisa's glance was attracted to her right, where James was now awake and staring at her, wide eyed.

"James, go back to your room."

"But mom, I'm…"

She knew he was about to say she was scared. The tone of his trembling voice said it all, but she couldn't let him witness that.

"James, go back to your room, now!"

"Yeah, James, go back to your room", Heco said, mocking Lisa. He was pushing all the boundaries. Suddenly one more person ran through the door – it was Alma.

"What's with all the noise? Oh dear Lord. Lisa, put that down."

"Don't worry, Alma. Bitch don't have the balls to kill me", he said, staring at Lisa.

"My friends Smith & Wesson disagree", she replied, staring back.

James didn't obey Lisa and was starting to cry. Alma saw that and called him; he ran up to her without thinking twice. Finally, Billy came out of the bathroom, drawn by the sound of Heco's voice shouting all kinds of nonsense.

"What in fuck's sake are you doing, Heco?"

Billy came in from behind Lisa, took the gun from her hand. She couldn't stop looking at that motherfucker.

"This ain't your business, Lisa."

"It is my god damn business when a junkie wanna-be gangster fucking blows out my door!"

Billy looked at Heco with complete despise. He was so high on meth that his eyes could burst out.

"So, this is where you were last night? Banging her while we were out there, almost getting our fucking selves killed?"

He just passed by Heco on his way out.

"You're out of your fucking mind."

"See you later… bitch", Heco said, passing by Lisa.

"If you ever show up here again, I swear to God I'll decorate my walls with your fried up brain."

"Try that, Mrs. Hoyt."

The world froze on that phrase, and Lisa's breath got caught in her lungs. She didn't even see them leaving.

"Lisa? Lisa!"

She turned around, James clinging on to her leg, the world was turning round again. She bent down and picked him up, still staggered.

"Yeah."

"Why did he call you Mrs. Hoyt?"

"I… he… he found something that he really shouldn't have."


	12. 12 Chain Reaction

_**Will it be better to let this cloud pass by?**_

_**And you will know where I came from**_

_**Where I'm going to, and that I'm right here**_

"Have you lost your fucking mind? Break into her house?" Billy asked, pinning Heco by the collar of his jacket and onto the wall, his forearm over Heco's neck.

"Fuck, man! I needed to talk to you!"

"Oh, you wanna talk? Go on, talk!", he ordered, pressing his forearm even harder, making Heco gasp for air.

"Let me go, dog!"

Billy let go of his grip, searched his jacket for his pack of smokes and lit one up.

"You have any fucking idea of what you did last night? Or what you didn't do?"

"Grow some fucking balls, Heco. Since when do you need me to carry on a job like that?"

Heco ran his hand over his head, looking around.

"You don't get it, do you? You just don't fucking get it."

"Get what? There's nothing to get. We had a job to do, you went there and nailed it. What else there is to it?"

Heco turned away from Billy, and cussed under his breath.

"Fucker."

Billy turned his head and asked, trying his best not to pin that man against the wall again and breaking the hell out of his face.

"How's that again?"

Heco came back, and defiantly faced Billy. He had always been dumb like that, but then he was just too disappointed to think straight at least.

"That's right, you're a fucker. Can't you fucking see that we are who we are because you fucking made us?"

A loud, cynical laugh came out of Billy's mouth.

"No shit. So, if it wasn't for Billy, your savior, you would all have drowned in a fucking boring straight life. Fuck off. You are a fucking meth-head 'cause you want to. You work for me 'cause you want to. Spink left us and what happened? Nothing. Fucking nothing. You're being a fucking crybaby, I ain't your nanny, or no one else's for that matter. You work for me and that's it. That's all that there is to it."

"All right, man. Whatever", Heco replied, unable to hide his frustration.

"Did you get the money?"

"Yeah."

"Did you get the guy?"

"Yeah."

"We're good then. Anything else?"

Heco shook his head, and Billy turned around to leave.

"Wait! Just... wait."

"What?"

"This girl, man."

"What girl?"

Heco knew that Billy's reaction would be unpredictable, but he had to know. It could change everything.

"Man, there was something wrong with Lisa, and I knew it all along."

Billy narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you even go there."

"Wait, Billy, listen to me. Bodie did his research, and you know he's good at that shit. Do you know who she's running from?"

"I don't know, some gang leader or something."

"It's not 'some gang leader', dog. It's Matt. Matt 'Mad Bull' Hoyt."

They all have heard that name before, and it always sent a discreet chill down Billy's spine. Mad Bull's reputation was well known across the northeast area, as one of the most feared, most violent gangsters. His reaction was to try and act aloof.

"So?"

"So? So, word around Motor City is that there's 100 g's waiting for whoever brings her back, breathing or not. Got that? A hundred thousand. I'm telling you, you better leave the girl alone, 'cause someone's gonna come after her, and you don't wanna be a part of that shit."

For the first time, Billy was forced to consider the price of a life, and somehow, a hundred thousand dollars was not enough. He blew the smoke away, feeling the blood slowly speeding up in his veins.

"Who else knows about this?"

"Just me and Bodie. The less people know about this, the better. It's not like I love her, but I don't want this to turn into a fucking treasure hunt or something. Too much headache for us and that's the last thing we need right now."

Billy looked around, just t make sure that there was no one around.

"Good. Let's go."

Lisa watched through the window as the engines roared and the Mustang disappeared down the road. She sighed, expecting some relief inside her chest, but there was none. A tear rolled down her cheek as Lisa closed her eyes, hurtfully. She was still holding on to James, who was completely silent, his head buried on her shoulder.

"You want me to stay around for a while?", Alma asked, tenderly. Lisa didn't need to answer that.

"Come on, James. Why don't you show me your Hot Wheels collection?"

Lisa put him on the floor and he looked back at her. She just couldn't help but kneel down and hold him tightly again.

"Don't worry, honey, it's over, it's all over, ok?", she said, fluffing his hair. "Now go get your cars, Alma can't wait to see them!"

They went to his bedroom, and Lisa let herself fall on the bed, the tears now flowing freely, soaking the sides of her face. She couldn't get her head around the fact that Heco had called her Mrs. Hoyt. She was never an official "Mrs", but how did he know about that surname? If Heco ever spilled the beans to anyone in Detroit, that would be the end of Lisa. It was that simple. It would be a long, painful end, just the way Matt liked to treat his enemies. It was bad enough to have him on her side, she knew it was much worse to be on his end of the sewer. Lisa didn't stand a chance, unless... unless she had protection. And she was not sure if Billy would be up to that. She spent the rest of the day locked up with James, trying her best not to freak out, or freak him out. She had to make him believe everything was just fine, although she was getting completely paranoid, and Lisa had every reason to feel that way.

When Bodie finally arrived home, Alma was waiting, pacing around, ready to confront him.

"Tell me what you know", she demanded, the minute he stepped in.

"Whoa, hey! I guess I should've arrived later", he said, turning around to leave. Alma grabbed his arm to stop him.

"You're staying. You know why Heco called Lisa Mrs. Hoyt, and you're gonna tell me. You're gonna tell me right now."

"Fuck", he exclaimed, under his breath. "All right. Her little red head is worth a hundred grand. Happy now?"

"Wh-what?"

"Matt, her ex-husband or whatever, also known as Mad Bull, happens to be the most feared gang leader in Detroit. And he just put up an offer for her, dead or alive, a few days ago."

Alma's jaw dropped to the ground, as she started considering all the possibilities.

"Are you...? Will you...?"

"Well, as much as I fucking hate her, and as much as I'd like to have that money, she's still Billy's girl and doing that would be a fucking death sentence. All I'm saying is that she's in deep shit. And I mean, deep shit. If you're gonna tell her about this, you tell her to get fucking smart and move her ass right back to Detroit, before something happens to her. Or her kid. And it will happen, you know that."

"Oh... oh my God. Sweet Jesus."

"No one can save her from Mad Bull, Alma. Not even Jesus", Bodie said, from the kitchen. Alma didn't think twice and ran upstairs. Any knock on the door was enough to make Lisa's heart jump out her chest.

The look on Alma's face told Lisa that something was off.

"What? What is it?"

"Is James asleep?"

"Yeah. Come on, you've got me panicking here."

"It's just that... ok, it's Bodie. He found out that... your ex is giving out a hundred thousand to whoever brings you back to Detroit."

Lisa felt like all thoughts and memories fled from her head. She did not know what to think. All she could do was repeat the information, to confirm the size of the problem she found herself in.

"A hundred... a hundred thousand?"

The silence that followed framed Alma's upcoming answer.

"Dead or alive."

"Oh. Oh my."

Lisa sat down on the couch, her hand over her chest, rocking back and forth like a defenseless child.

"My God, my God! He's so fucking coward that he doesn't even have the guts to find me by himself! Did Bodie tell anyone about this? Does anybody else know? Oh, they're gonna come for me, you don't know the kind of people he works with. They're gonna come for me, and James, and we won't even have time to..."

It was impossible not to cry. It was way too overwhelming to know that she had a price tag on herself, and it had an awful lot of zeroes.

"I'm sorry, Lisa. I don't even know what to say", Alma rubbed her arms, trying helplessly to comfort Lisa.

"Now what?"

There was not a drop of hope in Lisa then. Everything she had fought for was in vain.

"I guess you have to ask yourself how far you would go to protect the life you've built."

Lisa took a moment to think, and it didn't take more than a second for her to come up with that answer.

"I'd do whatever it takes. Whatever."

"I bet you did a lot of stuff in your life that wasn't worth it. Now whatever you wanna do, it's worth it, Lisa. It's your life, your son's life at stake. What are you gonna do?"

"I'll come up with something."

"There you go. Keep in mind that he doesn't know that you know it, so that gives you a little... advantage."

Lisa grinned, wiping away the tears. Alma pulled her in a long, tight hug, and left them. More than quickly, Lisa grabbed her cell phone and called the only person in Detroit who knew where she was, or so she thought. While it rang, Lisa was chewing on her nails.

"Milly?"

All Lisa heard was a gasp and then silence. She knew that Milly was going somewhere else to be able to talk to her.

"Oh my motherfucking god, I was so worried about you, but you told me not to call you, I didn't know what to do!"

"I know, I know, all right? You know why I'm calling."

"I heard."

"How bad is it?"

"Remember the Bishops?"

Yes, Lisa remembered the Bishops, she was there. They were probably the most violent couple of nights of her life.

"What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know, Milly, but this has got to end. I can't go on knowing that he's out there, shit, he could be at my door right now. He will kill me if he feels like doing it."

"I can assure you he's still here for now. But he has a million contacts, you know that. That's probably how you came to know about it. Who told you anyway?"

"That's another problem I gotta take care of, but first things first. I, uh... I'm gonna give it a thought, and then I'm gonna call you again, probably from another number. All right?"

"All right, Rus. Please, watch out. Ok? If you need anything, just call me."

It was becoming harder and harder for Billy to find any amusement in all that ugliness, after such a delightful night. Peace wasn't scaring him anymore, and he had to thank Lisa for that accomplishment.

The guys couldn't be more beat up when Billy walked into the office.

"Fuck me. It doesn't even look like you hit jackpot last night."

Bodie looked at him at the corner of his eye. They were all as disappointed as Heco, and Billy just couldn't grasp it.

"Can somebody fucking tell me how it went, at least?"

"It was a piece of cake, man", Bodie broke the silence and tapped Joe's shoulder. "Little Joe here popped the motherfucker."

"That's my boy. What about the job? How much did you get?"

They all dodged from his sight.

"I asked you, how much did you fucking get?"

"20 grand, man. No witnesses or nothing. Quick and clean."

"Good."

Billy was a flawed man, but his sense of street fairness was intact. He wasn't there with them, he wouldn't get a dime from that money. It was theirs to take.

"All right. Joe, you go home and get some rest, get a cup of coffee or something, you look like shit. You both go and do whatever you gotta do and... I'll be back later."

That was a long sentence for his patterns, but Billy felt like he could talk for hours and still wouldn't be able to express how distressed he was. That feeling of absolute repugnance that oppressed and overwhelmed him was becoming more and more unbearable. When he got out of the building, he had no idea where he was going. Billy just started the engines and sped up to nowhere, the radio blaring.

_**There's a pain that sleeps inside, it sleeps with just one eye**_

_**And awakens the moment that you leave...**_

_**Though I try to look away, the pain it still remains**_

_**Only leaving when you're next to me...**_

_**Do you know that every time you're near, everybody else seems far away?**_

_**So can you come and make them disappear?**_

_**Make them disappear and we can stay...**_

_**Can you make them disappear?**_

_**Make them disappear... (Hoobastank)**_

When Billy finally came to his senses, he didn't know where he was, how many red lights he had crossed, or how fast he was going. No matter how far he went, there was no escaping the truth. Lisa's life was at stake, and she was in real danger. The worst part was, he wasn't sure of what he wanted to do about it. Fuck, he could hear himself breathing. Billy looked around and realized he was in front of a diner. He could definitely use some coffee.

"Hello, sir."

Billy took a good look at the waitress, and saw in her eyes that same fear that he was used to see in the eyes of everyone that crossed paths with him. he used to enjoy that, but now it seemed so meaningless.

"What can I get for you?"

He flipped through the menu, considering all answers to that question, and settled for the easiest one.

"I'll just have coffee and… scrambled eggs… and bacon."

She turned on her heels and Billy searched for his cigarettes, and also found Lisa's lighter. He held that silver square in his hands, the cold metal cooling down his blood, just the way that Lisa managed to cool down his unrelenting rage. She made him want things he never had. He'd rather spend one night in the safety of her home, of her arms, than a whole month cooking and selling meth. How could he ever hand Lisa's head on a silver plate for a hundred thousand dollars, especially now that he knew who James' father was, and what he could – and probably would – do to her? Moreover, he wasn't even sure if he would be able to protect her from him. The stories he had heard about Matt were terrifying. Billy honestly didn't think that he or Lisa stood a chance.

By Monday, Lisa was still alert and watchful, but without a hint of despair. Knowing that she was one step ahead made her a little more relaxed. She could do that. She had to. A rather simple plan was starting to form in her mind, she just had to get her ideas straightened out and do it. Either way, all week long, Lisa went from home, to the day care, to the market, and back. No stops, no deviations, nothing. She was confident, but that couldn't blind her from the dangerous situation she and her son were going through.

That was a quiet, concentrating week, and Kat understood it after asking Lisa about three or four times if everything was ok, and getting a head nod as an answer. Lisa really enjoyed her company, but this was so crucial that she couldn't afford to think about much else.

But on that Thursday, Lisa was particularly fidgety and restless, she didn't know why. Maybe it was just that her plan was finally coming together, and the fact that it would happen very soon was enough to throw her off track.

"All right, I know you've been quiet and shit the whole week, but oh my god, what the hell is up with you today?"

Lisa tried not to look at Kat.

"Nothing, I'm just… do you know if Greg's here?"

"Yeah. He just passed by us, like, two minutes ago. Why?"

Definitely Lisa's mind was someplace else.

"I gotta talk to him, I need a day off on Saturday."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes, Kat, everything's fine. I just gotta go back to Detroit for a day or two."

"Back? What for?"

"Unfinished business."

I guess the look in her eyes gave Lisa away.

"Oh, hell no", Kat said to herself, while Lisa put the "closed" sign on her counter and went on to talk to Greg.

That was a real winter day. It was only 5pm, but it was almost as dark as midnight, and a cold wind that could freeze your bones. The fact that it had snowed on and off all day long wasn't helping either.

As soon as Lisa set foot outside the market, her head instantly turned around, left and right, checking for something, for someone. After making sure she was alone, Lisa started walking, her arms crossed in front of her chest, marching on like a soldier. But something was very wrong that day, her street sense was telling her to get home as soon as she could… and Lisa had learned to trust that sense a long time ago. That was why she pulled out her penknife from her bag and kept holding on to it until she was in front of the daycare. Every corner she turned got my heart racing, getting me ready for the worse. Fortunately, nothing happened until she had her kid in my arms.

Lisa pulled him by the hand, and he almost stumbled.

"Mom! Stop!"

Lisa did, and turned around to kneel down to talk to him.

"I'm sorry, honey, but mom's in a hurry, ok? We need to get home right away."

"Why?"

"I, uh… I really gotta pee!" she whispered, making him giggle. She had to take the seriousness out of the situation, it was bad enough as it was.

They literally ran out of the daycare, but had to slow down due to the snow and slush that were covering the ground. All her senses were heightened, and she could almost feel the wind produced by someone throwing a rock on a streetlamp. Immediately, she turned around to protect James, but they couldn't stop walking.

"What's that, mom? I'm scared!", he exclaimed, his voice trembling with fear.

"Just some idiot, don't worry. Come on, James, we gotta go."

People all around them were panicking but Lisa didn't have time for that. There was nothing else to do but speed up, they were only one block away from home. Lisa thought that the amount of people on the streets stopped them from doing whatever it was that they came to do. They ran up the stairs, and she was so blinded by anxiety that she bumped with all her strength with someone. It was Bodie.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you running away from, Lisa? Or should I call you…"

"Don't."

He raised his hands.

"All right, all right. But you know that you should be running from here, and not to here."

Lisa tried not to let him get on her nerves, and walked past him, her hand crushing James'.

"Don't make me say I told you so!", he shouted. Son of a bitch.

"What was he saying, mom?"

"Nothing, James. I already told you not to pay attention to what he says. Get in, come on."

Being away from Lisa did no good for Billy at all. Without her to pull him back from the life he was leading, he spiraled back, deep into his old self. Now Heco and Bodie got Billy convinced that he should leave her alone. Not that he was at peace with that decision, far from it. Walking away now was more uncomfortable than ever, it just made him feel less of a man for not standing his ground. But Matt wasn't a problem he was ready to face just yet.

"Hey man." Heco approached Billy, who was leaning on his car.

"Yeah."

"Listen, uh… remember Susie?"

"Nope."

"That freak blonde bitch, friends with my sister… you met her at a party a few months ago…"

"Oh yeah. So?"

Billy's laconic self was back with full force.

"I thought I'd invite her to Four Roses tonight. What do you say?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? We gotta work tonight."

"Come on, dog! You've been working 24x7 this week, we can handle it. I know how much you enjoyed banging her."

Billy cut him off.

"Not interested."

"You still whining over that bitch? That shit's past, man. If she isn't dead by now, she will be in a week or two, you know that. Getting laid might help you get over it."

What harm would it be? It would be just one more girl, one more night, in a life that was becoming more and more pointless as the days passed by.

"Think about it, man. I'll even ask Sammy to close the bar down tonight so that you can be, you know, all alone. Get a little drunk, fuck her on the counter or whatever."

"All right. You tell her to shut her mouth 'cause I ain't in the talking mood today."

"You got it", Heco said, walking away to call his sister.

Billy hadn't called or showed up, and Lisa knew why. She knew that the thought of getting the money had crossed his mind at that point, and that her troubles were too much for him to handle… somehow Lisa wished that he'd fight for her, but right now she was just thankful that he hadn't sold her out just yet. The truth was that she was on her own, with a round trip ticket to Detroit in her pocket.

She got home in the afternoon, made some dinner for her and James, and started packing a little bag.

"Where are we going, mom?" James asked, seeing her taking clothes off the drawers and shoving them into the bag.

"Oh honey, mom's going on a little trip. But don't worry about it, I'll go and come back in the same day. And Alma is taking you to an amusement park while mom is out. How's that?"

"I don't want you to go", he said, frowning. Lisa got closer to him.

"James, I have to. Ok? It's a very important trip, I'll be back on Sunday and you'll be just fine. All right?"

"Fine" he replied, still not convinced. Lisa was also not that convinced herself.

She was done packing, had just tucked James in, when Alma came over, looking frightened.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do. You have to go to Four Roses now. Right now."

"What?"

"I just passed by the bar, and all the lights are out, the front panel is broken and Billy's car is there. I can't find Bodie, or Heco, or Joe, something's going on, Lisa, I know it", she said, all at once, jumbling the words.

"Shit", she said, under her breath. The timing couldn't be worse. "All right. Did you see anything else?", Lisa asked from her bedroom.

"Yeah, there was a… a black truck parked beside the Mustang."

Lisa placed her hands on her dresser, shaking her head as she connected the dots. "Oh, fuck."


	13. 13 Kill Bill

_**I lock the door to every lie**_

_**The truth is also outside**_

_**Now the door is locked**_

Lisa felt a hand crushing her heart, and blood started pumping harder in her veins. She looked out the window, saw a motorcycle parked down at the street. From the bottom of her t-shirt drawer, Lisa pulled out a black piece of clothing and shoved down her pocket.

"What's that?" Alma asked, concerned.

"You look after James", she said, grabbing her gloves, her coat, and running down the stairs.

"Lisa! You take care!" Alma shouted. Lisa responded to herself, "It's never about the size of the dog in a fight… it's about the size of the fight in a dog."

Lisa pulled out a ninja mask from her pocket and put it on. It was like, at that very moment, she became disconnected from herself, as if someone had cut the tie that bound her to humanity. Lisa hotwired the bike and sped up to God knows what. The bar was just a couple of blocks away, in no time she was jumping off the bike and running towards the door. Alma was right, Lisa could see that shots have been fired, but someone could still be around. Billy's car was still there, as well as that same black truck she had seen the night when Baggy was killed. As she came closer, she could hear someone yelling Billy's name in the distance, and that meant that he could still be alive.

From the first time she was there, Lisa knew that the best place to look for a gun would be under the counter. No money had been taken, which meant that it wasn't a robbery. For the looks of it, it seemed more like a set-up. On her toes and fully alert, she walked in and got under the counter… bingo. There it was, a .22 Beretta. "Nice", she thought, picking up the gun and feeling its weight. "It must be loaded." The bastard who was yelling Billy's name should've been dead by now, and if he wasn't, something was really wrong.

She tried her best not to step on any debris or make any kind of noise, lurking in the shadows, one hand pressing over her chest, trying to suppress her heartbeats. Going further inside was tricky, she didn't know the place, nor where Billy was. A few steps forward, and she started to hear a monologue.

"I knew you wouldn't run, Darley, much too fucking brave for that, huh? Now lady, too bad for you. That's what happens when you walk around bad people: bad things. How do you want this to go, Darley? Do I shoot you first, or Miss Big Boobs here?"

Lisa almost felt like leaving Billy to his own fate, but she was already there. Through the reflection on a portrait glass, she saw their position: Billy was standing up, probably out of bullets, and a random blonde girl behind him, completely out of her mind, freaking out. Lisa didn't try to reason anymore, she was actually incapable of that. But she felt, as never before, that she no longer had free will, or any will of her own: everything had just been decided. Lisa turned around, aimed and fired. When the blood sprayed, she knew it worked, and it was when she realized that Billy had been shot on his left leg, but was still standing up.

_**Looks like I'm gonna do everything myself**_

_**Maybe I could use some help, but hell, if you want something done right**_

_**You gotta do it yourself.**_

_**Maybe life is up and down, but my life's been what till now?**_

_**I crawled up your butt somehow**_

_**And that's when things got turned around.**_

Billy was at a complete loss of words when Lisa took off her mask and walked in, giving orders, gun in hand.

"Hey, Barbie? You get the fuck up."

"What? You're gonna let her talk to me like this? You're gonna let her? Do something, Billy!" she screamed, and slapped frantically on Billy's arm, to his dismay. Lisa just looked at her. It was obvious that the girl was amped, and it wasn't on beer.

"Did you not see what I just did to your friend here?"

Suddenly, the girl went towards Lisa, trying to hit her.

"You bitch! Who do you think you are? You just killed a guy!"

Lisa swung her right arm, hitting the blonde girl's mouth with the gun she was holding, making the girl spin, hit a table and fall to the ground.

"That… is gonna leave a mark." Lisa said, while emptying the clip. She threw the gun at Billy's feet and turned around, too numb to have any other reaction.

"Lisa, wait! Ow, fuck! Fuck!" he hissed, dragging his wounded leg. Billy grabbed her arm, and by the look on her face and the shot she had just fired, he was the one who should be afraid.

_**I used to be alive, now I feel pathetic, and now I get it**_

_**What's done is done, you just leave it alone and don't regret it.**_

_**Sometimes, some things turn into dumb things**_

_**And that's when you put your foot down.**_

"Let… go… of me."

He tightened his grip.

"I am not saying it twice."

"Why did you do this? How did you know I was here?"

"See, I'm no chicken. When things go bad, I'm there for whoever needs me. And I already saved your ass, now, if you don't mind, I just want to go home."

The shade of his eyes was greener than ever.

"She was just…"

"Oh, shut up. What makes you think I care?"

"You just blew a fucking guy's head off. That says you care. You could have been killed."

Lisa quickly wiped away a tear that wasn't supposed to fall, and heard the loud noise of a car parking outside.

"I've died so many times before… once more wouldn't hurt. Tell your boys that they're late. And get that leg to a fucking hospital" she stated, matter-of-factly, walking out.

_**Depending on you is done, giving to you is done**_

_**No more eating, no sleeping, no living**_

_**It's all just more giving to you and I'm done.**_

_**The hiding from you is done, the lying from you is done**_

_**No more eating, no more sleeping, no living**_

_**It's all just more giving to you and I'm done.**_

Billy tried to reach her, still limping. Lisa jumped on the motorcycle, hotwired it again, and flew away, leaving Billy alone within the chaos that Four Roses was now. That was it. As much as she knew that it was a set-up, she tried and saved him, while he was messing around with another woman, knowing that Lisa's life was at stake. It wasn't worth it. It never was. The ninja mask was left on the curb, somewhere along her way, and with that mask, Lisa hoped to have left a lot more behind.

_**Why did I have go and meet somebody like you?**_

_**Why did you have go and hurt somebody like me?**_

_**How could you do somebody like that?**_

_**I hope you know that I'm never coming back.**_

_**Why? (Limp Bizkit)**_

"Where the fuck have you all been?" Billy shouted, as all the guys came over to see what happened.

"What the fuck is going on, Billy? Who shot you? What the fuck, man?" Joe started shooting questions.

"I don't know Joe, why don't you tell me? Why won't somebody tell me why the fuck I was set up?"

Billy was starting to spiral out of control, his voice as coarse and loud as the growl of a lion.

"What are you talking about?"

Billy walked up to Bodie, feeling like he could crack his neck with a single hand.

"I was at the bar, messing around with Heco's little junkie friend, and all of a sudden, I'm alone and Tank walks in. All I have is my fucking gun and 12 shots that I somehow managed to miss. Now take a look at this, won't you?"

His gentleness was always sarcastic. The guys followed Billy into the bar, which was completely ruined, and got to the place where the guy was shot.

"Your leg, man. It's bleeding out." Joe said, seeing that even Billy's footsteps were getting bloody.

"That can wait. See that? See that head on that hole? That bullet was put there by Lisa. Or Rusty, whatever you wanna call her. Now, I wanna know why the fuck I got my ass saved by a woman, and not by any of yous!"

The guys grew quiet.

"That was one hell of a shot." Joe remarked, getting scolding stares from everyone.

"I'm gonna find out who was stupid enough to pull this on me, and since Lisa knew where I was, I guess it's gonna be easy. Come on Joe. I gotta get this fucking leg taken care of."

"I can take you, man", Bodie said. But Billy's look was enough to keep him from saying anything else, as he walked out with Joe.

Bodie shook his head.

"If I find out that any of you had anything to do with this… I'm gonna get you before Billy does, and there won't be mercy."

Billy sat on the passenger seat.

"You drive. Oh fuck, this hurts."

Joe started the engine.

"You really think someone set you up?"

"You're too naïve, Joe. Way too naïve for this shit." Billy said, lighting a cigarette. That was the last straw. How could he ever lead people in whom he couldn't even trust?

Lisa parked the motorcycle at the same spot she had found it and ran upstairs, her mind still turbulent because of what happened. The second she put her key into the keyhole and realized it was open, she knew that more trouble was waiting for her.

She first spotted Alma and James sitting on the couch, scared to death, James buried into her lap. They were under Matt's aim, and Lisa could not believe her eyes.

"There she is", he said, with those insane blue eyes glowing in madness. "We were waiting for you."

For a moment, Lisa regretted throwing that empty gun away.

"Put your hands up where I can see them."

Slowly, she raised her arms.

"Matt, please, don't do that, please. Your grudge is with me, not them. Please, let them go."

Alma looked at Lisa, like she was pleading for forgiveness, and Lisa nodded back at her to guarantee she knew it wasn't her fault.

"I'm not sure I'm gonna do that", he said, approaching her. "You look nice. Even dyed your hair red again. I heard you're calling yourself Lisa now. Is there anything else I should know?"

"You're here to save your 100 g's, that's all."

"Always a wisecracker, right, Anna? No, I'm only here to alert you. You really think you're worth a hundred thousand? No. That's the price I had to put on my honor!" he yelled, making the whole room tremble. Little James was shivering in Alma's arm, and Lisa went heartbroken.

"Please, Matt, please. James is freaking out."

"All right. You, take the kid," he said, pointing to Alma, "and you, stay with me."

"Ok, Alma, take him to your house. Now."

"Hey!" he shouted, and Alma looked back.

"I hope you're not crazy enough to call the cops on this. There's someone down there waiting for me, and if the cops get near here, you die too."

Alma swallowed hard. She knew she should call someone else.

"Come on, pick up, pick up, please, Lord, please" Alma prayed, while trying to call Bodie, but he wasn't picking up earlier, why would he do it now? She frantically searched through the address books and notes by the phone, when she finally found Billy's number.

"Yeah?"

"Billy? Billy, it's Alma."

"No, it's Joe. What's up, Alma?"

"Joey, I really need to talk to Billy right now. It's urgent."

"Can't do it. He was shot, and he's being taken care of now."

"Fuck, fuck! Uh… is it gonna take long?"

"I don't think so, the shot just grazed his leg. What's up?"

"Please, tell him that Lisa's in trouble. Tell him that Matt found her. He'll know what I'm talking about."

"All right. Calm down, we're going as soon as we can."

Joe hung up the phone and went to the room where Billy was.

"Hey man, Alma just called. She said that some guy Matt found Lisa or something, said she needs you to go there."

Billy turned his head, wide eyed.

"What?"

"Yeah, she was pretty jumpy about it." Joe said, calmly. He had no idea of how bad the situation could be.

"Yo, nurse. I'm gonna need you to wrap this thing up now. I gotta go."

"Hey, what are you doing man?"

"You stay out of this, Joe. I have to leave. Now."

"But I was just…" the nurse stuttered.

"Yeah, you were. Just finish this thing in a way that I can walk and that's it."

The nurse didn't need to be that bright to know that she should do what he said. She just cleaned it up and left it as it was, halfway done.

"You come back here later!" she yelled, as they walked down the hall.

"What the fuck, man? What the hell is going on?"

The previous events acted upon him in an almost automatic way, as if someone was taking him by his hand with a blind, irresistible force; as if a piece of his clothing got caught in the gears of fate and he was, little by little, swallowed by it.

"It's payback time", Billy said, getting into the car. "And you drive as fast as you can."

"Now, I bet a woman like you always has a duct tape roll somewhere in your house… right?" Matt said, circling around her. "Now where would that be?"

Lisa stared right at him.

"Fuck you."

"Oh, we will. No need to hurry, though."

Her blood boiled inside when she realized what his intentions were, and that gave her the strength – and the stupidity - to slap him across the face, to which he obviously responded by hitting her with his pistol, in the exact same way she had done with that blonde bitch before. Lisa just felt the impact knocking out some of her teeth, as she blacked out on the floor. And when she regained consciousness, it was all a blur, and way too late. Matt was already pulling his pants up. Lisa tried to scream, but he had wrapped silver tape around her mouth, her wrists were tied up to the headboard, her feet tied up together. And the worst part, she was bare naked.

"You got a nice tattoo there on your wrist… I bet you did that so that you'd never forget me, right?", Matt said, wearing his shirt and walking up to her. He ran his hand through her hair, and as much as she flinched and squirmed, there was no escaping of him. Matt kissed her forehead.

"You have a week to get back to Detroit. You have no idea what people can do for a hundred thousand bucks. Oh, wait. You do."

Lisa felt her eyes warming up, and the tears rolling down as he left. Alma heard him going down the steps, but when she thought about going up there, she heard tires screeching, and gunshots were fired. It was the first time that those noises actually meant some relief.

Billy got out of the car while it was still moving, as Joe drove off.

"Go get them Joe, go get those motherfuckers!" Billy yelled, turning around and running up the stairs… and broke down when he saw Lisa. Her naked, tied up body was a total violation.

"This is gonna hurt", he said, about to rip the tape from her mouth. Lisa muffled something that Billy understood as "I can take it", and ripped it off. She couldn't say a word, though. He ran to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, swiftly cut the tape from her feet and her hands, and all Lisa could do was hold him.

"It's ok now", he said, holding her close, trying to stop those stupid tears from falling, while Lisa was sobbing uncontrollably. Billy pulled her away a little, to look at her.

"Hey, hey, I'm here. OK? He can't hurt you now."

"He already has!" Lisa said, tearfully.

"Not anymore. Come. Let's take a shower." He said, taking her into his arms. Lisa wrapped her arms around his neck, her flawed savior, as he placed her gently into the tub and got the shower running.

"Where's James?"

"He's with Alma."

"All right, I'm gonna get them."

"No! Don't leave me here, please don't do that."

Lisa had the right to be needy once in her lifetime. Billy grabbed her hand.

"I'll be right back."

There was no water enough in this world to wash away Lisa's hurt and anger. And she realized that she could only hate Billy for one second, and then she loved him even more.

He came back to the bathroom and pulled away the curtain a bit to check on Lisa. She turned around swiftly, still jumpy from what had just happened.

"Shit, you scared me."

"Sorry." Billy sighed, staring at her face, her hair dripping wet, the marks from the duct tape on her hands and over her mouth. Gently, he ran his finger over the sides of her face. Tragedy seemed to make her even more beautiful in his eyes. He tried to say what he should've said when Lisa showed up to rescue him earlier.

"I shouldn't…"

"I know. I just… I could never imagine that he'd find me here."

"Do you think that someone…?"

"I do. Billy, I've been here for over a month now. If he wanted to, he would have already found me. That's why yeah, someone ratted on me. And I happen to think that it's the same person that set you up tonight. It's too much of a coincidence. But that's the last thing on my mind right now", she said, looking fiercely into his eyes.

"What's on your mind then?"

Lisa turned off the tap, dried herself and came out of the tub, the towel wrapped around her body. She faced Billy, who was standing right in front of her, hands in his pockets.

"I love you."

Why those three words had such impact on someone's life, one will never know. But they hit Billy like a blow, and all of a sudden, he was even more speechless.

"Don't worry. I know that I love you more than you care about being loved so… don't bother. I don't need an answer to that. It's a fact. I just thought you should know."

Softly, Billy grabbed her face with both hands and pulled her closer to a kiss. That was when Lisa knew she really didn't need any answer.

When they walked out from the bathroom, James ran towards Lisa.

"Mom!"

Alma could not stop crying, and Billy swallowed the tears that were locked up in his eyes.

"It's all right, honey. We're safe now" she said, picking him up, trying to be strong for him.

"I'm so sorry Lisa! I am so, so sorry!"

"Alma! Hey! It was all his fault, not yours. I am sorry for putting you through this."

But Alma was inconsolable. She felt like she could have done something to protect them, when in fact, she possibly couldn't. A cell phone ringing shook her thoughts away. It was Billy's.

"Joe? Joe! Where the hell are you?"

"Billy! You gotta come get me, man, please!" Joe replied, desperately.

"Where are you? What happened?"

"I, I followed the guys all the way out of town, then we stopped, the fuckers ran over me with their fucking car, man, my leg's crushed! Fuck! I gave 50 bucks for this liquor store guy to let me hide in here, but man, I'm bleeding out."

"All right, all right, I'm going. What about the guys? Did they get away?"

Joe laughed.

"No. I hit their tires. You should have seen the way the car flipped."

"Good. I'll be right there, you hang on, man. You heard me?"

Lisa looked at him, searching for an answer. He opened the door, she followed him outside.

"They're dead. Joe killed them." Billy said, sternly. Lisa put her hands over her mouth.

"They're… they're dead? Matt's dead?"

Billy widened his eyes, surprised by her reaction.

"What? You're gonna fucking cry for him now?"

"No! I'm not crying for him, I'd never, but… I can't believe it."

"Well, you better believe it, but don't you tell anyone. If someone ratted on you, they better not know that Matt's dead. Fucker. He managed to run his car over Joe's leg, so… I gotta go check on him."

"All right", she said, lowering her head. He walked up to her, and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll be back for you."


	14. 14 Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind

_**I want all that there is**_

_**The world and your love**_

_**I don't want to have to choose**_

Having lived his whole life around cars, it was a piece of cake for Billy to jack one and race to find Joe. When he approached the place where Joe said he was, in the outer limits of the city, he could already see the police cars, the "do not pass" tapes, and could only hope that Joe was careful enough to hide not only himself, but Billy's car as well. He turned a few more corners until he found the gas station and the store where Joe was hiding.

As soon as he stepped in, the clerk considered that, by his looks, he could only be that guy's brother, and pointed to the back of the store. Billy followed his direction and knocked on a door to his left.

"Joe! Joe, you there?"

"Yeah, man", he groaned in pain, opening the door, still sitting on the floor. The first thing to hit Billy's eyes was a pool of blood under his right leg, bruises all around his face and body.

"Oh fuck. We need to get you to a hospital."

"You think? Come on man, you're gonna have to pick me up."

"Hey! Hey!" Billy yelled at the clerk. "Do you have a back exit?"

"Yeah, it's that next door."

He turned to Joe.

"You wait here. Where's the car?"

"It's around the corner… it wasn't hit by one single bullet, can you believe that?"

"That's my brother." Billy said, leaving. Minutes later, he was back with the Mustang, carried Joe and what was left of his leg into the car, and drove off. Every time he hit the gas pedal, he winced in pain. Joe wasn't the only one who was hurt, after all.

"You're here again?" said the ER receptionist.

"Look, my brother was hit by a car, his leg was fucking crushed. He needs help, and he needs it now."

"Where is he?"

"My car is parked right outside."

"Ok, the doctors will be right there."

Billy ran back to his car, Joe was getting paler by the minute.

"Hey, look at me."

His head turned, and Billy realized that Joe wasn't seeing that much anymore.

"Joe, listen. You can't tell anyone that you got them. You understand me?"

"Yeah, man, whatever."

"No, Joe, not whatever. Promise you won't tell anyone. If anyone asks, they got away. Got it?"

Joe's eyes closed almost in slow motion, and when Billy turned around to scream for help, the nurses and doctors were already running towards the car.

"Step away, sir"

Billy stepped back. One of the doctors started asking questions.

"He's your brother?"

"Yeah."

"What's his name?"

"It's Joe… Joseph."

"How old is he?"

"23."

"All right, for the looks of it, we're gonna take him straight to surgery. There are a few forms for you to fill, just ask the receptionist. We'll let you know when the surgery's over, ok?"

The crew rushed Joe back into the hospital, while Billy stayed outside, feeling like that night would never end. He searched through his pockets, in dire need of a smoke. He lit one and stayed there, walking in circles. This time, Billy was really worried about Joe.

"Sir? Sir?"

Billy felt someone shaking his shoulder, and opened his eyes. It took a while for him to recall that he was still in the hospital.

"Yeah."

"Your brother's surgery is over."

"How is he?" he asked, standing up.

"We had to put 18 pins to hold the remainders of his bones in place. But he's all right, he'll be awake in a couple of minutes if you want to talk to him."

"Oh… ok."

Billy let himself fall back on the seat, thinking about whether his brother would be able to walk again. After a few minutes, he stood up and walked up to the room where Joe was. The sight of all those pins sticking out of his leg was almost more than what Billy could take. He got closer to Joe's head, and Joe slowly opened his eyes.

"Hey Joe."

Joe's first answer was a grimace of extreme pain.

"Hold on, hold on, Joe. You need to rest now. Fuck, your leg looks like Hellraiser." Billy said, trying to poke a little fun into that awful situation. Joe grinned and closed his eyes again. Billy sighed deeply, and before he could realize, one persistent tear fell. He placed his hands on the mattress, only him and his brother in such a lonely place.

"I'm tired, brother. I'm so fucking tired of this shit."

_**No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes**_

_**And no one knows what it's like to be hated, to be faded to telling only lies**_

_**But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be**_

_**I have hours, only lonely**_

_**My love is vengeance, that's never free**_

_**No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings, like I do and I blame you**_

_**No one bites back as hard on their anger, none of my pain and woe can show through**_

_**But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be**_

_**I have hours, only lonely**_

_**My love is vengeance, that's never free**_

_**No one knows what it's like to be mistreated, to be defeated behind blue eyes**_

_**No one knows how to say that they're sorry, and don't worry, I'm not telling lies**_

_**But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be**_

_**I have hours, only lonely**_

_**My love is vengeance, that's never free…**_

The cell phone rang and Lisa searched for it over the nightstand, to pick it up before it woke James up. It was Billy. She picked up, and went to the living room.

"Hi! How is Joe?"

"He went through surgery… there's an awful lot of pins in his leg, but he's gonna make it."

"I knew it. He's a tough kid. You're still at the hospital?"

"Yeah. I don't… this is fucking weird. I don't really know where to go right now."

"Come home."

Billy swallowed hard. By 'home', she meant her place, he knew it, and deep down, he loved the fact that she said that.

"I probably shouldn't… I mean, you're tired and Joe's here… I probably should stick around, you know, in case anything happens to him."

"I understand. All right, if you change your mind… just call me."

Lisa hung up the phone, feeling strangely well. Glancing around, she noticed a shiny thing on her couch, and when she reached for it, it was her lighter. Billy had returned it to her. She smiled, put it in her purse and went back to sleep. It was like, for the very first night, Matt was truly gone and Billy was truly hers. Because of this, that Saturday morning had a special taste for Lisa… the taste of freedom.

Now that the Four Roses was half-destroyed, Billy asked the guys to meet him at the office, and at the right time, they were there, sitting by the table where they used to cook their stuff.

"What's up, dog? Where's Joe?" Heco asked.

Billy shot him a scolding glare.

"I asked you to come here 'cause I wanted to tell you that we're gonna take a couple of days off. Joe was hit by a car yesterday, he's in the hospital right now with a shitload of metal crossing his leg. I'm fucking worried, and I need to take some time off, you know, make sure he's gonna be ok. So you're all free to go this weekend, 'cause we ain't working until I say otherwise. Understood?"

They looked at each other, confused. They never took time off. Bodie was the first one to ask the right question.

"Is Joe all right?"

"Yes, Bodie, but his leg is fucking crushed. He lost a lot, and I mean a lot, of blood."

"All right, man. Whatever you say."

Bodie went to talk to Billy, away from Heco. He was the only one who honestly cared about Joe. Billy's cell phone was still on the table, Heco grabbed it, and swiftly texted a message, deleting it as soon as it was sent.

"Hey man, you forgot your phone." He said, coming up to Billy. "I'm sorry about Joe."

"Yeah. Let's get the hell out of here."

The guys found their ways out on the street. When everybody was far enough, Heco turned around and went back into the building, unnoticed.

Lisa picked James up at the day care and knocked on Alma's door.

"Hey! How are you guys?"

"Hi Alma… can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure. Come on in."

"James, you stay here watching TV, ok? We will be right back."

They went to the kitchen, and Lisa used the lowest tone of voice so that James wouldn't listen to her.

"Joe killed Matt and his thug last night."

"What?"

"Yeah. But before that, he got hit by their car, it seems like his leg was crushed or something."

"Good Lord. Well, at least the motherfucker is dead and you can be in peace now."

"I know. I was wondering if you could look after James, so that I can visit Joe. I owe him, I mean… he could have been killed. And he had nothing to do with it."

"Poor Joe. No problem, you go see him. He deserves it. I'll take care of James."

"Great. I won't take long. Thank you… once again."

"Don't worry."

Lisa sat beside James, on the couch.

"Honey, I'm going to the hospital to visit a friend who is really sick, and you'll stay here with Alma. Ok?"

James just shook his head as "yes". Lisa turned to Alma.

"Please, oh please, cheer him up. Here's the key to my place, do whatever it takes. He's got to forget what happened."

"I'll handle it."

Carefully, Lisa opened the door to the room where Joe was, and the moment she got in, his face lit up. Bodie was sitting on a chair on the other side of the bed.

"Lisa!"

"Hi Bodie. Hey Joe… how are you feeling?"

She took his hand into hers.

"Like I've been hit by a car." He answered, smiling. "Good you could come."

"I owe you big time."

Joe tilted his head to the side.

"You don't owe me anything. I did what had to do. You're free now."

"That's why I feel like I owe you so bad. You have no idea what that means to me."

Bodie didn't say a word. He only observed them.

"You know, when you get better, we'll melt all that crap and make it into a car or something."

Joe chuckled, then winced in pain.

"I never thought it would hurt to laugh."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Can I get you anything?"

"I'm starving, man. What time it is? Hospital food sucks, but I could really use some dinner."

"It's… shit, this damn thing keeps turning off on its own", she said, turning her cell phone on. "It's a quarter past 7. Oh. This is weird."

"What?"

"It's a message from your brother, telling me to meet him, but… he barely ever calls me, and I think he's never sent me a message before."

Bodie looked up, finding that also very strange.

"Billy never texts anyone", he finally uttered.

"I know, but… well, I'm better get going. I promise I'll come visit you tomorrow. All right?"

"Ok Lisa. You take care."

"You too. Bye… bye Bodie.

As Lisa was walking out of the hospital, Bodie ran after her, and touched her shoulder, making her turn around.

"Bodie?"

"Do you… do you want me to go with you? I don't like this message thing."

She considered the thought for a moment, but she had that gut feeling that she should go alone.

"No, it's ok, really. I appreciate it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. You stay here with Joe, and I'll go see what Billy wants."

"All right. Be careful."

"I will."

Bodie was back with Joe when he realized that Lisa never told them where she was supposed to meet Billy, and he couldn't help thinking that this smelled like serious trouble.

Lisa walked down the freezing streets, and the sight of that building was never scarier than that night. With every single step, Lisa felt that tingling in her spine, like someone or something was following her, and whatever it was, it wasn't good or well-intentioned. When she got up to the place where the gang used to hang out, Billy was nowhere to be found.

"Billy? Billy, I'm here!"

She turned around, her legs weaker than her voice, when someone replied.

"So… you came. I didn't think you would."

Heco came in from the shadows, as if he was made of it. In a second, all the pieces fell right into place.

"Clever. But still stupid. I take it as Billy doesn't even know that I'm here."

"You're smart. But not smart enough not to come, right? You wanted to meet your man", he said, coming closer to her. Lisa backed away.

"Shut up. You know nothing."

When he attempted to grab her, Lisa ran to a shadowy corner, and quickly grabbed her penknife and her cell phone.

"Let's make you useful", she thought to herself while turning on her the voice recorder on her cell phone. A sick laughter filled the room.

"You can run, honey, but you know you can't hide. No one knows this place better than me. You're gonna die in here."

Lisa shoved her cell phone on her back pocket and got out of her hideout, blade in hand. It made Heco laugh even louder.

"What? You're gonna kill me with that?"

"I could kill you with my bare hands, if I had to. You son of a bitch, you set Billy up last night, didn't you? And you told Matt where I was!"

"They all thought I was too stupid to pull something off, but guess what? My plan almost worked. Too bad that you saved Billy, though. That piece of shit, always bossing me around. Who the fuck does he think he is, anyway? He ain't nothing! Nothing!"

"You think you're gonna kill me and walk away to get your hundred Gs?"

"I don't think I will. I know I will", he said, pulling out his gun. That was when finally Lisa realized the situation she got herself into. A pocket knife against a gun, her chances were slim. But when it came to it, it was his life versus hers, and there wasn't much to think about.

Lisa's first reaction was to run and hide behind a wall, her mind focused only on counting the number of shots, so that she would know when he was out of bullets. Heco shot at her a couple of times, and when she ran, he followed her trail. He really knew that place better than her, and he also knew where she was going.

When Lisa finally got to what it used to be a chapel, already panting, Heco opened fire on her again, but he was just wasting bullets. He was too greedy to see things clear enough.

"… 13, 14, 15, he's out." Lisa's mind went blank, and as much as she knew he could reload his gun, she would still have some time. She passed by the benches, as Heco searched the pockets of his pants, his jacket, to find the magazine, and when he finally found it, Lisa was already running towards him, his hands so shaky that he couldn't push the magazine in the pistol.

Lisa came from behind him and tried to choke him with an arm lock, but couldn't hold on to him for long. The moment he freed himself, Lisa managed to slide the blade through his arm rather deeply, and blood started pouring from the wound. She had pissed him off even more now.

"You bitch!"

Heco tried to punch her, but Lisa dodged his hand and grabbed his arm, twisting it over his back, making him spin around, dropping the gun, but also making her drop the knife. More than quickly, he got down and grabbed it, getting out of her grip, swinging around and cutting her cheek all the way, from her nose to her jaw. Lisa winced a bit, the cut was superficial, and looked around. His gun and the magazine were no more than 10 feet away. Obviously, he thought the same, and they ran towards it. This time, being petite helped Lisa. She ran and slid over, grabbing the gun, shoving the magazine in, and pointing it towards Heco. He froze on his feet. He had seen what she had done to the Cutty Macks guy. She would never miss that shot.

"Whoa, scared much, Heco boy? You think I'm gonna put a bullet through that empty head of yours, right? No… I'm not gonna do that."

"Calm down, Lisa. Just… calm down." He said, trying to circle her around, putting his arms up a bit.

"Calm down? Don't you tell me to fucking calm down, you bastard! You betrayed me. You betrayed my man! I ain't calming down!" She yelled at him at the top of her lungs, tears coming to her eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, wait. We can work this out."

"You make me sick. And yeah, you can go to hell."

Lisa didn't waste no bullets. Only two were needed: one for each knee, making him collapse on the floor, squirming and screaming. She scratched the back of her head, gun in hand.

"I guess you never watched 'Goodfellas', did you? You could have used the advice: never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut."

As Lisa turned around and walked out on him, she dropped the gun. He'd never be able to walk, or even crawl to pick it up. She passed by their "office", searched her pocket; she lit up her lighter, threw it on the table, and walked away.

"Hey bro… how's it hanging?" Billy asked, coming in. Bodie looked up to him, confused, so did Joe.

"Hey man… I'm good, but… what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing here? I came to see you!"

"I know, but Lisa was here and left like, half an hour ago, after you asked her to meet her."

Billy turned his head to Bodie.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Fuck, man, I knew it. I don't know how, but she got a message from your phone, asking her to meet you at the office."

Billy searched his pockets for his phone, looking for that message.

"There's no fucking message! I didn't send her anything! You know that I never text people!"

"I know, man! That's what I told her, but she wanted to go anyway! I even wanted to go with her, but she said no, said she would be all right."

"I don't like this", Billy said, his hands on Joe's bed. "Did she tell you where she was going?"

"No… no, she didn't."

"Bodie, you're coming with me. Joe, are you gonna be all right?"

"It's not like I'm going anywhere, man. Go see what happened, you got me worried now."

Billy and Bodie rushed out the hospital, and sped up to Lisa's place. He knocked on her door, no answer. He knocked harder and harder, until he started banging on the door, and Alma heard from her apartment.

"Whoa, whoa! What's going on?", she asked, coming up the stairs.

"Alma! You know where Lisa is?"

"She left some time ago, saying that she would visit Joe… why?"

"Where's James?"

"He's with me. Will you please tell me what's going on?"

Bodie and Billy looked at each other, and Billy feared for the worse.

"Come", he said, Bodie followed him back to the car, leaving Alma without an answer.

"Where are we going?"

"The office. She's there."

"Why would she be at the office, man? Think about it!"

"I'm not thinking. That's how I know it."

They were speeding down the streets to get there as soon as they could, when Bodie spotted Lisa on the sidewalk.

"Look, look, look, it's Lisa! It's her, man!"

_**All this feels strange and untrue**_

_**And I won't waste a minute without you**_

_**My bones ache, my skin feels cold**_

_**And I'm getting so tired and so old**_

Billy didn't even think twice and swerved around, in the middle of the street, the squealing tires and the honking woke Lisa up to what was happening. They pulled over beside her, and Billy jumped out of the car, running towards her. The cut on her cheek was saying something.

"Lisa! What the hell…?"

She didn't even bother replying. She got her phone out of her pocket, and as Bodie approached them, she played the record she'd made minutes ago.

"_They all thought I was too stupid to pull something off, but guess what? My plan almost worked."_

"Heco." Billy said, dumbfounded. In a second, the shock gave place to his anger. "Motherfucker! Fuck! Fucking rat! Fucking rat!" he yelled, too baffled to do anything about it. Fire trucks passed by them, at full speed. Lisa looked at Billy, blood drying up on her cheek; he looked in the direction where the fire trucks were headed to, a heavy cloud of smoke was raising up in the night sky. Before Lisa could say anything, Billy was running down the street, heading for the office.

"Billy! Billy, wait!" she shouted, knowing it was useless. Bodie followed his track, and Lisa ran after them. When Billy turned around the corner, he saw his office going down in flames, firefighters jumping out of the trucks, sirens wailing, that sudden certainty that everything went up in ashes.

_**The anger swells in my guts**_

_**And I won't feel these slices and cuts**_

_**I want so much to open your eyes**_

_**´Cause I need you to look into mine...**_

_**Tell me that you'll open your eyes...**_

Lisa arrived just in time to see Billy run his hands through his head, walking aimlessly, she could only imagine what was going on through his head. But Bodie was the first one to talk – or try to.

"What did you…? How could you…? What the fuck did you do? Are you fucking out of your mind? Do you realize how much stuff we had in there?"

She shook her head, couldn't take her eyes off Billy. He was speechless, and seeming to be completely lost.

"What would you have me do? That bastard was betraying all of you, right in your fucking faces and nobody saw it! He wanted me dead, I wanted him dead, luckily I got my way. Now the fucker's burning in hell", she trailed off.

Bodie looked away, his face glowing with the heat and the fire. Lisa had one more thing to say.

"I knew you shouldn't have come with me. God knows what might have happened."

Finally, Billy found his way and came towards them.

"What now, man?" Bodie asked, in a low tone of voice.

_**Get up, get out, get away from these liars**_

_**´Cause they don't get your soul or your fire**_

_**Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine**_

_**And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time...**_

"Now? It's over, man. It was due. Fuck, Heco was a scumbag, Baggy's gone, Joe has his leg so fucked up that no one knows when he'll be able to walk again. I'm fucking done. Enough of this shit."

Lisa looked at him, incredulous.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm fucking serious."

"But what about us, man? What about us?"

"Bodie, you and I were brothers before this all began. And we'll still be brothers after it ends." Billy said, sternly, and Lisa could see a lonely teardrop falling. He turned around to face her.

"Come. Let's go home."

Lisa didn't say yes or no. She just grabbed his hand and walked out, Bodie stayed around to see what was left of that building that was their shelter for years. As for Billy… he never looked back.

_**Every minute from this minute now**_

_**We can do what we like anywhere**_

_**I want so much to open your eyes**_

_**´Cause I need you to look into mine...**_

_**Tell me that you'll open your eyes...**_


	15. 15 Great Expectations

_**I've learned to look at the river where life flows by**_

_**Being neither hasty, nor late**_

_**I listen to the silence that's inside of me and it's enough**_

_**A new time has begun for me now**_

People from Stokely Hall now had another option for a diner. Four Roses had now been completely rebuilt and remodeled by Lisa's former manager, Greg. He quit his job at the supermarket, got all his savings and turned it into a family diner, with a whole different look from the gang spot that Four Roses used to be. Of course, it also had a new name: The Dot Spot.

"Sammy! Sammy, where are those bottles of wine that I ordered last week?"

He turned around to face a restless Lisa.

"Never arrived!" he yelled from the diner counter.

"Un-fucking-believable!" Lisa said under her breath, her hand already grabbing the phone. That supplier was about to hear a lot, but not just yet. She had a more important call to make.

"Hello? Hi, this is Lisa, I'm calling about that… yes. Last name Darley, first name Elisabeth."

Lisa paced around, back and forth, switching the phone from ear to ear.

"Good. All right, I'll pass by then. Thanks!"

She stormed out of the manager's room, and stopped by the counter.

"I gotta go now… is everything OK? Anything else I need to do? Has everyone arrived for the night shift?"

Sammy looked at her, she was obviously more nervous than usual.

"Lisa, you know everything's all right. What's going on?"

"Nothing, I just… I have to go pick up James, that's all."

"Right. Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye Sam!" she yelled, on her way out. In the parking lot, the black Mustang was waiting for her. The tribal drawings had gone away, now it was all shiny jet black. She hopped on the driver's seat, the roaring engines sounded like music to her.

"Mommmmm!"

Time has gone by, but James still did the same thing every day: running over and virtually jumping over Lisa.

"Kiddo, you're getting older, you know. Some of these days, you're gonna knock me unconscious."

"What's unconscious?" he asked, mindlessly, struggling with his backpack.

"Here, let me have that. You ready to give Billy his birthday present?"

"Yeah! He's gonna love it, I know that."

"You should, you helped me choose it. Now get in and let's go see him!"

Lisa pulled over in front of the body shop, which was also a little remodeled. The front sign now said "Darley Body Shop." She helped James out of the car and got inside, walking around cars and engines, and a couple of guys working on them.

"Hey there, buddy!" Joe said, as James ran up to him. "How was school today? Any new girls that I should know about?"

"Shut up, Joe. He's too young for that."

"Never too young for girls, I say! Come on, James, let me show you this awesome truck that we've been working on all week."

"You be careful with those tools! Watch out for those oil… puddles." Lisa yelled, trailing off when she saw that James had already stepped right into one of them. She walked a little further inside, guided by that voice that she knew so well.

"No, man, no. Listen to me. I told you I needed a TH400 GM transmission, you got me a Ford C4, that's… how's that the same? My 5-year old son knows more about cars than you do. I wanna talk to somebody that understands what I'm saying, and I mean right now."

She rested her body against a wall, thinking that some things never change. Billy had a way of bossing people around, and that was that. Still, hearing him call James his son made her feel all warm inside.

"All right, when? 10 days? That's fucking absurd. How about tomorrow? How about today, when I should have received the right part? All right. I just want you to know that this is the last thing I've ordered from you. Yeah, whatever."

He hung up, and ran his hand through his fully grown hair. "Luckily, some things do change." Lisa considered. It was amazing to see the change in his appearance, just having his hair back. If it wasn't for the tattoos, one would think that he was not the same person. Neither was she – the red hair was gone with Rusty. Now her hair was much longer, and it had a golden brown tone.

"Hey babe", he said in his guttural voice, walking towards Lisa and embracing her in one long kiss.

"Hey… I'm glad I'm not the only one having troubles with suppliers today."

"Fucking idiots. Can't get one thing right."

"Chill out, won't you? It's your birthday, for crying out loud!" she said, her arms still locked behind his neck.

"So what? Same day as any other."

"Come on, let's go home. There's a present waiting for you."

"It can't be better than what you gave me this morning."

Lisa chucked, blushing slightly.

"Shut up."

"Where's James?"

"He's with Joe. Go find them, I'll wait for you in the car."

Lisa sat on the driver's seat with the door open and turned on the radio, contemplating what life had in store for them. So far, it had been a tough year. It took a while for the shop to make money, and Billy had considered going back to the streets for a few times… she never let him do it, and convincing Billy was never an easy task. Her main argument was that freedom was priceless, and he was slowly learning that fact. But now, that Greg has assigned her as the diner's manager, and that Billy's business was finally starting to pay back, the burden was getting lighter, and a promising future was lying in front of them.

_**No more stress, now I'm straight**_

_**Now I get it, now I take time to think**_

_**Before I make mistakes just for my family's sake**_

_**That part of me left yesterday, the heart of me is strong today**_

_**No regrets, I'm blessed to say the old me dead and gone away…**_

_**Oh, I've been driving on this road too long**_

_**Just trying to find my way back home**_

_**The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone… (TI feat. Justin Timberlake)**_

She overheard chatter, and glanced at Billy and James walking towards the car. Billy stopped in front of her, as James quickly moved to the backseat. She looked up to him, knowing what would happen.

"What?"

He just motioned his head.

"Can't I drive us home for once?"

"You've been driving that car too often, don't you think?"

"You know I never get enough of this babe." She said, standing up and heading for the passenger side.

"Now, you stay there, while I prepare your present."

Billy lit up a cigarette and fell down on the couch.

"It needs preparation? What the hell is it?"

"Just stay there, all right? James, you make sure he doesn't come to the bedroom."

"All right, mom." He said, sitting beside Billy and turning on the TV.

In their bedroom, Lisa took out the box from a bag, and carefully unwrapped it, to arrange everything. Her heart was beating so loud that she could even hear it, and she was done, she just sat there, beside that box, thinking of what that birthday really meant.

"Come on in!" she yelled, before a tear would fall and ruin the moment.

James came in, jumping up and down in excitement, followed by Billy. Lisa stood up and held him tight.

"Happy birthday, babe. Again."

Billy gently stroke her back, as Lisa buried her head in his chest.

"Go, Billy, open the present!" James pleaded.

"All right, all right, let's get this over with", Billy said, unwrapping the box and opening it. "Nice", he said, shaking his head. "A new pair of boots."

"I helped Mom choose them!"

"Go on, try them on." Lisa said, as sweetly as she could, handing him one of the boots. She just couldn't wait for what was about to come.

Billy sat on the bed, took off his well worn boots and slipped his foot inside the new one, but quickly moved his foot back out.

"What the hell…?" he mumbled, pulling something out from it. It was an envelope, written, "Happy birthday, Billy." As he opened it, a drawing that James had made of their family: Billy, distinctively taller than everyone else; Lisa and a head full of hair, Joe on the side, with a huge smile on his face, and little James in the middle of everyone.

"I helped him write our names, but I don't really think that it was necessary." Lisa said, smiling.

"Yeah… come here, buddy." Billy said, stretching out his arms and grabbing James in a hug.

He then managed to strap on one boot; grabbed the other one and jokingly, reached inside it, only to find another envelope. He looked back at Lisa, with a look on his face that was at the same time confused and amazed. It was yet another envelope, but this one said "Happy birthday, Dad."

"You made another one?" he asked James.

"No… I only made that one."

Billy looked at Lisa again. All she could do was smile and whisper, "Open it."

He fumbled with the envelope, feeling shaky and even a little light in the head. The only word he could make out of the unfolded paper sheet was "positive", and pulled Lisa into a tight hug. Billy knew what it meant for her to have another child. It was a huge decision, and he couldn't be happier that she decided for the best. Little James clung onto Billy's leg, despite not knowing what was going on.

"I love you", she whispered in his ear. She hardly ever said that, and his silent response never bothered her. "And I'm not scared. I'm so happy for us."

He tightened his hug, and Lisa knew what that meant. They now had an everlasting bond, and life couldn't get better than that. Or could it?


End file.
